HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows

So hard to earn a crust now.

I'm always waking up in the middle 0f the night with strangers wanking over me then foning 5 pals to tell them before I fone the police.

"Dont come running to me if you cant hijack a plane crashing it into the Pentagon while knocking over lampposts."

"Have you ever taken out your cock and shown it to the dinner lady?" That is amazing!!

Brilliant. What the f**k even is a boulevaldier anyway??

"Now son, to display ones genitalia in such a manner to compound, irrespective of class.. " Bet the dinner lady regretted bringing it up after a 20 minute Dickensian speech.

Christ, imagine a telling off from him, blethering away using words nobody knows anymore, it would put you to sleep. Only his outrageous socks and halfmasts would keep you focused!

What Archie? That explains how he talks and writes!!

Mind when Only an Excuse was still half decent there was an Archie scetch of him just listing players names, something like "Ryan Christie, reminiscent of a young Neil Lennon, Lennon, reminiscent of a young....etc etc" every 5 or six sketches they'd cut back and hes sitting there older, longer white hair and eyebrows, halfmasts higher and higher, listing all these random names I imagine the auld tit sitting in bed reading this to his wife in his Deputy Headmasters voice and her just thinking "for the love of f**k, here we go again"

**Insert Kenneth Williams gif here** One of the more obscure sexual fetishes right enough.

Thought so.

Is that Inverness?

The Last OF ****

You're on a roll with these puns

Weigh me used to be an answer to a threat in Inverness when I was in school, as in "your getting battered" -"am I? Oh fucking weigh me" Cigarettes were also known as Bretts or Roos for some reason.

No online Factions? What the actual f**k? I've been dreaming about new Factions for years, gutted.

Oh my fucking days!

Pal has put up an ambiant synth ep hes done on Spotify (did I do that right, did I sound cool? shakes head, exhales deeply) , it's good, anyway.... Forwarded it to another friend and finished text with " just thought you might get a kick out of it" One minute later hes sent a pic of the Orgazoid on his deck chair with " take five man, have a swim" Got me thinking that my age and peer group, we go heavy on the film and tv quotes. Reckon if you got about 5 or 6 of us together for a full day, we could speak probably about 80 percent in Partridge, Peep, Reeves+Mortimer, Office, Curb etc, prob more when firing in lines from songs. I fucking love it but the amount of times someone will say something and I just cant help replying in a quote from Spaced, Brass Eye, Thick Of It etc, sometimes it feels like a curse. Sometimes I feel like taking it back, taking them all back. Anybody else suffer this infliction?

Telling pals about this and mentioned the picture of the shirts hed set up in changing room to read 1, 6, 9, 0 or some other daft fucking *** number but cant find the pic cause in a wee bit shit at the internet and lazy as f**k. If any c**t with a bit of energy and a hatred for the orcs could pop it up I'd be greatfull, thanks

Shes about 12 ffs man

Tanqueray 10 is a truly tremendous Gin. Did you sip the Tanqueray, and was your mind on your money and your mouth in the Gan-jay?

Any footage please!! Had to cut lights at end of each track then back in when he talked

Would really appreciate any footage of Madness Inverness. Anything with suggs, preferably in the spot light. Scam filmed a wee bit for personal improvement, poor as f**k, in, out, bright, dull, lost. You fucking think these concerts, Kaisers, N Gallagher, Bella,, procksimers, and my total fucking favourite Be Charlotte, and Your man Capaldi, its all like behind the curtain wizard of oz type shit, held together with zip ties and duct tape and fucking illuminated by a total fucking shit muncher like me!

Does anyone know if your man from St Mirren has moved season ticket holders or fixed the online ticketing service or said any lies about Oran at all? Sure we would have heard something by now?

I've been doing a wee bit of event stuff on the side this year, stage set up, crew work etc. Rolled up friday get told I'm on the spotlight that night, never touched one in my life! Up the tower with a 25 grand torch, instructions were to follow Suggs! It was utterly surreal following, or trying to, him as he sang shit that id grown up hearing! So hard not to nod and move and look at the crowd as they were all bouncing!! Its something I'm not going to forget!!