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I'd just like to say that I met a few P&B peeps for the 1st time tonight, and they were all brand new.

Special mentions to Pink Freud, The Belgian, Thundermonkey, Chrissy M, and the legend that is djchapsticks among others..

MattBairn - Legend.

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It's easy, ye just stand about for a while then say to them that yer still waiting on yer order and they ask what ye ordered and get ye it. I've done it a shitload of times.

That's exactly what he did, Kieran.. He picked up a receipt off the ground, and claimed it as his own, and said he was waiting on his order.

I'm still amazed that it worked though.

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I hate reading about other people having fun when I had to help a deaf old woman across the street put off her smoke alarm, which happened to not be the smoke alarm anyway but an old clock in her back room.

I think I'll go to fives next year.

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Guest The Phoenix

Whilst visiting Crieff yesterday, Mrs P "persuaded" me to take her to the Crieff Visitor Centre (in fairness a logical place to go whilst visiting Crieff).

Amongst the usual touristy trash for sale, there was a range of clothing.

I managed to resist the temptation to avail myself of a Loch Ness Monster T-shirt and a tartan bunnet but the allure of a frilly blouse was simply too much for a middle aged woman who looked like she'd fallen out of a Town & Country magazine.

Whilst admiring her excellent choice in apparel, the fun really started when she got to the tills.

Awaiting her there were three withered old battle-axes, who clearly ran "a tight ship". One was in charge of direct customer contact, a second took control of logging every sale in a notebook and the third folded and placed customer purchases in a carrier bag.

The Customer Contact Officer in Charge's top of her voice conversation was as follows...

To Sales Logger in Chief - "One ladies blouse. Cream. Size 20. £22.00"

To (clearly flustered) Customer - "That's £22.00. How would you like to pay?"

I may have been picking up the signals incorrectly but I sensed that the customer's desire to purchase had gone South, however she recognised that backing down now would be more embarrassing than completing the transaction and making as dignified exit as possible. To this end, she paid in cash and said nothing.

Back to CCO in C {who had by now passed the offending purchase to the Senior Bagging Lady to place in a carrier bag and then retrieved it into her possession (clearly she is the only one allowed to have customer contact)}...

"There we are now, Madam. Thanks for shopping with us today. I hope you enjoy wearing it."

Perhaps one of those "you had to be there" experiences but the customer's progression from mild discomfort to outright horror was a joy to behold.

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I hate reading about other people having fun when I had to help a deaf old woman across the street put off her smoke alarm, which happened to not be the smoke alarm anyway but an old clock in her back room.

I think I'll go to fives next year.

Did you ride her?

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I'd just like to say that I met a few P&B peeps for the 1st time tonight, and they were all brand new.

Special mentions to Pink Freud, The Belgian, Thundermonkey, Chrissy M, and the legend that is djchapsticks among others..

MattBairn - Legend.

I actually met you at the one 2 years ago but never really spoke to you :P

C. Muir managed to get himself a free Burger King meal after the pub tonight, and I am genuinely in shock at the fantastic stunt he managed to pull off.

It's easy, ye just stand about for a while then say to them that yer still waiting on yer order and they ask what ye ordered and get ye it. I've done it a shitload of times.

That's exactly what he did, Kieran.. He picked up a receipt off the ground, and claimed it as his own, and said he was waiting on his order.

I'm still amazed that it worked though.

There's a reason they work full time in burger king smurph.

No offence if anyone actually works in a place like that but in general they're usually fucking idiots.

Aye it wasn't the first time I had done it either. A cracking end to a cracking night nevertheless.

Deliberately doesn't mention his and Lambies Apprentices wayward attempts to get into various nightclubs afterwards in our drunken, unable to walk state.

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