Salt n Vinegar

If only we could get Boris to campaign in Scotland. Dross would s#it himself.

In other news, I see that Leipzig lost 3-1 away at Borussia Monchengladbach yesterday. Some straws to clutch at there. Playing a day later, with international travel coming up, and losing. For all I know, some dream stealing pest will now point out that they fielded their Under 15s or something, but before Thursday I'll be looking for any encouragement I can find... .

That one sentence is enough to discredit the "UK". The "Queen". FFS.

Expect cunning Tory response.... "Bit of a case of leaping to judgement here. Because of your predisposition to think the worst of our dedicated, hard working Prime Minister, you have assumed that the award was given as a recognition of something good. In fact it was given to a junior member of staff who told a particularly politically incorrect joke, as a warning to others. Neither the Prime Minister nor anyone else from this Government would ever behave inappropriately on matters of sexism. Now, questions from journalists... Ah, first, we'd like to have Laura from the BBC... wow, how many times have I heard THAT EXPRESSION during cabinet! "

Tbh I did think of saying "or Glasgow on an old firm weekend" but maybe not today .

If chemtrails make folk docile, I can only assume that no planes fly, or have ever flown, over Ukraine.

Disappointed though I am to say this, I'm not particularly worried about the match today. The league died weeks ago as a serious contest. That being the case, on both a practical and an emotional level, Thursday's match and even the Cup Final against the Jambonians (remember that's still to come ) are far more important. Aye, it would be a bit of a laugh if we sneaked a cheeky one nil win, and I certainly won't turn it down, but really it's more important to have good performances from key players to keep the confidence up and end the game with nobody stookied.

Ok, President Putin, calm doon.

The bold Willie still makes some, if somewhat surprising, impact on younger voters. My older lad couldn't even remember the present leaders' names - at either Holyrood or Westminster. He says "Willie Rennie sounds like something you'd take if your boaby got indigestion."

Thank goodness he wasn't looking at combine harvesters or the Wurzels greatest hits would be on the telly 24/7.

One of my uncles, who worked in local government, claimed that after council elections it was easy to see who the LibDems were, as they were the ones whose greatest fear was to be trapped in the same room as a difficult decision.

The kind of bloke who, if his wife found a love bite on his neck, would claim that he fell down the stairs and landed on a pair of false teeth.

If he stands next time will he be able to hang on to his deposit?

Edit... Sorry.. In a crowded field, I realise I should have been far more specific! I am referring to the porn addict. Other miscreants are of course available!

With all the guff about these chancers being "honourable", surely it will only be a matter of hours until the respected member confesses his sin and throws himself on the mercy of the house?

Pretty tricky problem for the DUP. If they refuse to "allow" devolved government to operate, they would be handing control of equalities, education, abortion, marriages etc legislation over to Westminster. I'm not absolutely certain they'd like that.

When's the team announced? I'm still optimistic about getting a shout to play up front .

The bookies odds don't always reflect the real situation - they only reflect the bets placed.. he said optimistically . Rangers at 8/1 to sneak a win tonight? Might risk a cheeky quid.

I am sure that in my student days, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and everything was made of wood and cost a penny, there was an article about him in the NME. It referred to one of the band members asking if anyone had seen "the raspberry" in reference to Ian Dury, "raspberry" being a contraction of the rhyming slang "raspberry ripple". * You can work the rest out yourselves.. * that was from pal, too.

I trust no lords, be they terrestrial or supernatural!

Russia speakers being oppressed? I hope to Hell no nightclub bouncer has ever chucked a Russian speaker out, or we're all clucked.

Aye, an honourable member right enough.

Thank Christ it doesn't look like a duck.

How and when are radio coverage deals worked out? Will we have the delights of Richard Gordon and Willie Miller to compensate for the lack of TV coverage? Or have they been sold off to Radio Tahiti? (Edit... My final question related to the rights, not Radio Scotland's dynamic duo. I doubt if Radio Fray Bentos would bid for them...)

I can always head for the local pub and sit nursing one or two soda water and limes for a couple of hours...