Fullerene

That anyone joining the Navy is a twat and the Air Force is full of pansies. Inter-service rivalry being what it is. .. or maybe his application to become a monk.

Chocolate as it use to be

In much the same way that UKIP ceased to exist once the UK voted to leave the EU. After independence, the SNP would continue to exist to ensure that it was not some watered down semi-independence. Can you name any country that gained independence where the leader of the ruling party then said: "Job done. My opponents can run the country now - I am away fishing."

Highly advanced computer games

Yeah. Tell us if it has improved.

I wonder if she was able to say it with a straight face. That is the beauty of radio.

What do you mean anti-American? This is useful information for any airport!

.. and the reason for your visit is to rid the world of anyone that says "awesome"

.. and if they get really concerned about your passport - just say it's not yours.

That's a relief. I only eat 950 slices of toast per day - so I guess I should be okay. Can't say the same for my toaster though.

Dundonians are native to Cardiff. 2 points.

Does that mean they hadn't noticed Iran before?

I suppose the ban is almost understandable. Heaven forbid that some nutcase with a gun should ever make it into America.

Let the state visit go ahead but ban Melania just to make a point. (Something about Slovenia should work here).

Not air traffic control - I hope.

One time I was in Leicester Square in the days before mobile phones. I went to use one of the public phones and there was a long queue for the one on the right. I decided to try the one on the left. Not only did it work but it gave me all my money back. After that, I informed the people in the queue but they obviously concluded that I was a nutcase and there was no way they were going to lose their place in the queue. Some people just love queues.

Say "Hey this one is giving out double what I asked for" Then while they all switch to that one, you quickly use the one that works! Then run.

Travelling north on that line, the next stop is Culrean, which is about 6 minutes away so "the next stop is Culrean" works just fine. However, the one after that is Invershin, which is only 1 minute away so the announcement is "the next stop is - oh f*** it" because the train has already past it by then! Kind of makes the journey I would say.

Actually, if you really must know, stories about a big naval base in Des Moines are also a myth.

These are people who struggle with arithmetic. Q. How much money do I have in my account? A. £120. Take out £20 Q. How much money do I have in my account now? A. £100. .. either that or the person standing behind them looks a bit shady!

Why does the cash machine encourage me to take an advice slip? As in "Take an advice slip and you might win two tickets to a football match" Also, why is it called an advice slip? If it said "Spend this money wisely" - that would be advice. I probably won't but it would still be advice. OR if it said "£20 on Lucky Dan to win" that would be advice too. Instead the advice it gives "You have taken money out on this date" - i.e. today - Yes, I know. "Your balance was this amount. You withdrew £20. Now your balance is this amount. (i.e. previous amount minus £20)" Oh, thank you - saves me having to carry a calculator.

I remember one time when it was Gold members, Silver members, Bronze members, people with young children, people who needed extra time to board, ex-members of the military, current members of the military and anybody with a Blue Peter badge. Basically, that was everybody but me. I had left my badge at home.

To annoy Elton John

I am not sure what I would do in Houston for 3 nights. I went to San Antonio last year (3 hours driving west of Houston). It is home to the Alamo, which is located downtown. It has a river - or ox-bow lake - in the middle - which has hotels, pubs and restaurants on either side. I thought I was the most attractive part of San Antonio.

Sounds good. Houston to New Orleans is about 6 hours. Similar to Inverness to Manchester but maybe not so scenic (although it is dual highway the whole way). It will be colder in February than you might expect. It is easy to think the Deep South is warm all year around - it is not (although it will be warmer than further north). Avery Island - where they make Tabasco sauce - is on Highway 90 out of New Orleans heading west. Small detour to get there.