Out of the mouth of babes...

[Ludo*1]

It is.

No, no it's not.

[The_Kincardine]

Just now, Ludo*1 said:

 

No, no it's not.

 

Exactly the same thing, buddy.  What the f**k do you think popcorn is then?

[Miguel Sanchez]

On ‎12‎/‎04‎/‎2017 at 15:56, The Minertaur said:

A couple of us at work chatting about the fella on the United Airlines flight being dragged off the plane.  One of the girls nearby overhears and pipes up with -

"It's a shocking story but have you guys seen any of the meh-mehs on Facebook?"

" - the what?"

"the meh-mehs!"

"spell it"

"m-e-m-e"

 

[Ludo*1]

Exactly the same thing, buddy.  What the f**k do you think popcorn is then?

Do you microwave a can of green giant when watching a film with the other half?! [emoji38]

They're both corn but you cannot microwave sweetcorn and make popcorn you utter moron.

[Dindeleux]

Wife earlier.
"Put that Billy Connolly thing on"
Me - "what channel?"
Her - "channel 1"
Who the f**k ever calls BBC 1 - channel 1?????
I was disgusted I have to say. Thinking I may divorce.

Think this thread has just jumped the shark.

f**k sake Gav.

[The_Kincardine]

4 minutes ago, Ludo*1 said:

 

Do you microwave a can of green giant when watching a film with the other half?!

They're both corn but you cannot microwave sweetcorn and make popcorn you utter moron.

 

This is why one should never live with a woman.  See my thesis here:

In your case you argue about the difference between dry and wet maize.  Your marriage is fucked, mate.

[Ludo*1]

This is why one should never live with a woman.  See my thesis here:
In your case you argue about the difference between dry and wet maize.  Your marriage is fucked, mate.

Touche.

[Bold Rover]

7 hours ago, Gaz FFC said:

Who the f**k ever calls BBC 1 - channel 1?????

I've just changed the radio over to the Home programme; it was on the Light channel.

[Gaz FFC]

Surprised nobody pointed out it was on STV  and not Channel 1

[Believe The Hype]

On 12 April 2017 at 16:12, Sweet Pete said:

 

To my utter shame I did this once when I was 18. We were visiting relatives in Fife and I saw the town sign and said "Burn-tiss-land? Weird name for a town". They live in Burntisland.

 

Speaking of Burntisland, me and the Mrs took a drive out there on Monday for a wee walk along the the beach with the wee one. As we are looking across the water she says "so is that Holland ?"

me - 

Are you being serious ?? 

*she looks at map on phone*

her - "ah shit I thought Holland was further up than that, so is that Denmark ?"

Me - 

Yes darling, we have drove 45 minutes out of Stirling and we can see Denmark. 

[Dindeleux]

Speaking of Burntisland, me and the Mrs took a drive out there on Monday for a wee walk along the the beach with the wee one. As we are looking across the water she says "so is that Holland ?"
me - 

Are you being serious ?? 
*she looks at map on phone*
her - "ah shit I thought Holland was further up than that, so is that Denmark ?"
Me - 

Yes darling, we have drove 45 minutes out of Stirling and we can see Denmark. 

I think I've already mentioned this on this thread but my mates girlfriend thought Amsterdam was an hours drive away from Ayrshire. She brought this up one day when he was struggling to get weed.......why don't you just drive to Amsterdam and get some?

Same girl thought you needed a passport to get to Aberdeen.

[Gaz FFC]

30 minutes ago, Dindeleux said:

 

I think I've already mentioned this on this thread but my mates girlfriend thought Amsterdam was an hours drive away from Ayrshire. She brought this up one day when he was struggling to get weed.......why don't you just drive to Amsterdam and get some?

Same girl thought you needed a passport to get to Aberdeen.

 

Bet she was a cracking ride

[Miguel Sanchez]

A girl in work yesterday told me she thought wolves were fictional.

[Shotgun]

Not my babe but one of her mates last night.

Somebody gave her a gift in a bag with a piece of coloured string holding the handles together to stop it falling out. She was struggling to undo the knot and in the process, had made it tighter. Being a reg'lar Jim Bowie type backwoodsman, I usually have some sort of knife on my belt or in my pocket - this time it was a Swiss Army Knife. I lent it to her and she was impressed at how easily it cut the string.

So she ran her thumb along the edge of the blade to see how sharp it really was. Cue much blood and wailing. Naturally, this was MY fault. "You didn't tell me your knife was sharp!" etc.

Isn't "sharp" pretty much the default for a knife?

[Bigmouth Strikes Again]

17 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

. Being a reg'lar Jim Bowie type backwoodsman,

That's no defence for strutting about and carrying a blade. You're looking at about 4 years, IMO.

[whiskychimp]

I'm off on hols soon so got some shorts delivered to work. 

The receptionist who signed for the delivery says " what's did you get? 

Me, " a load of budgie smugglers "

Her, " can't be. It's a big heavy package"

Me," thanks, you should see it when it's angry"

Her, confused look.." what? "

[Shotgun]

10 minutes ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said:

That's no defence for strutting about and carrying a blade. You're looking at about 4 years, IMO.

I live in Colorado. Here you can own almost any knife as long as it's not a gravity knife, switchblade or ballistic knife. It's legal to carry them in the open but if concealed, it has to be shorter than 3.5 inches unless you're actively hunting or fishing.

Even so, you can still carry Swiss Army Knives in Britain, can't you? (Question, not argument.)

ETA: And the "Reg'lar Jim Bowie type backwoodsman" comment was tongue-in-cheek. I'm really not.

Edited April 21, 2017 by Shotgun

[mjw]

I'm off on hols soon so got some shorts delivered to work. 
The receptionist who signed for the delivery says " what's did you get? 
Me, " a load of budgie smugglers "
Her, " can't be. It's a big heavy package"
Me," thanks, you should see it when it's angry"
Her, confused look.." what? "

^^ Bill O'Reilly found.

[welshbairn]

18 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

I live in Colorado. Here you can own almost any knife as long as it's not a gravity knife, switchblade or ballistic knife. It's legal to carry them in the open but if concealed, it has to be shorter than 3.5 inches unless you're actively hunting or fishing.

Even so, you can still carry Swiss Army Knives in Britain, can't you? (Question, not argument.)

ETA: And the "Reg'lar Jim Bowie type backwoodsman" comment was tongue-in-cheek. I'm really not.

3 inches folding knife is the limit here out and about. Gravity and ballistic knives sound like something out of the Culture (Ian M Banks). 

[Bold Rover]

1 hour ago, Shotgun said:

Not my babe but one of her mates last night.

Somebody gave her a gift in a bag with a piece of coloured string holding the handles together to stop it falling out. She was struggling to undo the knot and in the process, had made it tighter. Being a reg'lar Jim Bowie type backwoodsman, I usually have some sort of knife on my belt or in my pocket - this time it was a Swiss Army Knife. I lent it to her and she was impressed at how easily it cut the string.

So she ran her thumb along the edge of the blade to see how sharp it really was. Cue much blood and wailing. Naturally, this was MY fault. "You didn't tell me your knife was sharp!" etc.

Isn't "sharp" pretty much the default for a knife?

Out of the finger of babes thread for this pish.