Funky Nosejob

The Aldi stuff is so fizzy, you’d have to plant half a forest to offset your carbon dioxide consumption.

Was watching her attempts to load the dishwasher this morning, knowing full well that I’d have to do it properly later on, when a childhood memory from my Dad’s Tom Lehrer albums came to mind.

“I think our priorities for today are...”

The units we have are sealed 10 year battery units, each one with its own pre-installed RF module forming their own RF network. https://www.eielectronics.ie/products/fire/battery-powered/ei650irf-optical-smoke-alarm/ https://www.eielectronics.ie/products/fire/battery-powered/ei603rf-heat-alarm/ No wiring, no hub, no requirement for changes to fuse boxes.

It’s moving from Tier 2 to Tier 3 restrictions. Gyms to stay open, but fitness classes cancelled. Or, even better, it’s been thrown out of orbit and is now hurtling uncontrollably through the galaxy in a “Space: 1999” stylee.

The now ubiquitous Farrow & Ball paint colour "Elephant's Breath" was discovered when a developer's five year old daughter squashed up a brand new packet of plasticine. The daughter's name? Ellie Funtsbreth!

They have a sealed in, long life battery. When the battery dies you replace the unit. We’re already fully compliant, but had to relocate the one fitted in our hall as it was set off every time someone opened the bathroom door after a shower.

People who simultaneously go unconscious due to an explosion or car crash will regain consciousness within seconds of each other.

With Funky junior having really enjoyed the first episode, there was much confusion when our series record of “The Chop” on Sky History was replaced by “Forged in Fire”. There’s a really good reason... Possibly racist tattoos.

This will leave a terrible stain on his character... As well as his computer chair. ©Mrs. Nosejob

Could be. Perhaps my political leanings mean I perceive it as an implied suggestion that their objections to the Westminster protocols are simply politically motivated.

Pointed out to me by Mrs. Nosejob and now I notice it every time on BBC News... “The Labour Welsh Government”, “The Labour Manchester Mayor”, “The SNP Scottish Government/First Minister” BUT.. “The Prime Minister/Chancellor of the Exchequer/Government” Party identifiers only used when it’s not Conservative. Has this been going on for a while?

I had killed Paul McCartney and hidden the body in the woods. The killing was accidental and nobody knew except me. Others were aware he was missing but I knew that if I kept quiet I’d get away with it. As the dream progressed I was getting more and more anxious. I’ve had very similar dreams many times before, but this was the first time that it was someone famous I’d killed. Normally it’s a random stranger. Double check I’m posting in the correct thread and... Submit.

I can recommend the Pathetic Motorways website for an hour's worth of entertainment if you're interested in the Scottish motorway system, or an afternoon's worth if you take in the whole UK. Some of it is out of date following the M74 extension into Glasgow and completion of the M8 missing link. It doesn't cover either the Abercrombie or Buchanan plans to drive motorways right through the centre of Edinburgh, a fate that Glasgow sadly failed to avoid.

Flies and bluebottles die, everything else lives. If I killed a wasp, I’d be worrying that an Alsatian would go hungry.

Because the King ston(ed) them? No, that's rubbish! Go on, then... We don't know. Why are there no squirrels in Hull?

Not if there's anyone with moving eyebrows.

Those darn, invasive greys again!

I got locked into a staring match with a black squirrel in Stanley Park, Vancouver in August 2002. Neither of us were willing to back down and if it hadn’t been for a jogger breaking our line of sight, we’d both probably still be there today.

There is an unclaimed 10,000 Guineas prize, offered to the first person to present two identical Tunnock’s Caramel Logs or Snowballs at their factory in Uddingston. Neither Caramel Wafers nor Tea Cakes count.

Enjoyed the first episode proper of “Brave New Planet” yesterday, discussing how society should deal with synthetic media and deep fake videos. Here’s their blurb...

Not sure it's the best sandwich ever but cheese and jam is indeed sensational. Not quite the best ever. That would be cheese and golden syrup.

I just pray that they've copied and pasted the appropriate text to prevent Facebook owning all their photographs and to stop Facebook charging them to use it.

I prefer to refer to it as “choosing my battles”. It makes the “No”, when it is fully merited and does come, much more effective.

I deactivated my Facebook account a few months back and don’t regret it. Unfollowing friends or family simply leads to awkward “Didn’t you see my post?” moments and it’s alarming that people with over 800 “friends”, who you haven’t spoken to in over a decade, will notice and be offended by you dropping them.