GordonD

The type of people who shop in Aldi don't cast reflections...

Never mind the rolls, just spare a thought for them anyway.

But avoid the sequels like the plague.

The Big Country - on TV at the weekend. I'm not a huge Western fan but enjoyed this. Gregory Peck as the lead, showing you don't have to go around shooting things all the time. Speaking of which, Charlton Heston in a supporting role for once. And a truly memorable soundtrack.

Apparently they saw it but just assumed the Luftwaffe had bombed it into oblivion.

Surprised Celtic didn't stick them in the car park and call them 'restricted view'...

If you can't get things out of the toaster then presumably putting them in like this is way beyond you...

Also from The Chase: "Dundonians are natives of which Scottish city?" "Cardiff?"

"GET BACK INSIDE! WE'LL OPEN THE GATES AT THE END OF THE MATCH!"

That one in the middle...

No, they've always been plain white.

This was many years ago, but a friend of my dad's was a coach driver and told us once that they had stopped at a pub for lunch. He saw somebody order a pint of lager, topped off with tomato juice.

Nah, he's a priest.

Rogue One. Really enjoyed it but then I'm a nerd.

Presumably she has as well - which is why you got a knock-back.

Jimmy and Jack were twins, but they weren't identical - far from it. They looked like the before and after photos in those old body-building adverts. Jimmy was a skinny thing, while Jack was well-built and muscular. As a result, Jack seemed to attract women without making an effort - everywhere he went they would cluster round him, while poor Jimmy struggled and even when women approached him - usually because he was standing next to Jack - he found it difficult to talk to them. However the two were the best of friends and Jack always did his best to help Jimmy out, though it was rarely successful. One day the two planned to go to the beach. Jack knew that as soon as he stepped onto the sands, wearing his swimming trunks, the women would come flocking and hopefully Jimmy would benefit from the overflow, so to speak. Unfortunately as they were about to set off something cropped up and Jack found he had some business to take care of first. He said to Jimmy, "You go on ahead and I'll meet you there. But in the meantime we need to do something to give you an advantage. That skinny body is what's holding you back. We can't give you muscles but we can make you look a bit more of a stud - get a potato and pop it down your swimming trunks and you'll look a bit more macho." Jimmy set off and Jack took care of his business, then headed for the beach to find his brother. It didn't take long: though the beach was crowded there was a large circular gap at one point, as if people were trying to keep away from some unpleasant object. Right at the centre sat Jimmy, looking miserable. He got to his feet as Jack approached. "This is all your fault," he said. "I did what you told me - I got a potato and stuck it down my swimming trunks, but as soon as I came out of the changing rooms people started screaming and running away. You said it would attract the girls but nobody will come within twenty yards of me!" "I'm not surprised," said Jack. "You were supposed to put the potato down the front of your trunks!"

I have no idea! It was thirty years ago!

No, they knew it was us. IIRC the piece was ridiculing the Government's continued attempt to suppress the book when it was available in so many places, from <something> to being read aloud on the Meadowbank Thistle Brake Club bus. We actually didn't read that much, because it was boring as hell - it was just for the principle of the thing. BTW that book cover is definitely influenced by René Magritte...

This needs putting into context. On one Brake Club trip we took it in turns to read aloud from the book Spycatcher, which Thatcher had banned from being sold in England - though it was available in Scotland and everywhere else in the world. The Scotsman Diary got wind of this and we got a mention - this cartoon was our view of the Official Supporters' Club response.

It's the way they compensate themselves for Glasgow not being the Capital.

Can't help thinking Officer Karen's day would go so much smoother if she just gave Bobby a quick hand job and sent him on his way...

It's an Old Form cup final and to get the best of both worlds the SFA invite the Pope and the Queen to attend. As they're waiting for the game to start, the Pope turns to the Queen and says, "Watch this - I can get half of the crowd to cheer!" And he stands up and blesses the Celtic end, which naturally goes nuts. The Queen says, "That's nothing. I can get the other half to cheer even louder!" And she stands up and head-butts the Pope.

Labelled "His" and "Hers".

In other news, the Pope has been found to be a Catholic.

You're right - I've just looked him up on Wikipedia. And the name is by Half Man Half Biscuit! It's not a song title in itself, but a line from Dickie Davies's Eyes.