Ebanda's Handyman Services

Arrrgggghhhhhh!!!!

What a cracking wee lad.

How did you do it? I can't put any pressure on my right toes and I've no idea what I've done for it to be so sore. My wee girl grabbed my foot this morning and I involuntarily roared with the pain.

"Salutations old chap. My name is Byron S and I fully intend on giving you a jolly good lancinating."

Kilt, if I saw Jennifer Love Hewitt in the flesh I'd instantly think that I'd want her to wet my winkle, but I wouldn't actually tell her. See the point I'm making here?

Maybe take a think to yourself about why that word follows you around, no?

Is it not possible to give constructive criticism on a readily available written media like?! Your whole seedy, dare I say it, perverted internet persona is just for a laugh yet we are the sad fucks and the depth of humanity? Aye, ok then. I'd ban you in a second to try and save you some face as you don't half make a c**t of yourself.

I'm eternally grateful for my neebur Scotty. We've known each other practically all of our lives and have that almost psychic knowledge of what each other is thinking. He's my best man in November as a result. Kilt, can I ask you to try and gain some perspective of what you're posting. You are name dropping stupid fucking neds who probably couldn't/wouldn't fight unless they were tooled up and there was at least four or five of them available to jump in when they were getting a kicking for crying out loud.

I was standing downstairs when the Thistle players came off their bus. Every one of them walked straight past me but they all looked mental so I bottled out of asking them if they remembered their hair products. I couldn't shout my usual pish towards the ref today due to my voice just coming back too.

Coley moans now if we tease him that he's just going in his bed without a bath now and Isla chants "Bat, bat, bat" excitedely whenever she hears us mentioning the bath. They both sleep from 8pm until 8am without waking and we credit their bathtime routine for that.

I finish an hour later now to avoid that scenario.

I'm quite a good guy too Toma, one of those folk that will help you out however I can if you need help but if you keep that pent up anger inside, you'll end up like Jim Carreys cop from Me, Myself and Irene. If folk take the piss out of you then they're ripe for a piss-taking themselves.

I've just given away about 3 black bags worth of Islas clothes. No good to you right enough unless you wanted to raise a transvestite. It seems like only yesterday I had my wee boy, now he's borrowing my clothes to go to the nursery. Fucking huge so he is! It's cliched to bits but there isn't anything that will compare to fatherhood.

Congrats G_Man! All the best pal.

She's too big for it now, the wee bugger. She plays with her brothers toys now much to his annoyance. All I've heard since dropping Cole of at the nursery is Isla shouting on him. "Tole, Tole." It's incredibly cute.

I'm watching Alien V Predator Requiem. Does anyone else reckon that the Predator would be quite sound if you didn't point a firearm in his direction? The Aliens are total c***s though, they're merciless.

My wee lamb is a ging and she is absolutely stunning.

What a pussy. It's only a wee hangover!

Don't forget his banter. Best of luck G_Man, we love you really.

Sorry about that Dave. I'm sure you'll get a tiny bit of consolation thinking about the good life you gave the wee thing.

I take it you know? You would never imagine it to be who it is eh?!

Just be straight to the point with your wording G_Man. "HOW THE f**k IS THAT BAIRN BLACK?!"

That didn't get the credit it deserved.

I caught the last half hour of The Iron Giant yesterday morning and it refreshed my memory as to how fantastic a film it is. Probably my favourite animated movie ever. 9/10.