Curmudgeon

The email attachment actually says to take excessive care when shouting, singing or celebrating. Excessive care? Therefore in the event of a goal I may cordon off my section of the terracing with tape and a few cones to allow me space to safely construct a sealable perspex box which I can enter. I'll then allow myself a small cheer and some applause to celebrate the occasion. After which I'll dismantle the box, and clear up the tape and cones safe in the knowledge that we're unlikely to score two goals in the one game.

10am approaching and everyone poised to get in there first.

The Lotus Enema, for cleaner emissions.

Good luck to my fellow diddy leaguers for the rest of the tournament@Loki @eindhovendee @Aim Here I've got a feeling my cup run is going to come to an abrupt halt. Good luck to @Trogdoras well, because of outright tribalism.

No offence intended. It's unfortunate that you didn't take on those cattle while you had access to military hardware. You could've really upped your productivity that morning.

Bh3? Although I'm quite happy for you to tell me why doing that would be completely idiotic.

I think it was NBB who, when in charge of the cows at an abattoir, spent all morning bashing one off after another.

We always knew this would turn into a crowdwank, but I didn't think it would be on a literal basis. Fair play.

The queen and rook lined up the diagonal was just too tempting. I could see the danger with the rook sac, but I didn't factor in the second rook following it up. The voice inside my head was going: It's a trap; don't do it; it's clearly a trap; you know it's a trap, right? But like a moth to the flame there was a part of me that wanted to see how it would unfold. It might as well have been a big red button with a sign saying "something bad will happen if you press this".

In division B, GCarlos9 defeats Board_stupid by checkmate. Nicely brought about by a rook sacrifice, I can't have any complaints about the result. This also means that @Loki is confirmed as the Division B champion and well done to him, it's thoroughly deserved. For the rest of us also-rans it we now wait to see if eindhovendee can take anything off him in the final game.

Division B, Board_stupid defeats @Cardinal Richelieu by checkmate. It was all very tentative until an opportunity for a swift strike brought all the fun to an abrupt end.

Division B, Board_stupid defeats Hammysgettingpumped by resignation. Took a bishop early on, but despite that, the game was very competitive up until the end when the extra piece made the position untenable for hgp. GG @101

In the madwullie scottish cup Board_stupid defeats @NotTheParsby unashamed mugging. Although top marks for mind games when I got a notification of a move played seconds after McGregor scored.

Division B, Board_stupid defeats @arab_joe by resignation. Another tight game between us. Pinching a rook proved to be the difference with the other pieces subsequently traded off the board. Joe's pawn charge near the end nearly turned it round, but just came up slightly short.

Although the good news is that Sean McGinty romped home in the opening race by 5 lengths and the club is now considering putting all the season ticket money on him each way in September's Gold Cup.

My wife's friend married her cousin. They're no longer together but it still amazed me when I found out as I assumed it was illegal in Scotland. A former work colleague and his brother married a pair of sisters. I got great enjoyment from pointing out that he was his own brother-in-law or that he was uncle to his own kids etc.

In division B Board_stupid defeats Strachanovski by checkmate. I had the better of the opening which made it an uphill battle for @Bigmouth Strikes Again, although I needed to be wary of his aggressive counter attacks, managing to force mate.

I think it was Pat McGInley. It genuinely looked very worrying at the time. At the very least season or career ending, but everyone was more concerned about his immediate health. As you say he was stretchered off to an eerie atmosphere only to return like Lazarus a few minutes later to everyone's delight and astonishment. It appeared so miraculous that I wouldn't have been surprised if the medics had then proceeded to feed the whole crowd with 5 pies and 2 sausage rolls before turning the stock of kiora into wine.

I would describe it as an electronic box which displays moving images and plays sounds of events from other locations.

In the Championship division Board_stupid defeats @eindhovendee by checkmate. I got rather fortunate here. Despite feeling that I hadn't done much wrong the balance of play was slowly getting away from me until an unexpected blunder gifted me a rook, which tipped the balance. Very intense game, I'm away for a lie down.

Not having any tattoos I imagine it's painful to get them anywhere, but arse tattoos will generally be more painful on the whole.

Glen Michael's Car Bomb Cavalcade.

League B Board_stupid defeats @NotThePars by checkmate. The early queen capture helped to make it more comfortable for me than our first game.

In the cup Board_stupid defeats markf268 by resignation. Good game @true_rover