Depression

[scottsdad]

On 04/11/2022 at 14:08, scottsdad said:

My wife is having a real hard time just now.

Her mum went into hospital last week with a diabetes-related illness . Her foot was in danger of needing amputated. My wife is estranged from her mum - she sends a card for her birthday and christmas, but they never speak. 

Yesterday her sister called her - things have gotten serious. We went to the hospital and were told that an infection entered the ulcers on her leg, and is now in her blood. She is not expected to survive. This is messing with my wife quite a bit - she went to the hospital to support her sister and her daughter, both of whom are quite distraught. But she didn't go to "say goodbye" as everyone seems to expect. Aunties and uncles all showing up offering my wife sympathy, and she really feels like she doesn't need it. 

Oh...and her dad - whom she has had no contact with for years - is also in hospital. 

She's really wrestling with the three big things of - what she feels, what she is "supposed" to feel, and how to support others who are affected. 

She died yesterday, whilst the wife and I were visiting. 

Whilst she was a bit sad at the time, she was a good support to her sisters. 

Now our attention turns to the arrangements, of which her mum had made absolutely no plans. She apparently told one of my wife's sisters what she wants done, but it is left to us and another of my wife's sisters to arrange and pay for the thing. This is causing a whole bunch of stress now. 

[thistledo]

2 hours ago, scottsdad said:

She died yesterday, whilst the wife and I were visiting. 

Whilst she was a bit sad at the time, she was a good support to her sisters. 

Now our attention turns to the arrangements, of which her mum had made absolutely no plans. She apparently told one of my wife's sisters what she wants done, but it is left to us and another of my wife's sisters to arrange and pay for the thing. This is causing a whole bunch of stress now. 

Sorry to hear this man, difficult situation for the missus and yourself, regardless of what thoughts anyone has it's never a situation you want to experience. 

 

[TxRover]

6 hours ago, scottsdad said:

She died yesterday, whilst the wife and I were visiting. 

Whilst she was a bit sad at the time, she was a good support to her sisters. 

Now our attention turns to the arrangements, of which her mum had made absolutely no plans. She apparently told one of my wife's sisters what she wants done, but it is left to us and another of my wife's sisters to arrange and pay for the thing. This is causing a whole bunch of stress now. 

A difficult time, hope it’s better in the UK than here in ‘Murica. Huge pressure to upgrade details, pressure to agree NOW, etc.  listen to what she wanted and, if possible, you deal with it, as you are less vulnerable to emotional blackmail than your wife and her sisters. It’s a bit weird, but anytime you and she are feeling stress on this matter, remember that her mother really isn’t bothered about it, and it’ll get done in due time, the rush is somewhat artificial.

Found something useful from the Government after all:

https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies
 

Very glad your wife was able work through the conflicts to be there to support her sisters, and your daughter!

[velo army]

On 06/11/2022 at 12:12, Karpaty Lviv said:

Anyone good for a DM? I’m just looking for some advise, and to rant, I’m just wanting an opinion from someone who doesn’t know me

Anytime pal. 

[velo army]

I've been having a bit of a shite time recently, mainly as I've no friends up here, I work on my own and my head is barely above water financially. It's mainly the loneliness though. It feels desperate and painful at times and I jump two-footed into addictions every few days (mainly alcohol, coffee, junk food or porn).  

I've been watching this documentary by renowned psychiatrist and general guid cVnt Gabor Mate (last name rhymes with latte) and some of the things he has to say about addiction and the route of depression are profound and hugely helpful to me. I find when I'm feeling emotionally blocked I'll watch emotional movies or listen to stuff like this (Brene Brown is another favourite).

The Wisdom of Trauma Movie - The Wisdom Of Trauma

The link is above and is available for the next 36 hours. The documentary is barely over an hour. Anyone who wants to watch is welcome to it.

[scottsdad]

Probably the wrong thread, but I am a bit worried that I can't seem to switch off. Unless I am not only busy, but frantically managing loads of stuff all at once, I get really uneasy. 

