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The Pie and Bovril Off Menu

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I'm sure a lot of people on here will be familiar with the podcast Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster.  Each episode the bring a celebrity in to discuss their dream starter, main, side, dessert and drink (not always in that order).  There's discussions around the type of water for the table and whether the pre-meal dish should be bread or poppadoms.  Well worth a listen.  I was at a wedding at the weekend and got chatting to an old school mate about it and I've now got a couple of new restaurants that I'd like to try in future.

So to the Pie and Bovril masses.  What is your dream meal?  It can be anything you've ever eaten at a restaurant, some old home cooking from your gran or even just a Big Mac meal.   I'll kick things off with my terrible effort:

Still or Sparkling Water - Still.  I will never understand anybody who chooses sparkling water.  It just tastes weird. No fruit in the glass and just crushed ice please.

Poppadoms or Bread - Cheesy garlic bread from The Gaff in Ellon.  Stunning dough and incredible cheese. It's more like a pizza than a garlic bread.  If you're ever going to a game in Peterhead then I'd encourage you to stop off in Ellon on your way back and try out the food.  This photo is the only one I can find online but it looks much better in real life!


Starter - Playing it safe and dull here.  TGIs Jack Daniels Sesame Chicken.  We all know it. Not the fanciest thing in the world but something I always look forward to.  Honourable mentions to a black pudding tower and the beef and tattie soup that my wifes Granny makes.


Main Meal - a steak from hawksmoor. Probably a rib eye - cooked medium.  Need I add more?  I was unaware that they'd opened a restaurant in Edinburgh! Not putting a picture of a steak up as I'm fairly sure you could all figure it out.  Peppercorn sauce please.

Side Dish: triple cooked chips. Bit of parmesan on top.  OR the Miller & Carter camembert mash. Incredible.  Screw it give me them both.  Wee bit of mixed veg. Cannae beat a tenderstem.

Pudding - lemon posset.  I've only had 1 ever in my life and it was on my wedding day.  I've yet to find a restaurant that does it.  It's just cream, sugar and lemon juice but it's the lightest, most delicious dessert I've had.  

Drink - I'd be happy with a malbec or a pint of Brew Toon Mango Unchained.


It would be great to get some recommendations for restaurants in Scotland and further afield.  

Edited by The Minertaur
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11 minutes ago, oneteaminglasgow said:

@The Minertaur The Bridge Inn in Ratho do a Lemon Posset. So if you’re ever near Edinburgh, there you go

I’ll get round to thinking this through later 

I can literally close the thread now.  Thanks.

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Still water for the table

Crusty baguette slices with real butter for the table

Starter: calamari with tartare sauce, white wine to drink
Main: Rare (close to blue) fillet steak, accompanied with chips, fried mushrooms, garden peas, broccoli, and English mustard, red wine to drink
Dessert: New York cheesecake with vanilla ice cream, pint of Guinness and Talisker chaser to drink 

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Still water for the table, obviously.

A classic French Boule

Cullen Skink

I can’t mind what it’s called, but in Croatia I had some kind of Bosnian beef dish stuffed with goats cheese, and it’s the nicest thing I’ve ever eaten. So that, with asparagus, broccoli and peas. Maybe some potato dauphinois as well, f**k it.

Chocolate delice with an orange sorbet to finish

Off the bevvy presently, so appletiser to go with it.

And a wee bit of freshly made tablet handed out with the bill, please.

Then head home to feel a bit sick after eating all of that. 

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Sparkling water is the only water.

Nice prawn cocktail.  The Marks and Sparks one will do fine.   Can eat tubs of that. 

A massive margarita pizza, stone fired, from the box.  Extra cheese. 

Not a big sweets guy, so I’ll get another drink instead.

On that note, a pint of Founders Canadian Breakfast Stout.  The finest beer known to man.   And seeing as I’m not having a dessert, I’ll have a bottle of 2020 Cabalie Grenache.  

edit; or scrub that, and I’ll just go for the 7 course tasting menu at Marcus, with the matching wines and a espresso martini.  

Edited by Savage Henry
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Still or Sparkling Water - still. Even tap water, as long as ice cold. Never understood sparkling water. Horrible taste and fills you with gas. What a nonsense.

Poppadoms or bread? Bread, simply because there is so many different options. Had some amazing warm bread with browned butter and Amsterdam pickles from Ron Gastrobar in Amsterdam so maybe that, if I had to choose. 

Starter - Tortellini with sage and butter from Antico Locanda, Borghetto sul Mincio, Italy. I've been to several very nice places in Italy including the three Michelin Starred Casadonna Reale in Castel di Sangro but this is still probably the best Italian course I've ever had. They have a festival in the village as its a famous local speciality - The filling has beef, chicken, pork, carrot, celery and rosemary but the sauce is the star of the show with lots and lots of butter and some sage that turns crispy when cooked in the butter. Simple but superb.

Main - A slight cheat as it is usually a starter, but Lamb Choila. Especially from Apricot in Dunfermline. Marinated lamb, juicy and tender in a lovely warming spice mix served on a fried basket (like a Poppadom but not quite), it comes with tomatoes, onions, coriander, ginger, lots of garlic.

Oops, forgot the sides - chips and plenty of them. Crispy on the outside, fluffy in the middle, plenty of salt. The chips from the Chop and Ale House near Linlithgow would do just the job.

Dessert - has to be some variation of sticky toffee pudding, butterscotch sauce and ice cream (more than one flavour, if allowed to cheat - Pistachio, Coffee and Hazelnut from la Gelateria in Florence). The STP at Gleneagles is very nice although I think the best I've ever had was from the Inchture Hotel coming back from Tannadice once. If allowed, a wee espresso and/or limoncello to wash it all down.

Drink - I'm not a big drinker, don't like wine and tend to drive so usually it would be Coke Zero or Pepsi Max but since the Genie can whisk me home I'll have some Birra Moretti please, nice and cold. 

Thanks for reading. I'm off for a fish supper.

Edited by Salvo Montalbano
Forgot the sides!
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59 minutes ago, The Minertaur said:

What sort of food from the chipper?  Haddock?  Salt and sauce?  All important elements that are missing.

I don't actually like flat sausage.

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