GordonD

Now there's a misleading headline if ever I saw one... Meadowbank Thistle's New Year's Day match was usually Berwick away. Couldn't play at home as the Stadium was in use for the Skol Sprint. I think we played Cowdenbeath a couple of times, presumably when Berwick were in a different division. I remember one New Year match at Berwick when it was still legal to bring alcohol into the ground, when somebody handed me a can of lager which unknown to me they had been shaking for about fifteen minutes. I swear when I opened it the spray cleared the front three rows of the stand and the track beside the pitch and just failed to reach the touchline. A young copper walking past nearly pissed himself laughing.

From the title alone it sounds like a film you'd only enjoy if you were pished. Like an actual office Christmas party.

Toddler hacked in and changed all his passwords.

TBF for some people 2 weeks worth of clothes fit in a small carrier bag.

Fools the sniffer dogs. Apparently.

I liked this one. Edinburgh City Council are a bunch of humourless b*****ds. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-38369928

So what's that board for? Trawler bingo? Or is it like the blackboards in old World War Two films where they mark off the bombers as they return safely?

No mates with cars available at the time. And they wouldn't agree to deliver until I'd paid up front.

I was once royally ripped off by a delivery company. My parcel was due to arrive on a Tuesday but I was going to be at work so I arranged for my neighbour to take it in. Got home from work, no parcel. When I checked on line it turned out the van driver had clocked off at two in the afternoon and hadn't had time to get to me. The company offered delivery the following day but my neighbour was going out so couldn't do that. I decided to collect it myself at the weekend. I knew the company was somewhere in West Lothian but their website didn't give the exact address so I had to phone them. The girl said they didn't publicise their address "for security reasons" but once I had given her the parcel details she told me where to pick it up. All fine - until I looked on Google Maps and found the depot was miles from anywhere. I don't drive so would have had to shell out a fortune for a taxi. I phoned them again and the only way I was going to get my parcel was to pay extra for a Saturday delivery. I pointed out that it was their fault the thing hadn't been delivered on the Tuesday as they had promised but got nowhere. So in the end I had to shell out a tenner (paid in advance by Visa) to get my parcel delivered. b*****ds.

When I started reading this topic it seemed as if it was just a crazy idea that somebody had come up with when they were pissed. Now it's looking as if it's almost a done deal. How exactly was this pitched? "Let's put a couple of Colts teams in League 2. Say, just of the top of my head, Celtic and Rangers." Why are those two getting this benefit? No, forget it, stupid question. I should be asking, "How can the SPFL justify picking those two without admitting they don't give a toss about anybody else?"

^^^ Facts you Made Up thread for this pish.

ooh, touchy!

No need to muck about by adding teams to the league. Just give the Old Firm a two-goal start in every game. It'll have the same effect in the end.

After the Dunblane shootings the press were looking for a "violent videos cause violence" angle so went to the local video library hoping to find that the killer rented all the extreme horror films so they could splash it on the front pages with scaremonger headlines and a call for a ban. They were told that yes, the guy was a regular customer, and he usually rented Disney films. For some reason the call for a ban never materialised.

^^^^^^^ Banned but pretending it's his own decision

What you do is order your own drink first, then drink it while the barman is pouring the rest of the round, then order another one for yourself at the end and bring it back to the table with the rest.

It's the same at supermarket checkouts. It tends to go like this. Cashier tells the woman what the cost of her shopping is. The woman then goes through the following procedure: 1 Open handbag, search for purse. 2 Take out purse, close handbag 3 Open purse, take out money 4 Close purse, open handbag, put purse in handbag 5 Close handbag, give money to cashier 6 Get change from cashier, open handbag, search for purse she put in there five seconds ago 7 Take out purse, close handbag 8 Open purse, put change in 9 Close purse, open handbag, put purse in

A guy about to make his first parachute jump is surprised to see a blind man climbing into the plane. He sits down next to him and says, "Listen, I don't want to poke my nose in, but you're not going to be jumping, are you?" "As a matter of fact, I am," says the blind man. "I've made about a dozen jumps in the past." The man says, "Well, that's great, but... how do you know when you're about to land, so you can prepare yourself?" "It's easy," says the blind man. "I just wait until the dog's lead goes slack."

Simon and Garfunkel - Homeward Bound (Live in Central Park 1981)

Rangers' claims about the behaviour of the Hibs supporters are looking even more dodgy as their chief witness has now recanted:

A dyslexic guy rented one of those - was disappointed as he was looking forward to some girl-on-girl action.

No doubt with police protection too. If he really wants to sample what it's like to sleep rough then he should go to the churchyard at the foot of Lothian Road and risk being attacked.

Arlo Guthrie - Alice's Restaurant (just a cafe with delusions of grandeur)

It's a repeat, the one with the flashback to the 1970s when they all met for the first time.