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I love it when folk trot out the "Wouldnt you be bored" patter.

Absolute fucking drones.
I would be bored as f**k swanning round the Caribbean & South Pacific, to be fair though, I would work my notice out of respect for my colleagues but I would be an utterly objectionable arsehole pointing out the ridiculous edicts throughout. I do like the Bruno Mars option though.
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If I became the sudden recipient of wealth off the radar I'd stay at work and see how long I could get away with doing sod all. That is to say, I would do so more blatantly than I do right now.

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When walking into a meeting, make sure you can see everybody that's there before announcing your presence with a breezy "Alright troops - hail Satan!"

Which I did earlier this morning when I walked into a room expecting only a few folk I know well, only to be confronted by a couple of unexpected high heid yins who hadn't immediately been in my line of sight as I walked in...

 

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If I won the lottery I would just stop turning up at work and not answer when they ask where I am.

Place has done f**k all for me so I’d be doing the same back.

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6 minutes ago, Hillonearth said:

When walking into a meeting, make sure you can see everybody that's there before announcing your presence with a breezy "Alright troops - hail Satan!"

Which I did earlier this morning when I walked into a room expecting only a few folk I know well, only to be confronted by a couple of unexpected high heid yins who hadn't immediately been in my line of sight as I walked in...

 

Unusual ways to resign for this pish.

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Oh yeah another one….

About a year after the day trip event , the Director came to me with an ‘Employee of the Month’ scheme where someone would get a token £25 for doing the best in various areas.  Initially I felt a bit lousy about it due to the relatively low amount but due to company policy getting any sort of reward was something.

 

So for the first month I concocted this elaborate points system to prove that a certain person was employee of the month so it could be seen in black and white.   I knew I couldn’t just give it someone that I ‘perceived’ to be employee of the month as it would cause folk to moan so  I took ages making sure the figures stacked up. Typical call centre type b*llshit. Number of calls taken, lateness, etc.

 

After awarding the first month to one of the girls who rightly deserved it,  I happened to go out the room after announcing it.  In my absence I found out that these two tw*ts started dissecting all the results, right in front of this girl who had won the £25 to try and prove I’d somehow got it wrong.  It was £25 ffs!

 

I was told afterwards and was f*cking livid.  So much so I decided to that I couldn’t be ars*d with the whole thing and it wouldn’t be happening again.  Told the Director why and he agreed.  Felt a bit bad for the other folk in the team in hindsight.

 

The irony of it was I’d decided in my head that I would fix it so each month so everyone would get a month where they won it as I didn’t think people would scrutinise it after a few months  especially  for the sake of £25 I didn’t think people would be so bothered!

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Oh yeah another one….

About a year after the day trip event , the Director came to me with an ‘Employee of the Month’ scheme where someone would get a token £25 for doing the best in various areas.  Initially I felt a bit lousy about it due to the relatively low amount but due to company policy getting any sort of reward was something.

 

So for the first month I concocted this elaborate points system to prove that a certain person was employee of the month so it could be seen in black and white.   I knew I couldn’t just give it someone that I ‘perceived’ to be employee of the month as it would cause folk to moan so  I took ages making sure the figures stacked up. Typical call centre type b*llshit. Number of calls taken, lateness, etc.

 

After awarding the first month to one of the girls who rightly deserved it,  I happened to go out the room after announcing it.  In my absence I found out that these two tw*ts started dissecting all the results, right in front of this girl who had won the £25 to try and prove I’d somehow got it wrong.  It was £25 ffs!

 

I was told afterwards and was f*cking livid.  So much so I decided to that I couldn’t be ars*d with the whole thing and it wouldn’t be happening again.  Told the Director why and he agreed.  Felt a bit bad for the other folk in the team in hindsight.

 

The irony of it was I’d decided in my head that I would fix it so each month so everyone would get a month where they won it as I didn’t think people would scrutinise it after a few months  especially  for the sake of £25 I didn’t think people would be so bothered!

There have been so many posts on here about the shiteness of call centre working but I think this one sums it up perfectly.
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4 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I love it when folk trot out the "Wouldnt you be bored" patter.

Absolute fucking drones.

'Aye mate, I've got enough money to go anywhere in the world for as long as I like, I'm bored oot ma nut here'

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4 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I love it when folk trot out the "Wouldnt you be bored" patter.

Absolute fucking drones.

There's a lad in my work (same one I've mentioned in the Indy Ref 2 thread) who says this.

He also asks what I would do, to which I reply "Whatever I want."

 

If I won I wouldn't be working ever again. I'd walk in and tell them (when I got up, and not in the morning) and let them know what's outstanding, and would probably get something like doughnuts for the office as most folk in the office are sound, but I wouldn't be working any notice period (and fortunately my job is easy and can be picked up pretty quickly, and I've written out a procedure for everything last summer as well).

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8 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

Against the grain here, I would obviously quit my job but I wouldn't give up working forever.

I'd start my own charity or business etc, f**k just doing nothing for the rest of my life.

I'd open a couple pubs, most likely. It might be pissing your money away (I'd probably set a limit on what I could lose a year) but it's something I've always wanted to do. 

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14 minutes ago, Dele said:

I'd open a couple pubs, most likely. It might be pissing your money away (I'd probably set a limit on what I could lose a year) but it's something I've always wanted to do. 

Indeed. Invest the right amount of money so that you have enough left over that you don't need it to be financially successful and it going bust wouldn't hurt you.

I would also like to open a bar or something in a sunny climate.

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Start a football club in somewhere like Pitlochry, or Crainlarich and take them up through the pyramid, paying a bunch of guys stupid wages and secret envelopes of caah under the desk, to the anger and jealousy of everyone. Then when it all got boring, let them fly to the wind.

Maybe I'd buy Sevco and instantly liquidate this new club, own all the name rights and hold them so that there wouldn't be a "Rangers".

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29 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Maybe I'd buy Sevco and instantly liquidate this new club, own all the name rights and hold them so that there wouldn't be a "Rangers".

Keep your fingers crossed that those three numbers come up this weekend!

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I used to work with someone who swore blind that Top Gear was totally spontaneous and not one bit scripted.

I asked how that could be with things like the races they have when it all has to be filmed, edited etc. but no, he wouldn't have it.

And yes, he was a dick.

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16 minutes ago, RGV said:

I used to work with someone who swore blind that Top Gear was totally spontaneous and not one bit scripted.

I asked how that could be with things like the races they have when it all has to be filmed, edited etc. but no, he wouldn't have it.

And yes, he was a dick.

People who are staunch top gear are invariably arseholes.

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