What Was The Last Movie You Watched?

[scottsdad]

8 hours ago, Soapy FFC said:

Currently watching "For a few dollars more". It puts modern CGI filled movies to shame.

Now I have the Smokie song of the same name stuck in my head. 

[FifeArab]

Top Gun, released in 1986 starring Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer and Tom Skerritt.

I was probably one of the few people on the planet not to have seen this film till about 2 weeks ago. Really enjoyed it. I like my action movies and there was plenty in this along with just enough emotion and romance that doesn't go too far and make you role your eyes. I liked how they portrayed flight school, they made it look so cool and real. 

7.5/10

 

 

[accies1874]

32. The Quarry - Prime

Watched this a couple of Fridays back expecting something pretty trashy and definitely not expecting something Uruguayan. It has a 20-something woman meeting up with a couple of old friends at a quarry and, despite bringing her boyfriend, gets up to no good. It opens with that dirty business which then forms the basis of the boyfriend's paranoia for the rest of the runtime, paranoia which is actually quite funny - not sure if intentionally so - due to his masculine ego being torn down and him being completely helpless to stop it. It's the kind of relationship that makes you wonder how it started rather than why it's falling apart, and the process of it all unravelling is definitely stronger than the payoff. 

The film has the look of something like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre in that its rural location is quite grimy, with specks of dirt on the camera lens, but it tries to contrast that with ways to make the scenery look appealing by, for example, having the water of the quarry really glisten through the dirty lens. That seems to be a depiction of the whole 'going back to your hometown' scenario playing out. 

33. Lie with Me - Cinema

I thought this was just mega competent without doing much to grab my attention except the 5-10 minutes in the middle where it becomes really funny out of nowhere. The ending almost tied it all together emotionally as it has this tragedy of a man who felt forced by society to hide his happiness because it was with another man, and he was never able to shake that tragedy, but I don't really have anything else to say about it. It's just a bit meh imo. 

34. Barbie - Cinema

I waited a month to see this which, based on the very few reprobates in the screening, was a wise choice, however I picked the worst possible screen to see it in. The screen itself had dark marks all over it which wasn't good for a film with this much brightness, and the projection constantly flickered for the entire runtime. Absolutely brutal and meant I was never truly immersed in it.

The film itself is weird. The structure is the first thing that stands out as being quite bizarre as it seems to rush through almost everything. I thought at first that they were just trying to get Barbie into the 'real' world to get up to their shenanigans there, but then they rush through that to get back to Barbieland/Kendom where it settles down a wee bit before rushing through what you'd assume would be the climax of the film. I think it's much more interested in its worlds, characters and ideas than its narrative which, tbh, is fine by me, but it did make for a jarring experience. 

The depiction of the 'real' world is a bit jarring too, but I think I understand it more now. I mentioned a while ago on another thread that I was expecting it to play out like Elf - and it did when they first crossed the threshold with all of its fish out of water stuff - but it becomes clear that it's really just another offbeat, stylised world which lessens the impact of their nonsense but is a good contrast between the two locations. Barbieland is this zany, fantastical place that is completely out of touch with reality - and women rule the world! - whereas L.A. has a lot of the same zany characters but is mostly just the L.A. that we all know - and men rule the world! I think that's a clever juxtaposition to convey its message, even if Greta Gerwig runs away with herself a wee bit in the execution. 

Barbieland is obviously where all the fun is had. Everyone's said it and it's absolutely true. The production and costume designs are just delightful and the whole thing is a fun and creative place to set your film. It feels like a pantomime, which isn't necessarily a bad thing as it has all of the fun of a pantomime while still having a pretty nuanced script when it comes to its conflicts; again, it tries to use a male's experiences to tell a very female story. Sometimes that nuance can overexplain itself in the final act but there's usually a solid punchline at the end of it. I did find the comedy to be at its best when it's poking fun at masculinity, although I wouldn't say its jokes had a good hit rate for me. Most things with Robbie, Gosling and Simu Liu (who I hadn't seen in anything before) are funny just due to great delivery or physicality; everything else was a bit iffy, especially Kate McKinnon whose comedic style I just didn't enjoy.

I don't want to end on a negative, though, so I will say that Greta Gerwig is firmly in Watch Whatever She Makes territory, not only because they're good but because they all* have really quite interesting takes on polarised issues. f**k knows how that will manifest itself in a Narnia film, but I'm all for it. 

* not seen Nights and Weekends, and didn't even know it existed until just now

[scottsdad]

The Meg 2

Utter nonsense from start to finish. Complete suspension of disbelief needed. 2 dimensional characters you don't care about. Not even sure how many were in the first one. 

I really enjoyed it. 

