19QOS19 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Watching the Utd v Timbos game there and at the end, an advert for the Dons v Dee game next Friday pops up with a picture of Shay Logan and Kane Hemmings. "How come that guy plays for both teams then" says Mrs Mozza. Dirty Racists thread for this pish... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetterlund Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 In Edinburgh last weekend, waiting to cross Princes St, the other half asks me "since when did they have Hibs buses? I thought it was only Hearts buses you got in Edinburgh". They shall be known as Hibs & Hearts buses henceforth. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cowden0 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My sister's kid was watching my dad cleaning his false teeth at the sink. She asks me what's grandad doing. I thought it would be a useful way to show the importance of brushing her teeth. So said that her grandad didn't look after his teeth when he was wee so now he has false ones that he has to take out to clean now. Could see that this made her think. I was quite chuffed at this. She went over to her grandad and asked do you take your teeth every time to wash them. My dad said aye. She turned round and proclaimed, " how handy is that"! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 2 things. Her - 'what is spring break? Is it like a summer thing?' Me - 'what?' Her - 'spring break, is it something to do with summer?' Had no words after that. Then we're talking about her mum getting remarried. Me - 'your mums surname will change from x to x' Her - 'yeah, it's weird' Me - 'does she mostly use maiden name or current married name (same as Mrs KDM)?' Her - 'married name, because she hasn't changed it by Dee-port' Me - 'what?' Her - 'Dee-port, when you change your name to something different' Again, no words. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 "Cant believe Alan Rickman is dead""Yeah everyone keeps going on about him, would I have seen anything he's in?""Die Hard (f**k yer Harry Potter), he's Hans Gruber the bad guy""Hmmm.....cant think of him""He's the main bad guy!...wears a suit? has a beard?""Is he the king guy?""What?!""The king guy...""Ok I don't have a clue whit you're talking about now""Oh! Sorry I was thinking about Braveheart""................................................" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Women must all be the same - they hear words, re-arrange them to suit themselves, then look at you as if you're the stupid one that can't follow a conversation/answer a question. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Mrs (presenting me with the top of a lamp she has somehow disassembled in an attempt to fit a new shade) asked if I could help her out. Of course I obliged and a few seconds later my index finger completed the circuit for the lamp and zapped my right arm, leaving it feeling like it had been crushed in a vice. My fault for not checking she had unplugged it but God knows how she had managed to take the whole thing apart without electrocuting herself. An eye on the insurance payout probably. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Women must all be the same - they hear words, re-arrange them to suit themselves, then look at you as if you're the stupid one that can't follow a conversation/answer a question. I glad you've explained that. I've often wonder why the words that leave my mouth are so different from the ones that reach my wife's ears. I thought it must be an atmospheric anomaly. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Sounds like attempted murder to me. Agreed; get the life insurance cancelled, Shandon, afore it's too late. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Me: What was the worst film you saw last year at the cinema? Daughter: Hotel Transgender 2 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) Mentioned to one of the lassies in the office that it's nice to see we have a new pond out side (massive puddle from the rain) and said to her it reminded me of that time that a different lassie thought the whole giant sundial was moved when the clocks went fwd / backwards. She asked where the sundial was and I pointed to it (it's a pillar on the ground with the time on marble stones in the ground) she said 'oh that's what that is, I just thought it was a weird hopscotch' Edited January 26, 2016 by weirdcal 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Me: What was the worst film you saw last year at the cinema? Daughter: Hotel Transgender 2 I know that there are probably still some old-school gentlemen's cinema clubs in Edinburgh, but that's a really inappropriate venue for a wean. Did you at least bump into SJC during the showing? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Work for Procurement House. One of the buyers getting a quote for a Saudi Arabian customer is confused as they won't accept the quote as goods are manufactured in Israel, and apparently there is an embargo on Israeli goods into Saudi Arabia, And I quote; ' Do Saudi Arabia and Israel not like each other, didn't know they didn't get on, is this a new thing' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believe The Hype Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Then what happened ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I threw a bible, a Koran and a Torah at her and said her some light background reading. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Watching TV and she doing these crap magazine quizzes and crosswords to win stuff that nobody ever seems to win.... 'Not being blonde but the team that the Toon Army Support. I'm right in thinking that Scotland'......... After laughing and saying 'Fucking Scotland' for 10mins and explaining it Newcastle I believe my chances of sex tonight are zero 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Complaining that the GPS on her phone wasn't working. Seemed OK to me so I asked what happened. "Got in the car, pressed Maps, got a this function not available message" "Where was this" "In the car park at work" Car park at her work is underground. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Out the mouth of women My mum is going to Amsterdam today and yesterday she was around at my house:- My missus: "Don't you be taking too many drugs over there" Ma maw: "A willny. A would try hash but a won't be taking anything serious like marijuana or cannabis though" :lol: She eventually believed me when I told her they were the same things. Fud. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Watching TV and she doing these crap magazine quizzes and crosswords to win stuff that nobody ever seems to win.... 'Not being blonde but the team that the Toon Army Support. I'm right in thinking that Scotland'......... After laughing and saying 'Fucking Scotland' for 10mins and explaining it Newcastle I believe my chances of sex tonight are zero Hilarious. Just so you know, this thread is for daft comments made by women that we can laugh at and not for every time a woman doesn't know the answer to something. If she had said "who do the Tartan Army support? Is it Newcastle?" that would've worked and been an acceptable post. Glad I could help. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Hilarious. Just so you know, this thread is for daft comments made by women that we can laugh at and not for every time a woman doesn't know the answer to something. If she had said "who do the Tartan Army support? Is it Newcastle?" that would've worked and been an acceptable post. Glad I could help. Christ. That's all the joy sucked out of this thread. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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