Kmeister

Fck that for a game of Soldiers

Heights. I once took my daughters to the Ratho Climbing Centre for a go on the aerial obstacle course. It starts off with a zip slide and then you start walking across logs and the likes about 200 feet up. I managed the zip slide, got two or three steps on to the first log, looked down and that was that. I gingerly took a couple of steps back to solid ground and refused to go any further. Someone had to come and remove the harness from me and I made my way back to ground level. Meanwhile my daughters, age 11 and 8 completed the course and took great delight in my abject failure. Even now, 12 or 13 years later they take great pleasure in reminding me of this particular failure.

When he did his summing up rather than tear a pretty flimsy prosecution case to tatters he rambled on about 12 Angry Men and Henry Fonda. And what was with the script that he carried his laptop over to the stand when he went to question a witness. Him getting telt by the English Teacher was superb.

Iain Duncan Smith

I have just become a Grandfather for the second time.

Always better to see this photo in it's full glory.

Sorry for being pedantic but the nights are actually getting shorter. It happens every year about this time.

I was at Tynecastle last night and someone was waving a huge yellow and white vertical striped flag with "The Popes XI" written on it. The missing apostrophe annoyed me much more than it should.

The sun setting over the Pacific Ocean in Mexico. No fancy camera, just a Samsung Galaxy phone.

It's a hard life being a cat.

Una Stubbs only has sex in the missionary position and does not indulge in any sexual deviant acts.

Station to Station but probably 10 minutes late. David Bowie

Station to Station but probably 10 minutes late. David Bowie

I have just had a conversation with a Cardiff City supporter who is delighted that Colin has left Cardiff City. He described him as a footballing dinosaur who just had the centre back punting the ball up to a "Target" man and no one in the team had any idea what they were meant to be doing. Remind you of anyone?

The Ford Motor Company has a side business in "top shelf" magazines, which is why they manufactured the Ford Escort and Ford Fiesta in an attempt st subliminal advertising. The Ford Reader's Wives was withdrawn as it was decided that any potential purchaser would automatically be unable to parallel park.

A deer jumped out in front of me whilst I was driving down the A1. A score draw as both the deer and car were written off.

Wear Jeans that have turn-ups, often accompanied by brown shoes.

And should they sign him, which they won't, then 30% of the fee goes to their bestest Chums. Nice to see the Tribute Act helping to help finance Celtic's domination of Scottish football.

I was walking along Gorgie road in the rain and got drookit.

Why do the traffic lights on railways have green at the top and red at the bottom?

Microsoft does not recognise outwith as it is outwith its lexicon. The Cnts.

People who buy and then wear half and half scarves.

The film Debbie does Dallas is about a lead singer of a New York punk band and her sexploits with a well known Scottish referee.

Males with a ring on their thumb.

This is Ziggy the Cat doing his impersonation of a poisonous, vile, scheming prck.