Non Monogomous Relationships

[BFTD]

57 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

My wife was talking to a friend of hers last week and the friend let slip that, in her twenties, she had been in a threesome. 

My wife was surprised but her pal gave more details... Turns out she was in a twin room pretending to sleep whilst a couple in the next bed were shagging. 

The wife pointed out that this wasn't a threesome. Her pal got a bit agitated at that. They ended up agreeing to disagree. 

She's angling for a proper threesome, m9.

[Hillonearth]

For me, it strikes me as a signifier either that both of the parties involved are bored and should really move on, or that one of the parties is ready to move on and the other will do anything to hang onto them. It's been going on forever though and it's not like it's any new concept - I remember turning up at a mate of mine's house in the early 80s and everything being packed into boxes. There had been no indication his family were moving, but it turned out that his folks had been getting into swinging (wife-swapping in the terms of the day) and had literally decided to swap wives full-time.

In terms of threesomes, I was lucky enough to have one once, but also unlucky enough that the two girls - one I'd been seeing for a couple of months and her friend - weren't into each other. You win some, you lose some.

[scottsdad]

11 minutes ago, Hillonearth said:

For me, it strikes me as a signifier either that both of the parties involved are bored and should really move on, or that one of the parties is ready to move on and the other will do anything to hang onto them. It's been going on forever though and it's not like it's any new concept - I remember turning up at a mate of mine's house in the early 80s and everything being packed into boxes. There had been no indication his family were moving, but it turned out that his folks had been getting into swinging (wife-swapping in the terms of the day) and had literally decided to swap wives full-time.

When I was a student, a few of our lecturers were into wife swapping. One woman (a technician at the uni) left her husband for a guy she met whilst at one of these parties. They all worked in the same department. Guess things were awkward for a while!

[Sergeant Wilson]

25 minutes ago, throbber said:

Me and my Mrs have sex about once every 6 weeks. 

Same. When is it my turn again?

[invergowrie arab]

The sex sounds OK but having to talk to more than one person about needing to redecorate the living room or that we need to send a card because her cousin has had a baby isn't for me. 

[ICTChris]

Be careful, if you embrace the lifestyle you could end up watching Tommy Sheridan shag a journalist in Cupids. 

[Hillonearth]

8 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

When I was a student, a few of our lecturers were into wife swapping. One woman (a technician at the uni) left her husband for a guy she met whilst at one of these parties. They all worked in the same department. Guess things were awkward for a while!

In the particular case I was talking about, I ended up getting the full grubby details direct from his old man many years later - I'd met my mate for a couple of pints in a pub in Partick before he went to a Celtic game, and his dad was there. My mate went to the game, and I spent the whole afternoon drinking with the dad...turned out it was his mother and the other guy that properly went for each other, and the other wife and him were basically the spares and tried to make a go of it...only lasted maybe a year or so.

Did get some other scurrilous stories from him too that day...he'd been a steward on one of the transatlantic liners at the tail end of the 50s and Rock Hudson tried to pump him on one trip...he'd made the assumption that all the stewards were gay.

"And THAT'S why I never liked that c**t in Dallas..."

[Florentine_Pogen]

Me and my Mrs have sex about once every 6 weeks. 

Do you drop her a hint by drawing a big cock n' balls on the kitchen 'to do' board.?.........

[Florentine_Pogen]

Yep. I try all sorts including seductively arranging fruit as well but she just doesn’t get it.

If you think you're being starved just now, wait until the menopause kicks in............. So make hay while the sun shines, young Throbster..........

[Shandon Par]

Even if everyone seems cool with it at the time, people can sometimes get angry about it after and try and kill your for having your way with their girlfriend.

[Leith Green]

49 minutes ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

If you think you're being starved just now, wait until the menopause kicks in............. So make hay while the sun shines, young Throbster..........

This is one subject that really needs its own thread....................but just dinnae tell my wife, ffs !

[scottsdad]

30 minutes ago, Shandon Par said:

Even if everyone seems cool with it at the time, people can sometimes get angry about it after and try and kill your for having your way with their girlfriend.

Sounds like you're talking from experience...

[BFTD]

1 hour ago, Shandon Par said:

Even if everyone seems cool with it at the time, people can sometimes get angry about it after and try and kill your for having your way with their girlfriend.

That was just you leaving traps for yourself, Tyler Durden.

