Sweet Pete

It's the morning and I am alive. Now where's my fucking beer?

Four spicy fajitas for dinner washed down with a bottle of merlot. SEND YOUR HEARTBURN OVER HERE! SEEEENNNDD YOUR HEARTBURN OVER HERE!

Congratulations on reaching adulthood.

You made the right choice. Adidas bores are... well, boring.

I've half a dozen bottles reserved for you, but you're not getting the lot. I'd sooner die than hand the lot over.

I was 13 when I started boozing I think. I can't remember the exact age because I haven't really sobered up for long since. I do recall having my first recreational drugs before trying booze, circa age 10. Think I tried my first fag the year afore that.

I don't drink cider anyway, too gassy, fucks my guts up. Nae danger I'm going teetotal. I tried it for a while, it was shite.

It'll be ready next week. Think Adam's coming over for the uncorking.

She gave me the fucking omeprazole! She wants me to take that, eat a bland diet and cut the bevvy oot. Think I'll just take the omeprazole and dingy the rest.

Went to the doc this morning about recurrent heartburn. She's only gone and told me to stop drinking for a month while it settles down. I've got 25 pints of homebrew on the go!

Not sure why Finnie has never really established himself in the first team at any club as he looked like one of the most promising talents I've seen when he played for us in the play-off winning season as a 16 or 17 year old. Fast, athletic, great crossing and dribbling ability, the kind of fullback who creates goals and chips in with a few as well. Then Sons manager Alan Adamson said at our promotion party that Sunderland and other clubs were interested in him, but since then he seems to have floated around without really playing senior football.

Update: I'm still alive. For now.

Had heartburn on and off for four days. Today's been the worst yet.

No, it was him who was posting a load of nonsense about Calais. "We give anyone who turns up money and a house" etc

Just discovered via Facebook that one of my mates is a racist

Bet it was BBPF, I instantly read it in his voice.

Have Sons ever been full time at any point in history?

Surely the agency, whose responsibility it is to pay your wages, will have to do a second transfer immediately to your account paying your salary, and then try and claw back the original funds transferred in error from whomever they were sent to? If it's the case that they're saying you'll only be paid when they get their money back then I'd be straight round there with a milk bottle full of fuel, an old rag and a zippo.

Dastardly.

Correct. I'm glad you've come around to my way of thinking. But seriously though, she fucking ruins my clothes.

I'M NOT FAT! Well, I mean, not that fat at least...

I'll kill you and your entire family.

My nephews are great beneficiaries of her hopelessness. She'll shrink some bit of brand new kit and then I'll just hand it straight to them.

Considered going to that, mainly for the social aspect, but I've got the bairn this weekend, so it's a no go. Prices will be absurd anyway.

My bird has ruined so many items of my clothing in the tumble dryer. Then insists that she's never shrunk anything!