Sweet Pete

Throbber's claim was that he "limits himself to 15 cans of budweiser and a bottle of red wine" consumed over Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

He said cans.

Shut up, you stinking, hippy stoner.

I hope he makes it into space, loses all power except radio transmission and does a Major Tom.

I'm getting the tambourine gang on you for that.

On the TV coverage of the cup final that day they said Mileson had bussed in Carlisle fans for the day, they even interviewed some outside the ground from memory. We drew 3-3 with them at Rugby Park in one of the worst games I've ever seen. It was played in a maelstrom as well which made the whole thing that much worse as wind, rain, biting cold and sudden darkness converged with two dreadful fitba teams to make for a truly miserable experience. We had to come back from being down twice if my memory isn't playing tricks. We had a right weird team out that day, too. One of the centre backs was injured pre-match, so Gary Locke, who hadn't been in the matchday squad I don't think, was drafted in to play in midfield and our usual defensive midfielder, James Fowler, was forced to centre back. A barely able to walk let alone run Locke, who was a former defender (admittedly he'd been a full back, but he'd then been a central defensive mid, so if someone had to be shunted to a makeshift centre back he'd have been less calamitous possibly than Fowler), standing in the centre midfield doing nowt, whilst Fow, who had never played centre back, had a horror show in defence. Another Jim Jefferies tactical masterclass. I mind, possibly our third, goal being scored by David Fernandez and then him running to celebrate with the physio as that was his comeback from a huge injury lay off that began when Gary Caldwell took him out of the game against Celtic ages before and he was continually picking up more injuries during recovery. For all that fat St Johnstone c**t from the BBC claims to hate them now and says he saw through the whole thing, the night before the cup final him and the fat Motherwell c**t presented a programme on the BBC where they praised both Mileson and Romanov (another chancing conman halfwit) endlessly. So it's fine for him to be revisionist now, but when his paymasters said they were flavour of the month he happily gobbled the cock, stroked the shaft, cradled the balls and swallowed the load whole just like the rest of his media cronies at the time.

Seems extraordinarily wasteful. Kitchen towel, despite the various brands' claims to the contrary, falls to bits the minute it gets wet and if you have a whole sink's worth of dishes to dry, you'd need to use about a roll of kitchen roll to dry them all.

"I'm doing really well, I've cut my binge drinking down to only three days a week, totally only around 40 units weekly. *hic*"

RIP

The way the word "actual" has been corroded and ruined by incorrect, out of context overuse by morons in recent years.

No, just scrape any scraps off, same as you would if hand washing.

If I was you, I'd drink bleach.

While I'm on the subject, is waste water really an issue in a country where it rains 265 days per year? I can't see how leaving a tap running is going to have any effect on water levels or Council Tax in this country. Elsewhere, yes, but not here.

DA Baracus considers that witchcraft.

c**t workmates being lazy, workshy, ignorant c***s.

Wife's given me a Christmas present early. I've been nicking her 9 foot v body pillow lately. She got it when she was pregnant and dug it out again when we were expecting the second recently. I've been using it whenever I can as it's a glorious way to sleep. She's got me a 12 foot U body pillow with Egyptian cotton pillowcase (I don't know what it means, but I've heard people on American films talk about them) and it's superb. Slept in it last night, surrounded by pillow like a 6' baby or something. Lying in my super king size pillow top bed with my 12 foot pillow, the way an emperor would sleep. So aye, basically if you don't have a 12 foot pillow, Egyptian cotton pillowcase and super king size bed then you're a filthy peasant basically.

Finally! A queen I can w**k over, other than Lily Savage.

Yes.

Uncle Joe would have sorted this lot out right motherfucking quick. RIP.

Brown bread is what bread should be. White bread is for three year olds. If she can't do something as simple as wash a dish then I'd seriously question her personal hygiene. I bet her fanny fucking reeks.

That'll show them aye. Never mind chopping their heads off, whitewashing their titles from history and giving their lands and estates to the people, let's just hope there's a bit of drizzle and they have to take their photos indoors. You fucking yoghurt knitters and your namby pamby ways. No wonder the terrorists are winning.

I wouldn't even get to enjoy a public holiday for their wedding, I'm a contractor and don't get paid if I don't work. For that reason, I'm proposing that after they've been beheaded, their corpses are given a bloody good kicking as well, just out of spite.