Jacksgranda Posted November 27, 2022 Share Posted November 27, 2022 On 22/11/2022 at 14:25, coprolite said: Have you explained Australia and Austria? Later... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted December 17, 2022 Share Posted December 17, 2022 Watching Christmas tunes on youtube. 'I didn't realise Greg Lake was in Emerson Lake and Palmer.' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Khaki Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 Text exchange. Me - "Have you heard of the Sherman brothers, who wrote the song 'Supercalifragi....' from Mary Poppins, amongst others?" Her - "??" Me - "Well you must have either heard of them or not?" Her - "Both" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-A-Gogo Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 Got the wife good earlier I thought. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted April 9, 2023 Share Posted April 9, 2023 Her: Oh crap, the face recognition on my phone has stopped working. Me: (Almost asleep) Gnfughn? Her: Jesus, it's not even taking my password now. Shit, shit, shit! Me: (Coming awake) Let me see. . . . Me: This is my phone. Her: Oh, well they look the same. Me: Do you have a photo of my mountain bike as your wallpaper? Her: . . . Me: 'night. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor1874 Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 On 02/10/2022 at 12:47, Sergeant Wilson said: Two of my mates are sparks. They turned up at a rewire job, explained who the were and got started A few hours later the boss arrived to check how it was going. He was knocking on the door of the house next door when he noticed the neighbours door open and all sorts of noise. Had a look in and the boys were hard at work in the wrong house. The woman explained that she thought her husband had arranged a rewire and forgot to tell her. Mate of mine is a plumber. Turned up at a job one morning early doors in the middle of winter and barely clocked the door number in the dark. Lady answered in her housecoat and duly let him in. Explains he's got to wait for the joiner too but in the meantime he'll head up and crack on. After a heavy weekend he instead lay in the bath for a while before stinking out her bathroom. Post dump, his phone rings and his gaffer is wondering where he is because the customer has been on the phone complaining no one has shown up. Turned out it was a new build estate with each side of the road having a different street name, and number 19 'correct street' was actually a little further down the road. Quickly made his excuses to the homeowner of where he had stunk out and left never to return. Poor woman is probably stumped to this day. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oystercatcher Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 16 minutes ago, Connor1874 said: Mate of mine is a plumber. Turned up at a job one morning early doors in the middle of winter and barely clocked the door number in the dark. Lady answered in her housecoat and duly let him in. Explains he's got to wait for the joiner too but in the meantime he'll head up and crack on. After a heavy weekend he instead lay in the bath for a while before stinking out her bathroom. Post dump, his phone rings and his gaffer is wondering where he is because the customer has been on the phone complaining no one has shown up. Turned out it was a new build estate with each side of the road having a different street name, and number 19 'correct street' was actually a little further down the road. Quickly made his excuses to the homeowner of where he had stunk out and left never to return. Poor woman is probably stumped to this day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 I was a door to door salesman back in the late 90s, workong with a middle aged guy. He went into a woman's house and was in for ages. Not unusual. Sometimes folk would offer a cup of tea or a meal. Anyway, time is marching on and I am waiting for him. Golden rule was never to interrupt in case you blew a sale. Eventuall I am convinced that he's getting his Nat King. He emerged carrying loads of suitcases, put them in the boot of my car and we drove off. Turns out he wasn't getting it on with the woman. What had happened was, her husband had just left her for someone else that morning. The guy I worked with was about the same size as the husband, so the woman basically told him to help himself to the husband's clothes (which he was due to return and collect that evening). All designer gear, expensive stuff. He lifted just about everything he could. We did not go back to that village (Croy) the next day, just in case. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 11 minutes ago, scottsdad said: I was a door to door salesman back in the late 90s, workong with a middle aged guy. He went into a woman's house and was in for ages. Not unusual. Sometimes folk would offer a cup of tea or a meal. Anyway, time is marching on and I am waiting for him. Golden rule was never to interrupt in case you blew a sale. Eventuall I am convinced that he's getting his Nat King. He emerged carrying loads of suitcases, put them in the boot of my car and we drove off. Turns out he wasn't getting it on with the woman. What had happened was, her husband had just left her for someone else that morning. The guy I worked with was about the same size as the husband, so the woman basically told him to help himself to the husband's clothes (which he was due to return and collect that evening). All designer gear, expensive stuff. He lifted just about everything he could. We did not go back to that village (Croy) the next day, just in case. He definitely got his Nat King. