Victor von Doom

Get him to do the Challenge Cup draw tomorrow. That might cheer him up.

Rockers, please!

You are mental mate. Aye. I shared a ward with Neil Lennon, Vlad Romanov, Roger Mitchell & the Rt. Hon. John Reid in Rosslynlee for a wee while.

Christ! Take a look at this thread. I post some trolling scheidt on here, but f**k me! Bad result. New defenders not settling in yet. Scheidt happens. Not the end of the world. Nothing to do with McGregor. The Darkside will qualify for the Europa League. They'll still finish 8-10 points above us in the Premiership. The Lurgan Bigot is a manager of perfectly adequate standard for either them or us. (Not that the **** will be coming to us.) Nothing to see here. Move along now. Griffiths -2.5 goals v. the Pars at the weekend might be worth a bet.

Whitlock 1/3 v. Damon Heta. Cross 8/13 v. Gurney. Interesting darts, but I've a fitba match to attend... though it won't be as perplexing as Footscray 21.11 (137), Essendon 1.8 (14) with 10 minutes to play. That's a bit like Man.Utd or Citeh losing 10-1 to Burnley.

Gurney wins 8-5 against Mighty Mike. 8/12 on checkouts, compared to 5/16 MvG. Averages 98.03 for MvG, 95.53 for Superchin.

Cross puts Barney away 8-4, despite averaging a point lower and having only a marginally superior check-out percentage.

Squeaky bum time there. Heta 7-4 up; Anderson comfortable hold; Heta failed to hold with three match-darts to check-out on 32, so Anderson back to 6-7; Anderson missed three at tops to take it to a deciding leg and Heta stepped in for an 8-6 win at 8/1. Heta averaged 92 and 8/23 finishing; Anderson averaged 91 but only 6/30 for doubles. Jetlag could be a terrible thing when I used to live in Sydney in my youth, never mind at Gary Anderson's age.

Racing Post picks, with Mark Walker doing the column: 2pts Dundee @ 21/20; 1pt Edinburgh @ 17/20; 1pt Elgin @ 13/5. Walker also does the live game preview, recommending Celtic to win and under 3.5 goals @ 11/10 with Coral, which seems a generous price. Cove are the only Scottish team amongst Figaro's weekend tips in the Racing & Football Outlook. Andy West does the 'Well/Celts game and recommends Celtic to win by exacty 1 goal.

Strewth! 8-0. Averaged 101. Hit 8 out of 9 darts at doubles. Big Kyle didn't get a dart at a double in the whole match.

The Wizard averaging 100 and 5-0 up. Big Kyle averaging 78 and is 33/1.

I see you've moderated your iconoclastic and treasonous tone since taking the name of Stanton in vain last night. I mind seeing an interview with whoever was first-in-line for a claim to being head of the House of Stuart thirty-odd years ago. If you'd stuck a black wig on the man and put him next to a portrait of Charles II, you'd've sworn it was the same person. I'm sure there are folk in France, Italy or Spain who have a claim and would be interested in the vacancy. I mean, at least one of LeGuen, Sauzee, Landi, Bonetti, Calderon didnae do toooo badly when put in charge of important things in Scotland and Joe Dolce may yet win things at Killie.

Big Kyle and Whitlock about to toe the oche. 9/10 the pair. Heta 8/1 v. the alleged Hibs fan. Cross 2/7, Barney 3/1. 11/4 Superchin might be value against 3/10 MvG in the last match

Gone for a £20 treble: Pars, Loons, Embra. Added a "mug acca" for £10: Pars, Bairns, Loons, Raith, Cove Embra, H**s, Sheep.

OK then. I just think it's interesting to see what he puts up. He's the only guy who's being paid to tip on Scottish football and whose selections are in the public domain.... and he does make a profit over the season. He isn't Stuart Carruthers though.

Mark Walker puts up 3 picks in today's Racing Post. Bigs up Kane Hemmings in the accompanying write up. Goes 2pts Dundee @ 21/20. 1pt each Edinburgh @ 17/20 and Elgin @ 13/5.

Global warming needs tackling, right enough.

Under a proper Tory government, both blasphemy and treason would be hanging offences. Likely get 30 minutes of community service for them in the People's Republic of Leith nowadays

Attention span of a pedestrian using the phone while crossing an A-road. You'd use what exactly to analyse the effectiveness of a player?

https://www.modernfitba.com/blogs/2019/7/3/goalkeepers-season-review-part-1-shot-stopping https://www.modernfitba.com/blogs/2019/7/9/goalkeepers-season-review-part-2-aerial-command https://www.modernfitba.com/blogs/2019/7/18/goalkeepers-season-review-part-3-distribution https://www.modernfitba.com/blogs/2019/6/22/goals-saved-above-average-a-look-at-the-best-amp-worst-goalkeepers-in-the-scottish-premiership

I can't see why a second referendum is necessary. A motion in Westminster should do it. "This House believes that the self-righteous, whingeing, deluded ingrates in Scotland should be cut adrift from the United Kingdom forthwith and that all UK citizens of Scottish ethnicity or heritage be stripped of their UK passports and their right to work in the UK with immediate effect." Boris could go for a three-line whip on that... maybe even wielded by a dominatrix in Nazi uniform. (The Nazi uniform could accompany the expelled Scots back over the border, as it would be ideal attire for the majority of Scottish nationalists.)

Wise decision to hold fire on Cadby. Averaged 87 and was horsed 6-1 by the alleged Hibs fan, who averaged 101. Heta and Kyle Anderson the two locals through. Heta averaged 86 but edged past Wade. Big Kyle also averaged 86 in edging Snakebite.

I have done. I did last week too, though I admit I posted them here via my phone before PM'ing them from home half an hour later.

... & While I'm about it, the only election candidate to ever get my vote who was not a member of the Labour Party was a former member who'd been expelled and was standing as an independent. (He did not join the Liberal Democrats) I am a huge admirer of Rodrigo Duterte's policies on junkies though. ... and please tell your manager, who waffles almost as well as I do, not to pick Slivka on Sunday. I doubt he'll have the brains to pick him, but you never know what people might ingest in Leith on a Saturday night.

A chara. With insight like that, you ought to be eating liver & fava beans, washed down with a nice Chianti. ... and I'm not middle class. My dad robbed banks, my mum was a waitress. I left school at 15 without a qualification to my name. I've been in more cells, in more big hooses, than anyone on this thread (I hope) and I'm up again next month... and I don't live in Ireland. Tiocfaidh ar la.