[Miguel Sanchez]

On 27/08/2023 at 01:44, MSU said:

169 The Life of Emile Zola (#10 in Best Picture series) -- I guess for the early batch of Academy Award-winning Best Pictures, it's perfectly fine and Paul Muni is pretty good in the role of 19th century French novelist, Emile Zola. The story is a worthy one about the Dreyfus Affair, which I confess I knew little about, a scandal about an antisemitic miscarriage of justice and when a Jewish French officer was accused of treason. It's just told in a weird sort of roundabout way and it failed to grab my attention. In the end, my mind wandered to Sunday dinner and it didn't really venture too far away from that until the movie ended. 5/10

170 Kill List -- I was disappointed in Ben Wheatley's Meg 2 so came back to Kill List to, oddly, cleanse the pallet. I was blown away by this the first time and it definitely bears a repeat viewing as there are a few neat bits of foreshadowing that might be missed. Kill List moves quite seamlessly through drama, to thriller, to outright horror although there is at least a horrific undercurrent running throughout. The dialogue is crisp and believable and the leads' performances are spot on. It really delivers throughout and feels a million miles away from the one with the big shark. 9/10

171 Enys Men -- After watching Kill List, I was reminded about this experimental Cornish folk-horror piece from last year that I'd never gotten around to watching. A woman, The Volunteer, is alone on a rocky island, making daily observations on the condition of what I presume to be a rare flower, and every day she drops a rock down a mine shaft. This repeats. This repeats quite a bit. In amongst all this, there are visions of a young woman, who may or may not be a younger version of The Volunteer, a man, who may to may not be her lover, and some miners and milk maidens, who probably don't exist. There's also a stone pillar in memory of lives who were lost at sea, and this may be a metaphor for her, and maybe the woman *is* the island. It's filmed like it's an old 1970s PSA film, and it reminded me an awful lot of The Owl Service and a bit of Skinamarink, and it's a very unsettling experience either way. Is it about loneliness and grief, or is there more to it? It feels like it depends on the viewer, making it something more to be interpreted or solved, like a work of art or a puzzle, more than necessarily enjoyed. 6/10

172 Final Destination -- Somehow, I've seen bits and bobs of this series but I don't think I've ever sat down and watched a Final Destination movie all the way through. This was pretty entertaining and beyond the enticing concept, it still rides on the coattails of Scream a little bit and is more fun than terrifying or gory, and certainly enough for me to get the sequel onto my watchlist. 7/10

173 Gran Turismo -- Archie Madekwe, who I've somehow managed to see in five other things without really trying, is Jann, a Welsh Gran Turismo player who gets a chance to race for Team Nissan for reals, where his fellow competitors and pro drivers and his pit crew and family are praying for him to fail. It's impossible to describe how much Jann's family suck here and as this is based on a true story, they must be feeling the burn pretty hard right now. Some of the race scenes are quite exciting, and there are neat visual effects like when Jann was racing at home he imagined it being real and this played in reverse when he was actually on the track, but because motor racing is generally pretty boring, all the drama that needs to get added to a race to make it watchable also makes it unbelievable. Add to this extraordinary scenes of exposition, like when one character explains to another that the Le Mans race that's about to start lasts for 24 hours, which is bad and bad enough until you remember that the character having this explained to them is putting on their helmet as they're about to be in the actual race. David Harbour as an e-Sports Mr Miyago shines amongst a fairly wooden cast that somehow includes Orlando Bloom and Ginger Spice. 4/10

I'd give you a green dot for going to see Gran Turismo but you said motor racing is boring, so I'm not.

[Mark Connolly]

Just watched The Flash again.

Keaton really is magnificent. Fully in favour of a live action Dark Knight Returns, or Batman Beyond with the best Batman in the role again

[The Naitch]

Greatest Days (Amazon) - Latest in the line of jukebox musical films. Ach, it was ok but there are much better in the genre out there.

[Miguel Sanchez]

Ready Player One (2018) The year is 2045. All of America lives in slums comprised of containers perched on top of one another. They spend every waking moment inside an extremely realistic version of the Metaverse, where they can be and do anything and they all compete for Coins to be able to do things. The guy who created this sets up a Willy Wonka style egg hunt to find an heir to the empire, and one nerd does this with the fate of the world coming down to him. For some reason this is presented as a Spielberg family-friendly action romp, rather than the detached dystopian horror it clearly is. I watched this a few years ago and it was one of the few films I've posted about in here. I called it Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for arseholes with no attention span. If anything it's worse than I remember. Have you ever seen Pixels? It's like that only more obnoxious, and this film doesn't have Adam Sandler in it. What an achievement. 

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) You know that thing Will Ferrell does where he yells and it's really funny? Of course you don't, because that's all he does and it's about the most irritating thing in the world. I wanted to watch something I knew I'd hate. Even though several scenes were wasted on me because I'm already familiar with them as memes, it was contemptible. 

