IainMorton

Can’t believe it. 364 days till Christmas and the c**t next door already has his decorations up!

Just opened a Christmas card and a Yorkshire pudding fell out. I love my aunt Bessie.

Disappointed @throbber hasn’t contributed to this thread yet. Can imagine he’s got some cracking stories to tell.

That’s why everyone who I buy a present for, receives it in a Christmas bag

Just had the police at my door to tell me my two dogs have been chasing people on bikes. What a load of shite, my dogs don’t have bikes.

Cartsdyke (Scots: Cairstdyke, Scottish Gaelic: Gàradh Cairte),[1] formerly known as Crawfurdsdyke, is a suburb of the town of Greenock, Scotland. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartsdyke Next

Did this happen during the World Cup? I also sometimes have a dream where I appear to be walking down the street, but I am actually gliding about a foot above the pavement. f**k knows what that means (apart from the fact I’m a weirdo)

Been wanting to play the guitar ever since I was a boy and I think ive decided to finally teach myself how to do it as I need something to do as life is pretty boring for me right now (no Morton comments please, thanks!). Does anyone have any tips? Bear in mind I have never played a guitar apart from strumming some chords when I was in school so I will be a complete beginner. Was looking on amazon and you can get a decent starter pack (guitar/amp and some other bits) for less than a hundred quid which seems decent to start off with. Looking to take things at my own pace and I don’t expect to be playing Master Of Puppets in a couple of weeks

A cheeky massive points deduction would be even better

https://www.greenocktelegraph.co.uk/news/17308475.morton-win-ray-mckinnon-case-as-falkirk-fc-found-guilty-by-spfl/

Insert McKinnon “raging” GIF here

Opening a packet of crisps upside down.

Man takes his cross eyed Rottweiler to the vet, who picks it up to have a proper look. Vet - I’m really sorry sir, but I’m going to have to put him down Man - why, because he’s cross eyed? Vet - no, cos he’s fucking heavy

Told my butcher I would bet him £100 if he could reach the sirloins he keeps on the top shelf. He said he wasn’t taking the risk as the steaks were too high.

Are we taking bets on what the topics will be? Stevie G? Brexit? Rangers getting pumped out of Europe? Hearts/Killie “title challenge”?

Every Celtic player yesterday?

Good to see Hearts being dollied by Menga again

When you get a notification from Just Eat to say your food is en route, 20 minutes after you have finished eating the food you ordered.

A better view. Second one would be a belter with a yellow trim.

When you are getting on with your day and generally having a good time, then your brain decides to remember some random shit you did 20 years ago which leaves you depressed for the rest of the day.

It’s gonna be the pink one, isn’t it?

At least the pies will be ready for the next game

My place is the same. Very minimal. A couple of pictures on the wall and on the coffee table where the old fire place used to be. I don’t have any fancy ornaments as I live on my own and nobody else sees it. I dread the time I ask a girl (if I ever get the chance) to move in with me as it will look different within a couple of months.

Alexa, green dot the above post for me. Thanks.