Affairs

[Bairnardo]

8 hours ago, VincentGuerin said:

Cheated on my girlfriend when I was 19 and lasted about a week before fessing up and was deservedly chucked. Never done it again.

I do know a lot of people who have had affairs and to be honest as I get older I'm becoming less judgemental of it. I don't mean it is something I'm all for, I just mean that as I get older I see that stuff happens in life and things are not really always black and white.

Most people I know who have done so have done it out of loneliness within their marriage for whatever reason. People of both sexes with really similar stories. Not bad people as such, and I generally consider the friends I know who have done so to be trustworthy people in general.

A friend of my missus is having an affair at the moment. We found out in quite a convoluted way, but we know for sure. The missus quietly brought it up with her and she gave her the whole story about basically being really lonely, but there's the kids and the mortgage and so on and so on. I can see how that happens.

Ideally, people would just leave their partner if they want to, but that's not really how life works. When my missus' pal's affair came to light one of the things my missus says reassures her about us is that either of us could walk away with very little difficulty tomorrow if we wanted to, so there's not much point in either of us having an affair etc.

She's a very practical lassie.

There's also societal stigma of ending a marriage even when both parties might know its the thing to do.

Thankfully much less now but still, it exists and it must contribute heavily to affairs. 

[Hedgecutter]

49 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

There's also societal stigma of ending a marriage even when both parties might know its the thing to do.

Thankfully much less now but still, it exists and it must contribute heavily to affairs. 

Pretty much all long term relationship couples I know are still together and seem to be still happy* whilst a good chunk of the ones who got married are now divorced.  Make of that what you will.

 

*

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 07:00 by Hedgecutter

[Granny Danger]

1 hour ago, Bairnardo said:

There's also societal stigma of ending a marriage even when both parties might know its the thing to do.

Thankfully much less now but still, it exists and it must contribute heavily to affairs. 

I’d suggest the main reason unhappily married people stay together, whether or not they have affairs, is a financial one rather than social stigma.

 

[VincentGuerin]

49 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

Pretty much all long term relationship couples I know are still together and seem to be still happy* whilst a good chunk of the ones who got married are now divorced.  Make of that what you will.

 

*

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As a happily unmarried person (me and the missus make noises about it from time to time, but in reality I doubt we'll ever f**king bother), I think part of this is probably the element of relative freedom.

If I decided to leave the missus tomorrow, we'd need to sort the house out but that's really about it. I'd just be putting my stuff in a bag and getting to f**k.

Obviously not having kids massively simplifies the process. But I think this removes that feeling of being trapped when things aren't going well. We both know we could just f**k off, and I think that's been a good pressure valve for each of us at times. It's one of the reasons I reckon we're unlikely to ever actually get married unless it's in our sixties or something. It suits us.

Edited Tuesday at 07:49 by VincentGuerin

[ICTChris]

I’d have to look it up but I’m sure that married couples split less than couples in long term relationships. 

 

[VincentGuerin]

6 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

I’d have to look it up but I’m sure that married couples split less than couples in long term relationships. 

 

I'd imagine that's true due to the hassle involved, but I think the point made above is that unmarried couples who do stay together long-term are probably happier on average than married couples, as the ease of leaving if you're unhappy probably reduces the number of folk sitting about for years unhappy.

Kids may be a bigger factor (in staying together) though.

Edited Tuesday at 08:01 by VincentGuerin

[Bairnardo]

32 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

I’d suggest the main reason unhappily married people stay together, whether or not they have affairs, is a financial one rather than social stigma.

 

Younger folk the money one, older folk the stigma, in my admittedly limited experience 

[ICTChris]

9 minutes ago, VincentGuerin said:

I'd imagine that's true due to the hassle involved, but I think the point made above is that unmarried couples who do stay together long-term are probably happier on average than married couples, as the ease of leaving if you're unhappy probably reduces the number of folk sitting about for years unhappy.

Kids may be a bigger factor though.

It’s obviously subjective and I’d need to look it up but I’m sure that married people score higher in terms of happiness and life satisfaction in just about every survey than single or co-habiting people.

[VincentGuerin]

3 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

It’s obviously subjective and I’d need to look it up but I’m sure that married people score higher in terms of happiness and life satisfaction in just about every survey than single or co-habiting people.

Married people convinced themselves that getting married was wise. They are experts in lying to themselves and you can't believe a f**king word they say.

These are people who spend, on average, £24,000 ON A DAY.

Their views cannot be taken seriously on anything.

Edited Tuesday at 08:11 by VincentGuerin

[effeffsee_the2nd]

42 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

I’d suggest the main reason unhappily married people stay together, whether or not they have affairs, is a financial one rather than social stigma.

 

And kids, and the whole palava about whose going to live where, loss of support netwroks, stigma etc etc. it's not as simply as two teenagers going their own ways.  it's much simpler to just have an affair, the hard bit is finding someone who will go along with it without causing extra issues themselves 

[Granny Danger]

5 minutes ago, effeffsee_the2nd said:

And kids, and the whole palava about whose going to live where, loss of support netwroks, stigma etc etc. it's not as simply as two teenagers going their own ways.  it's much simpler to just have an affair, the hard bit is finding someone who will go along with it without causing extra issues themselves 

Yeah the kids definitely which I factored in to the money thing.  Enough cash and you can make arrangements to suit.

You here stories about when the kids leave home people realising they have nothing left in common.

 

[effeffsee_the2nd]

20 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

Yeah the kids definitely which I factored in to the money thing.  Enough cash and you can make arrangements to suit.