It's happening now. In terms of work, things are winding down. Teaching done, grants submitted, papers out - all good, all the result of months of hard work. But a couple of afternoons this week I have found myself with less to do than normal and I'm finding it hard to just relax and take it easier. Even at weekends and evenings I keep thinking about the next project, the next issue. It's like my mind is actively looking for something to occupy it all the time. Helping my wife through her mum's funeral took loads of energy and I just took it all without a thought. 

Even when my wife was away last month, I couldn't just take the time to relax. I kept working but added in decorating the hall and working in the garden, too. 

My hope is that when the Christmas break comes around I am able to quieten my mind down and just relax for a bit. 

[mathematics]

Buy a hard jigsaw.

[scottsdad]

3 minutes ago, mathematics said:

Buy a hard jigsaw.

I can only find cardboard ones

[mathematics]

13 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

I can only find cardboard ones

This one might get you hard.

https://pxpuzzles.com/featured/1-naughty-nun-jt-photodesign.html?product=puzzle&puzzleType=puzzle-18-24

[mathematics]

Just realised what thread I’m on. Make sure to take a break, spend some time with the wife and kids/pets. The grants, papers, and mewling students can wait.

[Richey Edwards]

On 08/12/2012 at 00:08, Richey Edwards said:

I am currently signed off work with severe depression, and have suffered from it for a number of years but things came to a head about a month ago when I decided that I was going to end my own life. I'm still not sure whether I'm lucky or unlucky to have been found before I could do it.

It's easy for people who have never experienced depression to belittle it as something you can just "snap out" of, but when you no longer enjoy or see any value in anything that is not possible and nothing positive makes sense to you.

I was thinking earlier in the week that around this time 10 years ago I was struggling massively. I have come back a decade later to answer this question - yes, I was lucky.

I thought that life was not worth living anymore, and that I had wasted my chances to become better than what I was. That was not true. There are too many things to list that I would have missed out on if I had not been prevented from hanging myself by a complete stranger.

Here is a few of the things I would have never got to experience:

1. Getting into unversity to study Mental Health Nursing.

2. Seeing my nephew grow up.

3. Learning to drive.

4. Meeting my ex-girlfriend. We may have broken up now, but that was a really fantastic time in my life.

5. Ayr United winning the league in 2017/18.

 

I was in my early 20s when I posted that. The idea that nothing positive will happen in your life when you're that young is ridiculous. It's never too late for good things to happen.

It's going to eventually become my job to promote recovery in other people's lives. I know that recovery from mental illness is possible, because I am evidence of that. 

If you're struggling, don't give up. You have so much to offer, no matter who you are or how you feel.

Jamie xxxxxxxx

[Jacksgranda]

Lovely to read that.

[TxRover]

On 24/10/2022 at 03:41, VincentGuerin said:

Anyone heard from @Hoose Rice

Catching up and noticed this with no feedback. Took a look, and it shows a visit 4 hours ago, so no activity, but visits…hopefully all is well.

[thistledo]

20 hours ago, scottsdad said:

Probably the wrong thread, but I am a bit worried that I can't seem to switch off. Unless I am not only busy, but frantically managing loads of stuff all at once, I get really uneasy. 

It's happening now. In terms of work, things are winding down. Teaching done, grants submitted, papers out - all good, all the result of months of hard work. But a couple of afternoons this week I have found myself with less to do than normal and I'm finding it hard to just relax and take it easier. Even at weekends and evenings I keep thinking about the next project, the next issue. It's like my mind is actively looking for something to occupy it all the time. Helping my wife through her mum's funeral took loads of energy and I just took it all without a thought. 

Even when my wife was away last month, I couldn't just take the time to relax. I kept working but added in decorating the hall and working in the garden, too. 

My hope is that when the Christmas break comes around I am able to quieten my mind down and just relax for a bit. 

