Sweet Pete

Spotify has thrown up an acoustic cover version of Prison Sex by Tool, presumably fromk one of these "a tribute to..." type albums, and because it's slower and more clear than the original, the lyrics are somehow even more horrifying than usual.

I'll just tell her it's part of the storyline that she already can't follow anyway. Like how the main character becomes a different person midway through Lost Highway.

That's a great idea, except for the fact that Colin Farrell isn't in that fucking film.

A real bugbear of mine. She seems patently unable to follow anything but the most simple and conventional storyline. To the point that she's unwilling to watch anything with me that isn't totally formulaic. Also won't watch any "gangster films", and this could be literally any crime thriller / drama.

Reading into this, I'd say your wife is unsatisfied sexually, hence the frequent dreams about infidelity. She'll leave you soon because you're a shite ride, probably announce it at Christmas dinner.

Not in my household.

I don't think giving you a w**k should count as an infuriating thing your partner does, frankly.

You shut your filthy whore mouth.

Clutching x 2.

South starts with So. Theory as dead as Keith Chegwin.

It's not snowing in Clydebank. Theory blown out of the water.

I was tasked with digging our tree and decorations out of the cellar, which, of course, meant that they were at the very back, underneath a hundred things. I dutifully emptied the cellar, carried the tree and boxes of decorations inside and said "we always argue about tree bauble placement because you're an uptight cow, so you decorate the tree yourself" (I may be paraphrasing), and as my reward I was then tasked with clearing out and reorganising the cellar. Turns out that the four bags of old bedding, two old dismantled beds, half box of broken tiles, empty cardboard box and seven old tins of paint weren't really needed, so I was then tasked with binning them all. She then had the bright idea that all my tools and camping gear could be mounted on the cellar walls to make better use of the space, so I was tasked with hanging various tents, bergens, roll mats, spades, rakes and tool bags from the cellar's brick walls and inside of the door. Still, the cellar's spotless and the tree's up.

I'm not even convinced of what these tests can accurately tell a prospective employer. For example: you take the test and it says you are not the easiest to get along with, but all the other candidates who are more compliant are less skilled / qualified for the role, so what point was there in the test? Or like your experience, the tests suggest to the person reading the results that none of the applicants are suited, so you just don't hire anyone to fill the vacant role? Pointless nonsense.

Aye it's pish.

Tell them to f**k off. I had a series of interviews for a national construction company a couple of years ago and when they announced that the next stage after that was several rounds of psychometric testing I told them to drop me out of the running. Maximum two interviews should be enough in my opinion, and that's certainly what I do when hiring staff. One to sound them out, one to work out the details / have the MD or whoever take a look at them.

There's no getting the shite off. Best way is to skim the whole wall over it.

Speaking of which, can you give me a sub?

That's what friends are for.

And a bellend, don't forget that.

The worst thing of all is that you didn't have the balls to follow through with your convictions and wandered off to watch junior teams once you'd done it, it makes it all the more wasteful.

Good idea, I was getting bored with the 1 it sits at currently. Just you concentrate on killing and franchising football clubs with your onions pals and don't worry about me.

It's a way of describing it then, but a misleading one. It's coincidence that there was a generation between instances, that's all.

Diabetes skipping generations like a sentient death robot. Diseases don't skip generations, you're either genetically inclined to it or not.

Away and don't talk shite.

What list?