Theroadlesstravelled Posted April 25, 2023 Share Posted April 25, 2023 Whenever you’re about to do something, think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, do not do that thing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 3 hours ago, Theroadlesstravelled said: Whenever you’re about to do something, think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, do not do that thing. If you’re about to do anything, and need someone to hold your beer, don’t! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Don't wear trousers in the house or you won't get the benefit of them when you go outside. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Green Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Always park your car in gear to stop it running down the hill if the handbrake fails. .............or live in holland 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Aldo Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 If you're on a diet, cut portion sizes in half. That means you can then eat twice as much. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Don’t accept £500 notes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 When your hoover is blocked, don’t suck on the tube to unblock it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Don’t eat the yellow snow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 42 minutes ago, supermik said: Don’t eat the yellow snow. And watch out where the huskies go, cause some drink enough water to not colour that snow! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMoore Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 I still believe. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Another Spike tip: Sitting under a tree is a sure cure for seasickness. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmic Joe Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 When peeling a banana always turn it "upside down". Nae stringy bits -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Something premium rate phone number something "How's my Driving?" bumper sticker 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 13 hours ago, Leith Green said: Always park your car in gear to stop it running down the hill if the handbrake fails. .............or live in holland Avoid crashing your car by not owning one in the first place. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 If you don’t want to be airlifted home by emergency, don’t move to shithole third world countries! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Put a pinch of sage in your boots, and all day long a spicy scent is your reward 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted April 26, 2023 Author Share Posted April 26, 2023 If you hear strange noises in the night, make stranger ones to assert dominance. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Save money on expensive cat food and vet bills by not having a cat and slashing your furniture with a stanley knife instead. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 29 minutes ago, supermik said: If you don’t want to be airlifted home by emergency, don’t move to shithole third world countries! More like: if you DO want to be airlifted home by emergency don't be a citizen of a shithole third rate country run by useless arseholes 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 This might be one of Billy Connolly's: "This tramp came up to me and said 'for a quid I'll give you a tip that will save your life' So I gave him a quid and he said 'Never accept a lift from Ted Kennedy'...." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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