Spectre (2015) Doesn't watching James Bond films nowadays just make you fellas want to drink a nice, cool, refreshing Heineken? Drink Heineken and you too can make the most attractive woman in the world, Lea Seydoux, fall in love with you after three days. Drink Heineken and you too can throw Dave Bautista off a train. Drink Heineken. HEINEKEN. LOOK HE'S DRINKING A HEINEKEN. IT'S A BEER. BUY IT. CONSUME. I'd seen this once and was really underwhelmed by it. Now though, I enjoyed it quite a lot. Lots of classic Bond on offer - Blofeld, locations, a giant and largely mute henchman to fling him about a bit. It's let down by the main bad guy being Ant & Dec and largely being a rehash of Skyfall's "you're obsolete Bond", but the rest of it's alright. I think the biggest problem is it doesn't do enough to be its own film. I don't know that any Bond (actor) is as betrothed to his previous stories as Daniel Craig, and the result is you just have the feeling that the previous film was better, and nothing's really going to get resolved now and you'll have to wait. The song was terrible too. 

[MSU]

174 Final Destination 2 -- Ah, so this is the one that made sure I would never drive behind a lumber truck ever again. It's a pretty decent sequel for the most part and I was probably enjoying it more than the original for the first half or so. The elaborate build ups leading to incredible simple deaths was a bit of a joy and the choreography of the Route 23 Pile Up is an astonishing achievement. For me, the movie dips quite a bit in the second half, mostly down to the re-introduction of buzzkill Clear Rivers, not helped by the acting of a seemingly disinterested Ali Larter, which is a real shame because Final Destination 2 really takes the story in an interesting direction and delivers some satisfying kills. 6/10

175 Final Destination 3 -- 5/10 feels pretty generous and most of that is due to the fact I like Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Final Destination movies have never been blessed with a bucket load of likable characters but this bunch is just despicable. I kinda get that this supposedly makes watching them die more entertaining, which is true, but there's an awful lot of the movie where no one is dying and that's a bit tougher to put up with. Some entertaining kills, mostly done practically as far as I can make out, but I'm not sure the franchise is aware of its own rules anymore. 5/10

176 The Final Destination -- Urgh, well, this is a definite low point. I mean, I'm not entirely against digital effects but these are just so woeful it's almost like it's deliberately trying to look like a cartoon and I swear I heard some cartoony clang noises in here too, so maybe that was the goal. Introducing NASCAR to the franchise was never going to set the heather alight (remember, motor sport is very boring) but I am somewhat curious to know if Chuck Palahniuk's got paid for the hat-tip to Guts. Points are awarded purely for the soundtrack to Racist Carter's demise which gave me a chuckle, the opening credits that show x-rays of better kills from previous movies, and for the fact that, like all the other FD movies, it didn't demand much in the way of my time or attention before being done. Kinda like a betta fish. 3/10

177 Final Destination 5 -- Wow, it really goes to show what a good intro credit sequence can do for a movie. The James Bond-esque theme tune really raised my weary spirits as I went into what I expected to be another example of diminishing returns, and I ended up really quite enjoying this one. It's helped along by having characters that are more likable, and even the horrible sexist doofus guy is passable, and his eventual demise is rather satisfying. Digital effects get in the way again but the opening sequence on a Vancouver bridge is breathtaking and I imagine the scene in the gym is what got people talking back in 2011. All of this and a rewarding sting in the tail make this probably my pick of the bunch, which I didn't imagine happening when I hit play. 7/10

178 We Have a Ghost -- Happy Death Day director, Christopher Landon, is quite good at these PG-13 "horror" movies, although this one isn't really trying to scare anyone. Teenager Kevin and his family move home thanks to dad being a loser, only to discover that the attic is haunted by a ghost named Ernest. The two of them bond and while Kevin attempts to find out more about Ernest’s backstory, his dad sets about making some coin from the situation which attracts the attention of the CIA. So a bit like ET but with ghosts. Overall, I enjoyed it. David Harbour is silent as Ernest the ghost and Jahi Di’Allo Winston is very relatable as Kevin with Isabella Russo providing the chuckles as the next-door neighbor kid who gets caught up in it all. And it’s Tig Notaro as the villainous CIA agent, and Jennifer Coolidge as Jennifer Coolidge. I guess my issue with it is the tone is mismatched all the way through so I don’t really know who this is aimed at. It’s a little too gritty at times to be a family feature, but it’s too lame at other times to be entirely Young Adult, and it’s at least 20 minutes too long. That said, it made me laugh a few times, and whenever I felt it was getting too schmaltzy it would pick up again, and like Happy Death Day, I think it’s got a lot of spirit. Ba-boom tish. 6/10

