Sweet Pete Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I've still got my eulogy from my faither's funeral on my desktop, but I don't know if I've ever read it back since. On the day the priest only used about one sentence of it anyway, the p***k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted July 9, 2016 Author Share Posted July 9, 2016 2 minutes ago, Sweet Pete said: I've still got my eulogy from my faither's funeral on my desktop, but I don't know if I've ever read it back since. On the day the priest only used about one sentence of it anyway, the p***k. Our guy was a pro Church of Scotland bod who fills in for ministers who are on holiday, as ours was. Made a decent stab of it, got the names right, and was frank about not knowing my Dad from Adam. My Mother was a bit annoyed that he said Dad retired at 50 when it should have been 60, but I've been to much worse. Are you supposed to slip them a wee envelope? I meant to but got caught up in other stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Our guy was a pro Church of Scotland bod who fills in for ministers who are on holiday, as ours was. Made a decent stab of it, got the names right, and was frank about not knowing my Dad from Adam. My Mother was a bit annoyed that he said Dad retired at 50 when it should have been 60, but I've been to much worse. Are you supposed to slip them a wee envelope? I meant to but got caught up in other stuff. I'm sure his deity will reward him in the afterlife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parsforlife Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Are you supposed to slip them a wee envelope? I meant to but got caught up in other stuff. Aye but don't put anything in the thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 9 hours ago, welshbairn said: Our guy was a pro Church of Scotland bod who fills in for ministers who are on holiday, as ours was. Made a decent stab of it, got the names right, and was frank about not knowing my Dad from Adam. My Mother was a bit annoyed that he said Dad retired at 50 when it should have been 60, but I've been to much worse. Are you supposed to slip them a wee envelope? I meant to but got caught up in other stuff. Your old man will be peering through the Pearly Gates until St Peter is assured you've paid his way in. Not a great start to everlasting life, but never mind, you were busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 On 07/07/2016 at 3:00 PM, Ya Bezzer! said: Years ago, 1998 actually, I found the body of a work colleague who hadn't turn up for work. The boss was worried cos he hadn't turned up and he asked me to come with him to pop round to his house. It was just before Christmas because I remember the Christmas decorations being up in the windows. It was already dark by that time in the afternoon and that's why I remember the Christmas lights in the window. We chapped the door no response. Looked through the letter box but there was a curtain behind the door so you couldn't see in. At first because it was afternoon there wasn't any neighbours around so we waited and people started coming back from work after a while. Finally we got a neighbour and she said she hadn't seen him which was unusual because he usually went out to church on a Sunday. To be honest I didn't see what the fuss was, I thought "He'll just be in bed or have gone away for a few days or something" but my boss was much more worried about it, so he phoned the police. I don't know how long we waited for police to show up but it must have been at least 2 hours. In December, in the freezing cold. My boss was a wee guy, I'm a big guy, so he said "You're going to have to kick the door in". My boss went to phone the police again and I went to kick the door in. I'd never kicked a door in before and was a bit reluctant about it. I kept thinking "He's gonna be mad at me!" I didn't even know if I could physically do it. In the event all it took was one kick and the door flew open. It was actually quite an exhilarating thing to do. Anyway the door was now open and my excitement was instantly tempered. There were no lights on but I could see a dark shape lying between the hall and a bedroom that went out into the hall. It's weird how you just know but I could tell that this dark vague shape was him and he was dead. I don't know really how to describe it but it just gave off a lifelessness, or more accurately of life passed. The next thing I noticed was the smell. Truly awful. The sort of smell that you have to fight the urge to vomit the minute it hits you. We worked it out - the longest he could have been dead was 3 days. I don't know how quickly a body will decompose or what the smell was but was awful. I didn't cross the threshold of the door, I didn't want to see anything more clearly and it was obvious he was dead. Just as I turned to go tell my boss the police came up the stairs and I let them deal with it. An ambulance came and took the body away and we gave statements to the police. The police were pretty insensitive. They kept asking over and over again if he was a drinker, had I ever seen him drunk at work, did I know if he had a problem with alcohol. Is it less paper work if they can write the guy off as an alkie? It really angered me at the time. The other thing I remember was one of the police was a woman and she was gorgeous. Literally one of the best looking women I've ever seen in my life. When the body was taken away we went into the flat. There was a horrible black stain on the carpet where the body had been lying and the awful smell lingered. The guy was in his late 50's, never married. The place was a bit of a tip. I couldn't step over the stain and go into the bedroom so I stuck to the living room. There was a cage with a parrot in the corner. By this time the police had pissed off, just left us there. We had to phone a joiner to secure the door and my boss phoned the guys sister who lived in the US. She didn't give a f**k apparently. I remember this terrible sad feeling of being in someones house who had just died. All those possessions, the furniture, and the parrot. It all just seemed, I don't know, like all the material things you accumulate are ultimately completely useless. Since he had no family we went down to the hospital. They'd asked my boss to formally identify him or at least come down to the hospital for some reason, I'm not actually sure why. It was about 9pm by now. We both sat in a open waiting room at the hospital. We were the only two people there just sitting in the row of chairs. I remember we were checking out the nurses that walked past, I guess it was something to talk about. Then my boss got the call went and did whatever he had to do. When my boss came back that was it. He drove me home and life, as it does, went on. Apparently you shite yourself in some cases when you die What happened to the parrot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintonfan Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 all your muscles relax so any fluids or solids are affected by gravity, you dont actually shit yourself unless you pass sitting up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 all your muscles relax so any fluids or solids are affected by gravity, you dont actually shit yourself unless you pass sitting up If you pass hanging upside down, does the shit come out your mouth?Might explain The_Kincardine if so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Wife's gran passed this morning, so will need to head down south for the funeral. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambomo Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Told my dad has prostate cancer today. It seems to have be caught very early and apparently you can live well with it for ages but I'm still feeling pretty low about it. He's 69 so no spring chicken, thus he's decided not to get any treatment for it as the side effects (total incontinence) is worse than the current illness. I don't know if that'll be his line if it gets worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambomo Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Wife's gran passed this morning, so will need to head down south for the funeral. Sorry to read this, hope your wife and yourself are coping ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Sorry to read this, hope your wife and yourself are coping ok. Cheers. I'm fine, only met her twice. Wife's understandably cut up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Since it started up, I've pictured this every time I've seen this thread title in the GN list:DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Vojáček Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 On 04/07/2016 at 21:24, NewBornBairn said: I've met Death by the way. His name is Brian and he's a salesman for a power tool company. Brian D'Eath - I shit ye not At work a few weeks ago I met Dr Death. Her name is Helen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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