[Satoshi]

5 hours ago, Hillonearth said:

For me, it strikes me as a signifier either that both of the parties involved are bored and should really move on, or that one of the parties is ready to move on and the other will do anything to hang onto them. It's been going on forever though and it's not like it's any new concept - I remember turning up at a mate of mine's house in the early 80s and everything being packed into boxes. There had been no indication his family were moving, but it turned out that his folks had been getting into swinging (wife-swapping in the terms of the day) and had literally decided to swap wives full-time.

In terms of threesomes, I was lucky enough to have one once, but also unlucky enough that the two girls - one I'd been seeing for a couple of months and her friend - weren't into each other. You win some, you lose some.

This is the sort of thing I wanted to dispel, or at least challenge. For me, not every non monogomous people are clinging on the same way not every supposedly monogmous couple are deeply committed to each other. Two people can mutually decide to be in a non monogomous relationship without anything being wrong with them, or their relationship. You might find a throuple who are deep into their version of monogomy, much moreso than a traditional monogmous couple.

I am sure there are some couples involved in non monogomy because of the reasons you described above, but for me they will be the minority. And you say major signifier - if one of your friends tells you their non monogomous I wouldn't recommend assuming it's because their relationship is hanging by a thread.

4 hours ago, ICTChris said:

Be careful, if you embrace the lifestyle you could end up watching Tommy Sheridan shag a journalist in Cupids. 

Or Eiffel Towering with Tommy.

 

4 hours ago, oaksoft said:

I'd be interested to know why you think this is something new.

The hippies were into all this free love stuff in the 60s and history is littered with stories of non-conventional relationships. Even in science, some of the biggest names like Einstein and Schrodinger (of cat fame for those who don't know Physics) had extremely unorthodox living arrangements.

That's before we even get started on Henry VIII, the Ancient Greeks, the mormons and the Indian and Arabian sub-continents where men can have more than one wife.

Why I think it's something new? I talked about the history of it in my opening post you nugget 

Nobody thinks it is something new (apart from that voice in your head), my position is that it is more talked about and more common now than it used to be (and that is likely a circular effect).

How it differs from the 60s, in my view at least, is that those relationships were viewed as more temporary relationships - whereas now the idea of long term non monogomy is more common.

Henry VIII is a strange example, given he got divorced and wasn't married to multiple people at the same time. Like pretty much every monarch he had sex with lots of people. The current second in line to the throne portrays a family image but clearly had an affair the media don't report on (and his dad and grandad were notorious for it too).

3 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Even if everyone seems cool with it at the time, people can sometimes get angry about it after and try and kill your for having your way with their girlfriend.

This is also very much the case in traditionally monogomous relationships. 

[velo army]

9 hours ago, Satoshi said:

There's no book on it that I'm aware of.

"Sex At Dawn" is superb, according to my pals who have read it. I read the first chapter and it's really well done. "The Ethical Slut" is also popular among the NMR crew (ethical non-monogamy they call it).

I've been the other one in a couple of NMRs. The first one was more of a Will Smith situation. I still feel bad about it. She was, and is, stunning and absolute dynamite in bed, but her hubby was a pal and an utterly lovely man. It was an open relationship, but very much her idea. The second was great. They were poly so it was like having a girlfriend without much commitment.

I couldn't do it though. Far too much organisation and spreading oneself thinly (at ease, Kenneth).

 

[Hillonearth]

1 hour ago, Satoshi said:

This is the sort of thing I wanted to dispel, or at least challenge. For me, not every non monogomous people are clinging on the same way not every supposedly monogmous couple are deeply committed to each other. Two people can mutually decide to be in a non monogomous relationship without anything being wrong with them, or their relationship. You might find a throuple who are deep into their version of monogomy, much moreso than a traditional monogmous couple.

I am sure there are some couples involved in non monogomy because of the reasons you described above, but for me they will be the minority. And you say major signifier - if one of your friends tells you their non monogomous I wouldn't recommend assuming it's because their relationship is hanging by a thread.

If people can make it work out for them, more power to them. I can't help feeling though that it would be one of these things that would work better psychologically for all concerned if it was that way from the get-go rather than adding others into a previously monogamous relationship...it has to be someone's idea at the start...guess I could see it working best with a group of people that maybe started off as flatmates or whatever and added a physical aspect later.

It's entirely possible it's just the mental association I have with the local married couples playing pass the missus in the late 70s I alluded to above, but the swinging thing has always had more than a whiff of Abigail's Party to me. The other one you mentioned - cuckolding - strays more into fetish rather than lifestyle territory I'd have thought.

 

[Jacksgranda]

8 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Even if everyone seems cool with it at the time, people can sometimes get angry about it after and try and kill your for having your way with their girlfriend.

You could maybe flesh this one out for us, please.