Sweet Pete

It wasn't really. More a very brief anecdote.

Just had my laddie at playgroup, which is in a Methodist church near my house. At the end the old dear who runs it announced to us all that they won't be having a Halloween party for the kids as they don't celebrate pagan festivals. I had a good chuckle when she said that.

Showing your age there!

Someone who'd met you.

I once heard you described as "alright enough, but a bit weird, ken". I'd say that sums it up.

I'm already a borderline alcie, so it'd probably be good to substitute rid sauce in instead. It's cool that you fancy me. I'm flattered. Only socially inept weirdos take their own food into cinemas. Absolutely no shock therefore that DA Baracus does it.

My maw didn't let us have red sauce as kids because it was sugary, so I've made it into adulthood only ever having had it in burgers. I just had some Heinz ketchup on a couple of rolls 'n' sausage and it was braw.

I'm hungover, you've no chance.

Thought it might be fun to list all the grounds we've seen games at over the years. On the other hand, it might be a boring chore. Let's see. In no particular order, I've seen games at the following stadiums: Rugby Park, Kilmarnock Strathclyde Direct Cheaper Rock Insurance DL Cameron Stadium, Dumbarton Hampden Park, Scotland Lochburn Park, Maryhill Juniors (though the twice I've been were both Clydebank v Pollok cup finals, not Marhyill games) Broadwood, Clyde Excelsior, Airdrie Borough Briggs, Elgin City Pittodrie, Aberdeen Holm Park, Yoker Athletic / Clydebank Glenhead Park, Clydebank Kilbowie Park, Clydebank Millburn Park, Vale of Leven Gayfield, Arbroath Easter Road, Hibernian New Douglas Park, Hamilton Accies Love Street, St Mirren New St Mirren Park, St Mirren Anfield, Liverpool Cardiff City Stadium, Cardiff City Cliftonhill, Albion Rovers Ibrox, Rangers Celtic Park, Celtic Victoria Park, Ross County Tulloch Caledonian Stadium, Inverness Caley Thistle Fir Park, Motherwell Station Park, Forfar Athletic Ochilview, Stenhousemuir Firhill, Partick Thistle Palmerston Park, Queen of the South Cappielow, Greenock Morton Falkirk Stadium, Falkirk Central Park, Cowdenbeath Somerset Park, Ayr United Galabank, Annan Athletic Shielfield Park, Berwick Rangers So, 35 in total. What grounds have y'all been to?

So, you don't have a car... but you do have a car?

I must remember to be less subtle in future

Spend the cash on a therapist instead. Fucking hell.

Interesting family fact: Slippery_P's son is called Baby_P.

Pleasuretown, that's where.

How's the post-crash rehab going, Slippery?

Yeah, that sounds more like a cool renegade cop duo who drive a Lamborghini and shoot baddies in the face. With their cocks. Like in gay porn. Oh hang on we've gone full circle.

It sounds like you're trying to recruit me into a gay porn partnership.

Mate, my big mouth gets me into trouble and my ample frame gets me out of it again because I'm #nails. My sister-in-law is in Thailand currently. Give her a c**t punt for me if you see her.

BEAST

He's a reformed Ayr fan, he's earned the right.

When you've been up all night Friday to breakfast time Saturday, but nary a bevvy has crossed your lips nor a powder graced your nose. Insomnia, weans and recuperating dugs. Being old is shite.

Buy a Dylon for a fiver, it even comes with the salt pre mixed nowadays. Stick them through the wash with it and hey presto.

Deal. I wish you were all dead.

And you didn't even grab an armful for your ol' buddy Pete (twenty years in advance of meeting me). Poor show from you.

I know lots about you. I've heard terrible things. Mods, please?