179 Bottoms -- High School lesbian best friends, PJ and Josie, inadvertently start up a self-defense fight club as a way to lose their virginities and score with the popular girls. The club proves to be such a hit that it threatens to take attention away from the school football team and their upcoming rival game, and soon the pals realize they've bitten off more than they can chew. Really, though, it's like Fight Club meets Pitch Perfect meets Superbad with lesbians, and there's not one thing I dislike about the sound of that. I mean, throw in a "meets Paddington 2" and this might just have been the greatest movie ever made. Emma Seligman directs and writes along with Rachel Sennott, who stars as PJ, alongside Ayo Edebiri as Josie. Both actors are in their late-twenties, but don't let that spoil anything for you. The writing is just perfect and has an incredible tone that manages to match and satire high school politics in a really refreshing way. There's a slight lull around the transition from the second act into the third, which is to be expected in this kind of movie, but apart from that, I really laughed out loud all the way through as time and again it continued to surprise me. There felt like there was quite a bit of improv and riffing allowed in the scenes, giving it a very natural flavor, and something that was confirmed by the (perhaps unnecessary) blooper reel at the end. As good as the main actors are, the success of the movie for me is helped greatly by the rounded characterization of the supporting players. I thought Ruby Cruz was wonderful as Hazel, as was Marshawn Lynch as the girls' teacher, Mr G, all of which contrasted brilliantly with the bland emptiness of the football players, all of whom are constantly in uniform, and one of whom is kept in a cage for everyone's safety. It feels rare to rate a comedy as highly as this, but honestly, along with Past Lives and Aftersun, this was one of the few times in the last couple of years that I left a movie absolutely dying to turn around and go watch it again. 10/10

Edited September 7, 2023 by MSU

[accies1874]

I think I've seen all of the Final Destination movies and 3 was pretty much the only one I liked. It might be because it was the first one I saw, but it stands out as being the most cohesive and having most memorable set-pieces. All in all, it actually felt like a film which I couldn't say for the others. 

On Bottoms, you're spot on about high school teen movies being all about the supporting cast. Every single one lives and dies on that aspect. 

[MSU]

8 hours ago, accies1874 said:

I think I've seen all of the Final Destination movies and 3 was pretty much the only one I liked. It might be because it was the first one I saw, but it stands out as being the most cohesive and having most memorable set-pieces. All in all, it actually felt like a film which I couldn't say for the others. 

Yeah, seems like the consensus is that FD3 is the pick of the bunch. I don't think my opinion was helped by watching all of them in a week.

[coprolite]

Hunger Games+ 3x sequels

Battle Royale meets The Running Man-for kids. 

Consistently entertaining, on the edge of too violent for the 11yo i was watching with. Good entry level dystopian sci fi without any subtelty. 

They never quite made sense of why they had the games, apart from baddies (Donald Sutherland- top baddie). 

Jennifer Lawrence is excellent and there's a good supporting cast, apart from the eventual love interest who's an arsehole who acts like a reject from a disney kids sitcom. 

6/10 x 4

 

[accies1874]

16 hours ago, coprolite said:

Hunger Games+ 3x sequels

Battle Royale meets The Running Man-for kids. 

Consistently entertaining, on the edge of too violent for the 11yo i was watching with. Good entry level dystopian sci fi without any subtelty. 

They never quite made sense of why they had the games, apart from baddies (Donald Sutherland- top baddie). 

Jennifer Lawrence is excellent and there's a good supporting cast, apart from the eventual love interest who's an arsehole who acts like a reject from a disney kids sitcom. 

6/10 x 4

 

Last week I watched Battle Royale for the first time which made me the tiniest bit interested in revisiting these. I remember nothing about the first, I watched the second on a plane and quite liked it, fell asleep during the third one in the cinema and then watched about half of the fourth on a plane again until my screen broke. So not got the fondest memories of the series.

[accies1874]

35. Klokkenluider - Cinema

This is likely to remind you of films like In Bruges, Reservoir Dogs and other Tarantino flicks with its dark comedy and moral ambiguity within the confines of a location that is set apart from where you might expect a story like this to be set. It's about a whistleblower who's got a mysterious secret that can bring down the government, but the whole thing is set in the Belgian house (and a bit of the village) where he and his wife are holed up while they wait for the journalist who they plan to leak the story to, all under the watchful eyes of a couple of somewhat gormless private security marks (hence In Bruges). 

It also reminded me of Reality from earlier this year due to that unravelling whistleblower in a confined location and all of the repercussions of trying to bring down the government, provoking mysteries and questions that are likely to carry over past the end of the film. The power of information is both ridiculed and lauded as a tool that could and should tear down governments while also being something that we've become too desensitised to for us to act upon. What's the point of upsetting the apple cart and potentially destroying your own life when it won't have the desired effect? That's spelled out at one point, but the motives behind that are a bit more hopeful and interesting imo. I'm really interested to watch it again as I get the feeling that retrospect will change it a lot - maybe even change it entirely. If it does then that'll be fascinating, but I can't really comment until I have given it a rewatch. 

There's also what seems to be a stealth protagonist which is always fun. There are really just five characters all-in, but they all have secrets which are never resolved yet remain engaging enough to hold your attention. Their interactions can be very funny, too, but it's always on the edge of descending into discomfort, especially when one of the private security duo, Kevin, chastises his colleague Glynn. They all also seem like people who are in over their heads which can contribute the mystery and all-round paranoid atmosphere.

