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School football contract


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It has to be remembered here, Forthill push the children to take up things like cricket and cross country running.

They already are not normal children.

 

 

Kill them with fire. It'll teach the parents a lesson. 

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I mind when I was at Primary school, my year was split into two classes. Both classes formed football teams which played each other every break/lunch time, a real rivalry was forged.

Anyway, class B had a player who was head and shoulders above any other. In Primary 5, we - class A - each chipped in some coppers (most of which were found in the playground) to 'buy' the guy for our team for the princely sum of around 12p. We even drew up a contract for him to sign and everything.

And even that contract was a better worded document than the one in the OP.

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I mind when I was at Primary school, my year was split into two classes. Both classes formed football teams which played each other every break/lunch time, a real rivalry was forged.

Anyway, class B had a player who was head and shoulders above any other. In Primary 5, we - class A - each chipped in some coppers (most of which were found in the playground) to 'buy' the guy for our team for the princely sum of around 12p. We even drew up a contract for him to sign and everything.

And even that contract was a better worded document than the one in the OP.

Something similar happened in our school. The first match ended up in a punch up where they banned football for a month.

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It has to be remembered here, Forthill push the children to take up things like cricket and cross country running.

They already are not normal children.

Cross country isn't perhaps so bad as it'll help fitness overall, but fucking cricket? What the f**k is that all about?

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I think you have got this all wrong.

Who is to say that is not the making of some great law maker of the future.

 

"I remember as a wee boy being forced to sign this legal document with words like sportsmanlike, encouraging, appropriate and apologising.  Not my Mum or Dad.  Not my legal guardian.  Me."
"I know what those words mean now - but back then at the age of six - not a chance."
"Anyway I signed the contract and then kicked Duncan Macrae because he was a p***k."
"No football for three days"
"Back in the team - scored against Duncan - f*** you Duncan - no football for a week."
"Turns out I was a better player than I thought, so back in the team.  Scored three times against Duncan"
"Hey Duncan you are a great keeper"
"Totally supportive, totally encouraging but no - they did not care for sarcasm - as if a six year old is supposed to understand that."
"Anyway that was me out for the rest of term"
"My parents were not happy about this - expecting a six year old to comprehend all this stuff - so they took legal action  and it even got taken to the European Court of Human Rights"
"It was the making of my career but Forthill Primary School probably wish they had never heard of me."

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I'm thinking Willie Collum or George Salmond...

Nope. Although I wish it was George Salmond, he looks like he'd be a lovely guy. Always struck me as a kind hearted neighbour who'd cut your hedge when he was doing his own.
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I just remembered that when I was in primary school and Scotland qualified for the 1990 World Cup, our school for some reason played a mock World Cup where the four 'Houses' each had a team and were named after the teams in Scotland's group. My house was Sweden and we were playing Brazil when my mate Dave scored a goal and celebrated by doing a forward roll. The headmaster was so outraged that he stopped the game and abandoned the tournament.

I'm certain this happened but I'd forgotten it until now. What a fucking bell end the headmaster was, imagine abandoning s special all day event. He also banned British Bulldogs and kissing in the playground.

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Ironically enough, the teachers at this school probably fully accept the importance of play in childhood. If you were to tell these teachers that from now on they can only use textbooks and nothing else, they'd go on a massive huff because the children have a right and a need to play. Yet they're depriving them of play with risks, trial & error etc with these ridiculous rules.

If they're that fed up of the children fighting over football, stop them playing football for a fortnight. I'm sure they'd start playing fine after that.

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I reckon only a fraction of schools still allow British Bulldogs to be played. Probably because it's not worth the hassle you get from protective parents more than anything. 

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Is there anything in that contract that says "children shall not use bins as goalposts in the summer as the ball will hit them, thousands of wasps will fly out and the b*****ds will sting the fat kid in goals to death"?

 

not that it ever happened to me like...  :unsure2:

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Up until now, I still harboured a faint hope that Scotland might play in a major championship sometime before I shuffle off the coil. Crap like this makes it even less likely. Do you think the Chinese are worrying about the poor wee thauthidges getting a boo-boo in the playground? (Shakes fist at clouds)

 

British Bulldogs in schools* should be mandatory. Prospective parents should be made to sign a (properly written) legal document stating they'll be fine with allowing their as yet to be conceived children to play it when they get to school. Only after signing the document will the prospective parents be allowed to have sex.

 

* I like the idea of making it mandatory in the workplace too. Rather than sending out passive-aggressive emails like "Will whoever it is who keeps taking the last of the coffee without refilling the pot please stop" you could just clothesline the fucker at lunchtime. No repercussions. 

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Ironically enough, the teachers at this school probably fully accept the importance of play in childhood. If you were to tell these teachers that from now on they can only use textbooks and nothing else, they'd go on a massive huff because the children have a right and a need to play. Yet they're depriving them of play with risks, trial & error etc with these ridiculous rules.

If they're that fed up of the children fighting over football, stop them playing football for a fortnight. I'm sure they'd start playing fine after that.

 

This.

 

Also the softer skills like fair play, honesty, resilience, turn taking, not hurting each other, working as a team  etc etc are values that should be permeating and taught throughtout the school and are not just something concerning only lunchtime football.

 

Sounds like a wider problem with the school itself tbh. 

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Was hoping this was going to be some kind of contracts for the bairns to play football for their school teams.

 

Wee Billy going on an exchange deal for some textbooks and a box of scientific calculators.

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