BFTD

You get used to it. They're surprisingly good as teddy bears. Make the most of it, as you'll miss these days when they're too embarrassed to be seen with you in public

I know they're supposed to push back when you take them near the edge, but a wee bit cruel, don't you think?

Fairly standard behaviour from someone in a promoted position IMO. Bury him under the floorboards and put it behind you.

Yes, but not for years. It did nothing for me. Getting myself a decent exercise bike for Christmas, however, but that's purely in an attempt to stave off the inevitable heart attack. I don't expect it to do anything else. I had a pretty healthy diet until a couple of years ago; the only difference I've noticed since giving up is in the waistline. YMMV, of course. I dunno how you'd get through life without incorporating elements of meditation TBH. There'd be a lot more murders, surely.

Jesus, you could just have said 'no' to the whole MILF question

Worth pointing out that the accepter of the parcel is legally responsible for its delivery to the owner. A local business took in a parcel (brand new laptop) for me from a courier firm once. When I went to pick it up, someone from their head office had been over to pick up internal mail, and had taken it with them. When I called to ask to have it returned, the answer I basically got was, "we've no seen yer feckin' laptop, get lost!" ...and how did you know it was a laptop, madam?

The number of times I've seen bus drivers treated like shite dwarfs that of the reverse TBF. It's probably one of those jobs with a high burn-out rate. Similar to delivery drivers losing their nut and attempting to impale auld yins with metal poles

On the other hand, it's only been a few days since Saturday

Sorry Throbs, only just noticed this cry for help - is the wife keeping you locked in the cupboard again? Give us your address and we'll be round with the removal van call the polis for you.

How did it go, Mozling?

Don't think we're the kind of folk your mum would want tweeting about her show TBH.

^^^ I whack off to The Human Centipede Dreadful ideas thread for this pish

Didn't sleep at all last. Eve the small sentences are not of the making. Roll over bedtime.

Grotesque - a young couple are kidnapped by a mysterious doctor, who subjects them to torture in order to satisfy his perverted desire for excitement. I think this ended up on my watch list because it was the last film to be flat-out refused a certificate in the UK; no resubmission with cuts, no possibility of compromise, do not pass Go, do not collect £200. Naturally, that's the kind of thing that grabs the attention of tragic figures like myself, but it's actually fairly meaningless. There are hundreds of films that wouldn't be allowed a UK release for various reasons - the only reason those films haven't been refused a certificate is that nobody was stupid enough to bother submitting them to the BBFC for release in the first place. So, Grotesque holds the current record for having the daftest rights holders in the UK. Bravo. The thematic reason for refusal is pretty clearly sexual humiliation, although the relentless wallowing in senseless misery would no doubt tick the old 'deprave and corrupt' box on its own. Grotesque is part of that peculiarly Japanese subgenre that can accurately be called 'torture porn'; films in which there is no real plot, you're just there to see people being tortured in as realistic a fashion as possible. No doubt there's a fair amount of artistry goes into the special effects, but you see one of these things and you've seen them all. And probably wish you hadn't bothered in the first place.

I'm not in the target audience, but it's never stopped me enjoying a good romantic period drama. Wait...sorry, I'm getting mixed up with lesbian porn. It's a fair point, carry on.

What the feck was going on with the font size yesterday? All over the place on some of my posts and, it appears, some others too

The older I get, the more fashionable I become, apparently

Megafault The usual TV movie balls from The Asylum, with poor acting and CG galore. This one was obviously made to cash in on the publicity from 2012, and is naturally about giant earthquakes destroying America. It's about what you'd expect; not quite as bad as their early efforts, but still nothing like a 'proper' movie. The most notable part is the star, Brittany Murphy. This was one of her last jobs, and she looks ill throughout. The degree of sickliness fluctuates over the course of the running time, and there's clearly been some dreadfully hamfisted attempts to cover it up with poor make-up. She seems a touch 'off' in her performance too. Considering how things turned out for the girl, it makes for a disquieting experience

Absolutely. Second-hand vinyl shops were an absolute godsend in those days. Also used to frequent a dodgy wee shop set up by a guy who'd managed to buy up loads of caseless CDs from places like Our Price and Virgin. Presumably it was all stock that people had nicked the case for, leaving the shops with only the disc. Thousands of discs in card sleeves randomly piled high, all for 99p each. Practically spent the entirety of every Saturday rooting through everything they had. Great atmosphere too; people would yell out albums they were looking for, and everyone would reply if they found it. Sorry, but I really fucking loved that shop!

Never been so annoyed at having run out of greenies. Ginger ale everywhere, poor dug's saturated

I just wrote a wee paragraph about the Red Dawn remake. The wireless connection on this piece of shit elderly netbook died before I clicked 'Post', so my prose is lost to the ether Suffice to say that it was shit, and so was the film. And this fucking computer

Honestly don't think I've ever had one but, frankly, I don't think I've ever wanted anything more

That image made me laugh far more than it should have. Naturally, I wear my panties on my head, like any normal person. I may have been a tad paranoid about people knowing they were inside out. After all, I was wearing my hat today. Good lad. Had you not done so, I wouldn't of awarded you a greenie