Sometimes they can all talk a bit too unnaturally with forced F-bombs and "mate"s, especially from an actress who shows up towards the end, but even then, that might be deliberate. What I don't think was deliberate was a few weird shot and editing moments and there's definitely one instance of really bad audio editing - so bad that even I noticed it. This was made by a first-time director, Neil Maskell, who won't be a new name for anyone familiar with Kill List which I rewatched last night and still think is absolutely wonderful. 

Aside from that, I found it a really good way to pass 80 minutes without being at all disposable. It's really easy to recommend - which is exactly what I'm doing now!

[accies1874]

36. The Blackening (kinda) - Cinema

Well, this is it: the worst cinema experience of my entire life. Hell, maybe the worst night of my life, full stop. 

I've got a few days off and there a bunch of films in the cinema that I want to see atm so I had a nice schedule of what to see this weekend. The first trip of which was tonight, so I finished work, got in my car, fired up a lower league special of @TerracePodcast and headed to Glasgow to see... Scrapper! Things got off to a bad start as I left the Concert Square car park and realised that my ticket was still in the car and I needed it to get back in, but I just decided to f**k it and continue to the cinema. That went smoothly, and before long I was settled in my seat with my bottle of water and brownie, waiting for the GFT's last showing of Scrapper, a film that I've been wanting to watch since I first saw the trailer. It was scheduled to start at 6.30pm, but the ticket attendant informed us at around 6.35pm that there was a slight delay due to an issue with the projector. 10 minutes later, the manager came back in with the bad news: showing cancelled! This is the second time in a few weeks that they've cancelled the last showing of a film very late on (first was Paris Memories), but I dusted myself down and rushed to collect my refund at the box office. While waiting in the queue, I checked to see if anything else was showing nearby and found that The Blackening was playing just along the road at the Renfrew Street Cineworld at 6.40pm - ongoing but enough time to make it before the trailers end. "Perfect," I thought, "that was on the list, anyway, so at least my trip wasn't in vain." So I bought a ticket for that, got a refund for Scrapper and headed to the Cineworld. Little did I know that there was yet more pain to come. 

Just as I made it to the front door of the tallest cinema in the world, I realised that I'd left my trusty water bottle in the GFT, however I knew that I had no time to turn back to collect it as the trailers preceding The Blackening were no doubt coming to a close. I abandoned the bottle and, perhaps for the first time in my life, took the elevator up the many floors of the aforementioned gigantic cinema and made do with getting a cup of tap water at the snack desk. Perhaps the last thing I expected to see when I got to that desk was Craig Fowler, founder of the podcast currently playing in my ear, occupying the sole staff member by buying a ticket for the film I was trying to rush into. I considered going without water but came to my senses quickly. I eventually got my drink - and credit to the worker who delivered it promptly - and, for the second time within the hour, sat down to watch a film, thankfully just before it began. 

I could tell that something was up with this screening straight away. It seemed like they hadn't turned all of the speakers on or something. I was a couple of rows from the back - and a couple behind Craig Fowler - but all of the audio appeared to be coming from speakers at the front. This meant that it was really hard to make out certain lines of dialogue, the needle drops and jumpscares didn't pack a punch and, importantly, I just wasn't immersed in The Blackening whatsoever, despite finding its characters endearing and some of the post-modernism quite funny. "How could this night get any worse," was my thinking. Enter the Awful Elderly Couple...

30 minutes into The Blackening, an hour after the showing was scheduled to begin, this old couple waltzed in. I wondered if they'd perhaps got the wrong film or something had gone wrong, but hey, I too was almost late for this (yeah, not 30 minutes late, but still) so I let it slide. I knew they'd be trouble when they did the typically stupid thing that latecomers do of shining their torch throughout the screening room just in case being late wasn't distracting enough, however, again, I just wanted to enjoy the film so tried to ignore them. They sat down, a couple of rows in front of me and across from Craig Fowler. And they continued to use their phone, and the woman continued to use it with her torch on. I don't know if she thought it was off or not, but see if you're going to be a complete and utter c**t and use your phone in the cinema, don't keep your fucking torch on. While she eventually turned the light off, but not before she used it to light up their oversized ice cream cone until she and her filmgoing buddy finished it, the texting persisted. Less frequently, granted, but annoying enough to be distracting. As the distractions eased up, although the sound quality never improved, and we made it to the final act, I realised something was missing from my pocket - my goddamn bank card. I knew I'd used it at the GFT, but, with some of the characters kicking about Glasgow, combined with the briskness of my walk from cinema to cinema, I was facing the very real crisis that it might have been nicked. Then the elderly woman started texting again. Then her partner for the evening started making a noise that sounded like the persistent clicking of a pen until the very end of the film. This was the climax of both my story and the story of The Blackening and they were both equally as horrifying. The loss of the card, the flashing screen in a darkened cinema, and this goddamn clicking. I couldn't concentrate and have no idea what the big reveal was at the end of The Blackening. I watched the twist but have no idea why or how it happened. I get the feeling that Craig Fowler felt the same way as he got up and moved a few rows in front to presumably escape the distractions. It's enough to put you off going to the cinema. 