You here stories about when the kids leave home people realising they have nothing left in common.

 

indeed, you might also find that sides are excellent listeners where as man n wife are like two ships in the night, so a friend told me 

[BFTD]

9 hours ago, DrewDon said:

A snog is not an affair. 

As a wise man once said, "eating isn't cheating".

37 minutes ago, VincentGuerin said:

Married people convinced themselves that getting married was wise. They are experts in lying to themselves and you can't believe a f**king word they say.

These are people who spend, on average, £24,000 ON A DAY.

Their views cannot be taken seriously on anything.

Can't remember which comedian made the point that married couples are always desperate for other people to get married because misery loves company. Same goes with having children.

It's very strange, but I think there's definitely something to that.

[VincentGuerin]

2 minutes ago, BFTD said:

Can't remember which comedian made the point that married couples are always desperate for other people to get married because misery loves company. Same goes with having children.

It's very strange, but I think there's definitely something to that.

I mind one of my mates getting married a few years ago and on the stag do he made the point that his wife-to-be had always nagged him about the price of his Kilmarnock season ticket. He reflected on this by commenting that they had spent more than the annual cost of his season ticket on FLOWERS for the wedding. Flowers. For one day.

People like to call the Lottery a poverty tax, but I think weddings are the modern middle-class tax. People pay absurd sums, and it's frankly a complete waste of money. Most of the weddings are very samey and it's all very silly.

So, even in the act of actually having the day, I can see why people would seek the justification of others doing it.

Then there's the parents. f**king hell...

[effeffsee_the2nd]

11 minutes ago, VincentGuerin said:

I mind one of my mates getting married a few years ago and on the stag do he made the point that his wife-to-be had always nagged him about the price of his Kilmarnock season ticket. He reflected on this by commenting that they had spent more than the annual cost of his season ticket on FLOWERS for the wedding. Flowers. For one day.

People like to call the Lottery a poverty tax, but I think weddings are the modern middle-class tax. People pay absurd sums, and it's frankly a complete waste of money. Most of the weddings are very samey and it's all very silly.

So, even in the act of actually having the day, I can see why people would seek the justification of others doing it.

Then there's the parents. f**king hell...

All true although worth mentioning you don't HAVE to have the big do at the hotel with 100 odd guests and all that shite, there are more affordable and modest options available other than the cheapest of the cheap registry office and bowling club.  That said your wife may disagree on whats acceptable!

[BFTD]

9 minutes ago, VincentGuerin said:

I mind one of my mates getting married a few years ago and on the stag do he made the point that his wife-to-be had always nagged him about the price of his Kilmarnock season ticket. He reflected on this by commenting that they had spent more than the annual cost of his season ticket on FLOWERS for the wedding. Flowers. For one day.

People like to call the Lottery a poverty tax, but I think weddings are the modern middle-class tax. People pay absurd sums, and it's frankly a complete waste of money. Most of the weddings are very samey and it's all very silly.

So, even in the act of actually having the day, I can see why people would seek the justification of others doing it.

Then there's the parents. f**king hell...

My in-laws paid a fortune for our wedding. Neither of us wanted it, and would've been happy with a civil reception with family/friends, but they caused such a fuss that it was easier to just go along with it and try to limit our own suffering. So we got married in front of hundreds of their business acquaintances; I got the impression that they'd been invited to the weddings of those people's children, so were terrified that it would considered rude if they didn't reciprocate.

The infamous "I didn't get the wedding I wanted either, and you'll be able to get yours when your (non-existent) daughter gets married" was unironically trotted out too. Any objections we had were met with, "fine, why don't you go and get married in Vegas in front of Elvis!" which was supposed to be an insult but sounded pretty sweet TBH.

[VincentGuerin]

1 minute ago, BFTD said:

My in-laws paid a fortune for our wedding. Neither of us wanted it, and would've been happy with a civil reception with family/friends, but they caused such a fuss that it was easier to just go along with it and try to limit our own suffering. So we got married in front of hundreds of their business acquaintances; I got the impression that they'd been invited to the weddings of those people's children, so were terrified that it would considered rude if they didn't reciprocate.

The infamous "I didn't get the wedding I wanted either, and you'll be able to get yours when your (non-existent) daughter gets married" was unironically trotted out too. Any objections we had were met with, "fine, why don't you go and get married in Vegas in front of Elvis!" which was supposed to be an insult but sounded pretty sweet TBH.

Got to be honest, she must be some lassie. In-laws like that would have me running a f**king mile.

[BFTD]

7 minutes ago, VincentGuerin said:

Got to be honest, she must be some lassie. In-laws like that would have me running a f**king mile.

Oh, they were a lot worse than just that. One of them ended up in jail for being a big pervert.

We were together for twenty years in the end, so I considered it worthwhile. Imagine pishing away a fortune on your kid's wedding only for them to get divorced, though  

[Hampden Diehard]

On 15/09/2024 at 17:39, tamthebam said:

I suppose if you have a crowd of 400 at the Recs and 4% are psychopaths then that's 16 people (well, it's bad statistical mathematics using the original data but you get the idea)

If you can lie about there only being 4% of the usual Recs crowd being psychopaths, you can probably carry off any lie! Ideal candidate for infidelity.

[Florentine_Pogen]

1 hour ago, VincentGuerin said:

Married people convinced themselves that getting married was wise. They are experts in lying to themselves and you can't believe a f**king word they say.

These are people who spend, on average, £24,000 ON A DAY.

Their views cannot be taken seriously on anything.

What a mental post.