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 (edited) Daughter (11) is baking some cup cakes: "Dad, help, I don't understand this part of the recipe. How do I measure 11 fourths?" Me (49) head in hands: "Oh FFS, its 1 and a quarter" Edited July 5, 2023 by Swarley 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 (edited) Should have said it was 2¾ just to see how it turned out Edited July 5, 2023 by Derry Alli 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Todd_is_God Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 Watching that Once Upon A Time in NI and the wife said she thought Bobby Sands played for Celtic 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 59 minutes ago, Derry Alli said: Should have said it was 2¾ just to see how it turned out No chance. At the weekend she tried to make brownies three or four times and each time they failed. Burned on outside, not cooked at all in the middle. Fifth time she was reading the recipe again and realised that she'd been using half a cup of baking powder instead of half a teaspoon! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 9 hours ago, Swarley said: No chance. At the weekend she tried to make brownies three or four times and each time they failed. Burned on outside, not cooked at all in the middle. Fifth time she was reading the recipe again and realised that she'd been using half a cup of baking powder instead of half a teaspoon! Sir, I salute your daughters persistence and desire! Did anyone try any of that concoction? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 10 hours ago, Todd_is_God said: Watching that Once Upon A Time in NI and the wife said she thought Bobby Sands played for Celtic Presumably as a striker who was starved of service. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuctifano Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 (edited) my other half likes and actively watches football but she has still come out with a couple of head scratchers - question came up on a quiz show about the first German manager to win the EPL (Klopp obviously) and she was sure it was Wenger, I pointed out he was French and she had to google it to convince herself Wenger wasn't German as she'd believed that for 25 years- a mistake you could maybe make in the first couple of months but he was at Arsenal for nearly 2 decades. Watching the World Cup final last year at a break in play, she mentioned that the attitude of the Argie fans towards Messi had really changed as they didn't like him at first. I thought that's a good point, and said yeah there was the whole thing about him prioritising Barcelona over the national team, not really being the same player for Argentina and with him coming through the youth system at Barcelona and not coming through an Argentine club they took a while to warm to him but they love him now... Her: "yeah and he was born in Kosovo wasn't he?" Me "what?" Her "that's really why they didn't like him though, because he's from Kosovo and not Argentina" After about 5 minutes we established she'd conflated the back stories of Lionel Messi and Xherdan Shaqiri Edited July 5, 2023 by Fuctifano 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 13 hours ago, Todd_is_God said: Watching that Once Upon A Time in NI and the wife said she thought Bobby Sands played for Celtic tbf 99% of all the times in my life I've ever heard Bobby Sands mentioned has been from Rangers fans saying f**k Bobby Sands or Celtic fans saying yay Bobby Sands, so I could understand this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Todd_is_God Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 3 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said: tbf 99% of all the times in my life I've ever heard Bobby Sands mentioned has been from Rangers fans saying f**k Bobby Sands or Celtic fans saying yay Bobby Sands, so I could understand this. Whilst I agree still think it's a bit mental to not have even the slightest clue who he was IMO 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Khaki Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 Just had this exchange, and she's no talking to me noo. Her - "The Leith pigeons are back" "Eh? Oh, the yins at Elm Row?" "Aye" "That's no Leith, and they're a bloody tripping hazard" "It is Leith, everyone calls it Leith. Leith Walk FFS" "They're at the junction with London Road. Is that in London noo?" "f**k Off". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 First time to fill up my new car yesterday. We were going out of town so I said we can fill up somewhere along the road - the wife said no, that won't work as you have to fill up your car in the same petrol station each time you fill up so we need to use a more local one. And, apparently this info came from our neighbour so there are at least 2 folks who think this is the case. She then caused confusion in the petrol station (full-service) by questioning why the price was 91 when the sign outside said 66.5. The 91 was the Octane rating, not the price! She's only just got her licence (f**k knows how she managed that) so no doubt I will be a regular poster on this thread, or the 'C***s on the road' one although I'm keeping her out of the driver's seat for the time being and in the back seat as much as possible. Not that that stops her chipping in with driving advice as you can imagine. Fun times ahead. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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