Thankfully there's a happy ending as I found my card in between the seat and retrieved my water bottle from the GFT. I did have to go round the long way to get back into the car park and had to park in an electric bay while frantically paying my £4 fee, so I hope that my refund from the GFT isn't negated by a fine from Glasgow City Council, however I was just desperate to see the back of this sorry ordeal. 

I might return to The Blackening at some point, but I certainly won't be setting foot in Glasgow's Cineworld ever again. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more shenanigans soon as I brave Scotland's worst cinemas. 

Cheers

accies1874

[MSU]

What a nightmare, ser. It's a shame on all counts as Scrapper looks great, The Blackening is decent and worth an undistracted watch, and I used to love to spend the day in that Cineworld back in 2011/12. Plus cuntish old people really make me sad.

[MSU]

180 The Equalizer -- Watched ahead of going to see the new one. Denzel Washington's charm and charisma buy an awful lot of good faith as he stars as Robert McCall, a man with a shady past who is drawn into a world of Russian organized crime when a young prostitute, Alina, played by Chloe Grace Moretz is beaten half to death. It's a long, long movie for what it is, but I kinda liked how it took its time to build up the characters. What it lacks is genuine stakes because none of the good guys ever really look like being in danger. This is a movie where good has to triumph over evil and so it does and by the end of it, when McCall meets up with Alina again, he must be doing some mental arithmetic to tally up how many people he's killed since meeting her. Good fun, entertaining set-pieces, and Denzel is fabulous, but here's an idea...maybe it would've made a better TV show in the 1980s? 6/10

181 The Equalizer 3 -- Denzel Washington kill people in interesting ways, this time in Italiano. We start with Robert McCall at the end of a Sicilian assignment where he suffers a sucker punch from a kid during his walk into the sunset. After that, he's found and taken in by a doctor to recuperate where he falls in love with the village and its people. And little wonder. The Amalfi Coast is stunning and provides a calm and soothing contrast to the bonkers mayhem that goes on during the movie when some local mafioso kids push Robert's friends a little too far and ignore his advice to leave town. Of course, these small fish have bigger fish behind them and so things escalate quite quickly from there. The story is pretty thin, as was the case in the original, but it's impossible not to cheer on Robert McCall, and applaud when he sticks a corkscrew through the chin of a bad guy. Dakota Fanning's CIA operative character is so under-developed it's amazing that they could be bothered to give her a name, but it's still good fun and at twenty-odd minutes shorter than the first one, it feels a bit tighter too. If this is how the series ends, it's not a terrible way to go. 5/10

182 The Equalizer 2 -- I've watched these in an odd order but honestly, they're all pretty much standalone so I don't think I lost anything except for a small plot point that carries forward into Equalizer 3 that I managed to assume for myself anyway. All three movies are very much slight variations of the same thing and would be nothing without Denzel Washington and his murderous ways. If you liked the first, as I did, you're going to like them all, but I felt that this one was maybe just a nudge better than the other two. Robert McCall is a more interesting character here, his contacts with his past are more impactful, and the set pieces are just a little bit more exciting. It also has the best denouement of the series. 7/10

183 Polite Society -- It's a kneejerk reaction from me but whenever I see the Working Title logo come up, it makes me think of Edgar Wright and the Cornetto Trilogy, and for spells in Polite Society, the movie was kind enough to give me a similar vibe, although perhaps more influenced by Scott Pilgrim vs The World. Priya Kansara is wonderful here as Ria, a teenager with dreams of becoming a stuntwoman -- Eunace, the Scouse Gladiator no less -- who is determined to save her sister from being married off to the wrong man but is shocked to discover exactly how wrong he is. There's an awful lot to like in this action comedy and it's perhaps a testament to the goodwill it garners when it feels like it could have better action and it feel like it could be funnier, and yet I still came away from it thinking it was very good. A lot of this goodwill is generated by Kansara herself who is an absolutely captivating presence and carries off all the emotional beats beautifully. The wire work fight scenes don't disappoint either. Director and writer Nida Manzoor puts on a stunning show, especially in the final act, although it feels like she lets the pace of the story get a bit out of control in the first hour or so. The script though is sharp and witty and managed to encourage me to show Bollywood a bit more attention in the future. 8/10

184 Evolution -- I had fonder memories of this early 2000s comedy, and there are still moments that raised a smile, but I think in the past I was more taken with the concept than the actual execution. The story of a meteor crashing to earth and kickstarting alien life in an accelerated manner is interesting and the four leads of David Duchovny, Julianne Moore, Orlando Jones, and Seann William Scott all have their moments, but surely too much time is dedicated to the male scientists deciding how much the female scientist is begging for a "good humping." 5/10

185 I Blame Society -- Gillian Wallace Horvat is the writer, director, star, and main character of this uber meta mockumentary in which the fictional (let's hope) Gillian is a failing but ambitious filmmaker who resorts to an old idea of hers to make a documentary about how she would commit the perfect murder. It occupies a weird intersection in a complicated venn diagram of genres but it's an interesting watch for the first half at least. Gillian is a quirky wee soul and the tone pitches well into the sad realization that if you are a creative type of any sort, the chances are most of your friends don't give a shit one way or the other. As the movie progresses, though, and it takes the turns it kinda has to do, it becomes less fun, more stupid, and it really could've done with an increased blood budget. At under 90 minutes, though, it's not a bad distraction and overall it probably has something interesting to say underneath all those layers of meta. 6/10

186 Between Two Worlds -- Juliette Binoche stars as Marianne, an author who looks to find out the effects of the cost of living crisis for her new book and goes undercover with a group of women who work as cleaners. Eventually, through a series of quick turnover positions, she ends up cleaning ferries in the port of Ouistreham in Northern France where she makes friends and eventually struggles with the morality of her deceit. I was expecting something like a French version of I, Daniel Blake but Moi, Daniel Blake it is not. With the exception of a brief scene with a four-leaf clover, it's a strangely emotionless affair, even before we learn that Marianne isn't in the financial crisis that she claims. That's not to say that the work these women undertake isn't grueling and thankless, or that their security isn't worryingly fragile, but the movie spends more time talking about their struggles than showing them, and so many offshoots of the main story are left feeling bare and unresolved. In the end, I'm not sure what the movie wants me to think about Marianne's deception or the plight of the poor folks whose lives continue to be spent cleaning cabins on ferries whether she's there or not, so perhaps it's appropriate that I left the movie feeling pretty much the same as I did when I went in. 4/10

[welshbairn]

On 07/09/2023 at 22:23, accies1874 said:

36. The Blackening (kinda) - Cinema

Well, this is it: the worst cinema experience of my entire life. Hell, maybe the worst night of my life, full stop. 

I've got a few days off and there a bunch of films in the cinema that I want to see atm so I had a nice schedule of what to see this weekend. The first trip of which was tonight, so I finished work, got in my car, fired up a lower league special of @TerracePodcast and headed to Glasgow to see... Scrapper! Things got off to a bad start as I left the Concert Square car park and realised that my ticket was still in the car and I needed it to get back in, but I just decided to f**k it and continue to the cinema. That went smoothly, and before long I was settled in my seat with my bottle of water and brownie, waiting for the GFT's last showing of Scrapper, a film that I've been wanting to watch since I first saw the trailer. It was scheduled to start at 6.30pm, but the ticket attendant informed us at around 6.35pm that there was a slight delay due to an issue with the projector. 10 minutes later, the manager came back in with the bad news: showing cancelled! This is the second time in a few weeks that they've cancelled the last showing of a film very late on (first was Paris Memories), but I dusted myself down and rushed to collect my refund at the box office. While waiting in the queue, I checked to see if anything else was showing nearby and found that The Blackening was playing just along the road at the Renfrew Street Cineworld at 6.40pm - ongoing but enough time to make it before the trailers end. "Perfect," I thought, "that was on the list, anyway, so at least my trip wasn't in vain." So I bought a ticket for that, got a refund for Scrapper and headed to the Cineworld. Little did I know that there was yet more pain to come. 

Just as I made it to the front door of the tallest cinema in the world, I realised that I'd left my trusty water bottle in the GFT, however I knew that I had no time to turn back to collect it as the trailers preceding The Blackening were no doubt coming to a close. I abandoned the bottle and, perhaps for the first time in my life, took the elevator up the many floors of the aforementioned gigantic cinema and made do with getting a cup of tap water at the snack desk. Perhaps the last thing I expected to see when I got to that desk was Craig Fowler, founder of the podcast currently playing in my ear, occupying the sole staff member by buying a ticket for the film I was trying to rush into. I considered going without water but came to my senses quickly. I eventually got my drink - and credit to the worker who delivered it promptly - and, for the second time within the hour, sat down to watch a film, thankfully just before it began. 

I could tell that something was up with this screening straight away. It seemed like they hadn't turned all of the speakers on or something. I was a couple of rows from the back - and a couple behind Craig Fowler - but all of the audio appeared to be coming from speakers at the front. This meant that it was really hard to make out certain lines of dialogue, the needle drops and jumpscares didn't pack a punch and, importantly, I just wasn't immersed in The Blackening whatsoever, despite finding its characters endearing and some of the post-modernism quite funny. "How could this night get any worse," was my thinking. Enter the Awful Elderly Couple...

30 minutes into The Blackening, an hour after the showing was scheduled to begin, this old couple waltzed in. I wondered if they'd perhaps got the wrong film or something had gone wrong, but hey, I too was almost late for this (yeah, not 30 minutes late, but still) so I let it slide. I knew they'd be trouble when they did the typically stupid thing that latecomers do of shining their torch throughout the screening room just in case being late wasn't distracting enough, however, again, I just wanted to enjoy the film so tried to ignore them. They sat down, a couple of rows in front of me and across from Craig Fowler. And they continued to use their phone, and the woman continued to use it with her torch on. I don't know if she thought it was off or not, but see if you're going to be a complete and utter c**t and use your phone in the cinema, don't keep your fucking torch on. While she eventually turned the light off, but not before she used it to light up their oversized ice cream cone until she and her filmgoing buddy finished it, the texting persisted. Less frequently, granted, but annoying enough to be distracting. As the distractions eased up, although the sound quality never improved, and we made it to the final act, I realised something was missing from my pocket - my goddamn bank card. I knew I'd used it at the GFT, but, with some of the characters kicking about Glasgow, combined with the briskness of my walk from cinema to cinema, I was facing the very real crisis that it might have been nicked. Then the elderly woman started texting again. Then her partner for the evening started making a noise that sounded like the persistent clicking of a pen until the very end of the film. This was the climax of both my story and the story of The Blackening and they were both equally as horrifying. The loss of the card, the flashing screen in a darkened cinema, and this goddamn clicking. I couldn't concentrate and have no idea what the big reveal was at the end of The Blackening. I watched the twist but have no idea why or how it happened. I get the feeling that Craig Fowler felt the same way as he got up and moved a few rows in front to presumably escape the distractions. It's enough to put you off going to the cinema. 

Thankfully there's a happy ending as I found my card in between the seat and retrieved my water bottle from the GFT. I did have to go round the long way to get back into the car park and had to park in an electric bay while frantically paying my £4 fee, so I hope that my refund from the GFT isn't negated by a fine from Glasgow City Council, however I was just desperate to see the back of this sorry ordeal. 

I might return to The Blackening at some point, but I certainly won't be setting foot in Glasgow's Cineworld ever again. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more shenanigans soon as I brave Scotland's worst cinemas. 

Cheers

accies1874

So, what's Craig Fowler Fowler like in real life then? A bit shorter than you expected?

[Miguel Sanchez]

This is Spinal Tap (1984) After watching this I did some research to see how accurate it was. What a time it must have been to be making music. Or doing whatever the boys are doing here. God knows what sort of film you could make now with the world's global pop stars and their obsessive fans.

The Terminator (1984) This film was my first introduction to many things. On screen nudity. Love. Time travelling killer cyborgs. 80s dance music. This genuinely gets better over time and it's a travesty that so many terrible films with the Terminator name exist.

In The Heat of the Night (1967) A dead body turns up in a small town in Mississippi in the middle of the night. Fortunately a combination between Sherlock Holmes and Mystic Meg is sitting in the train station. The only problem is it's 1966 and it's a small town in Mississippi and he happens to be black. As compelling and insightful as the racial tensions are, the actual crime and the solving of it feels a bit convenient, as if it has to happen purely because it has to. Fortunately several great performances keep your attention. 

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Why is something so weird so funny? Why is something so uniquely personal and localised so funny? I don't know, but it is. Actually I do, it's surreal, it's weird, and it's still somehow relatable even if you're not a suspiciously adult-looking man going through an awkward high school phase. 

Tyrannosaur (2011) An extremely angry, drunk Scottish man befriends Sophie from Peep Show when he ends up at her charity shop after killing his dog and getting jumped. He doesn't take kindly to her praying for him, but it turns out they both have a dark home life and there's a lot to unravel. It's bleak, it's brutal, but there are two very good performances and you don't really leave this feeling as down as you might think. The only complaint I have is the soundtrack, which is often too loud and feels a bit dated. Very mid-00s indie. It's a bit much.

Children of Men (2006) This film where the UK government rounds up refugees into camps in exaggerated, dystopian fashion while the world of civilisation crumbles around them is set in 2027. Hmm. All the men have gone infertile and there aren't any people being born and the world goes to shit. But it turns out a group of outsiders have a pregnant girl, and they get in touch with a civil servant to try and get her out of the country. I watched this for the first time in ages a few months ago, and was underwhelmed. I liked it more this round. I think I was paying more attention. I think my biggest complaint is it's almost too cinematic. It's a dystopian mess with terrorist bombings and armoured public transport, but a lot of the shots in the city look a bit too detailed and a bit too staged. I don't think I know enough about films to properly assess it. But I don't think the style fits the subject matter.

[mathematics]

14 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Why is something so weird so funny? Why is something so uniquely personal and localised so funny? I don't know, but it is. Actually I do, it's surreal, it's weird, and it's still somehow relatable even if you're not a suspiciously adult-looking man going through an awkward high school phase.