Can really relate to this, my life is normally a 100 mile an hour and only really take time off when the missus has been pestering me for ages to do so. In fact it's coming up next week. We visit her parentals up north west often and often I find myself sitting around their house thinking, I should be working or doing something and can't relax. I've ended up going walks a lot or fishing now, I walked about 10 miles one day without even realising and made it to a pub, which was excellent, chatted rubbish with some locals. The missus even came to pick me up when dinner was ready. 

It's a weird feeling when your brain has time to be alone with it's thoughts, it's mostly when I find anxiety starts to creep in, I start thinking about all the things I might not have done or things that are approaching in the future that I've been otherwise too busy to be concerned about. 

Anyway, I'd highly recommend a big walk, maybe take a rod with you, doesn't matter if you catch fuckall, then end up in a pub somewhere. 

[scottsdad]

1 minute ago, thistledo said:

Can really relate to this, my life is normally a 100 mile an hour and only really take time off when the missus has been pestering me for ages to do so. In fact it's coming up next week. We visit her parentals up north west often and often I find myself sitting around their house thinking, I should be working or doing something and can't relax. I've ended up going walks a lot or fishing now, I walked about 10 miles one day without even realising and made it to a pub, which was excellent, chatted rubbish with some locals. The missus even came to pick me up when dinner was ready. 

It's a weird feeling when your brain has time to be alone with it's thoughts, it's mostly when I find anxiety starts to creep in, I start thinking about all the things I might not have done or things that are approaching in the future that I've been otherwise too busy to be concerned about. 

Anyway, I'd highly recommend a big walk, maybe take a rod with you, doesn't matter if you catch fuckall, then end up in a pub somewhere. 

Funny you should say this. I had a class this morning, and instead of going back to my office I went for a walk. Took about 20 minutes and it really felt good. I'll probably go again this afternoon.It seems to help. The only other time my brain seems to quieten is at the gym, which I have been neglecting a bit lately.

[scottsdad]

14 hours ago, oaksoft said:

 

That did make me chuckle. 

As an aside, I actually know the model in that jigsaw photo. What are the chances of that? 

Pics or...oh.

[thistledo]

8 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Funny you should say this. I had a class this morning, and instead of going back to my office I went for a walk. Took about 20 minutes and it really felt good. I'll probably go again this afternoon.It seems to help. The only other time my brain seems to quieten is at the gym, which I have been neglecting a bit lately.

Aimlessly walking is underrated, a good podcast can be a welcome addition too. 

[TxRover]

18 minutes ago, thistledo said:

Can really relate to this, my life is normally a 100 mile an hour and only really take time off when the missus has been pestering me for ages to do so. In fact it's coming up next week. We visit her parentals up north west often and often I find myself sitting around their house thinking, I should be working or doing something and can't relax. I've ended up going walks a lot or fishing now, I walked about 10 miles one day without even realising and made it to a pub, which was excellent, chatted rubbish with some locals. The missus even came to pick me up when dinner was ready. 

It's a weird feeling when your brain has time to be alone with it's thoughts, it's mostly when I find anxiety starts to creep in, I start thinking about all the things I might not have done or things that are approaching in the future that I've been otherwise too busy to be concerned about. 

Anyway, I'd highly recommend a big walk, maybe take a rod with you, doesn't matter if you catch fuckall, then end up in a pub somewhere. 

I suspect modern life is training our brains like this, and possibly increasing issues like depression because of it. There is so much more mental stimulation everywhere, switching off becomes abnormal feeling.

[thistledo]

3 hours ago, TxRover said:

I suspect modern life is training our brains like this, and possibly increasing issues like depression because of it. There is so much more mental stimulation everywhere, switching off becomes abnormal feeling.

Absolutely, I actually got into a bad pattern of drinking most nights, the weekends became pointlessly drinking rum and watching old movies until like 3am, because everyone was asleep and I just can't switch off. It was just something to do. The weekends flew by, Monday arrives like a darkness, a real low feeling coupled with anxiety. The last three weeks I've barely drank, except the odd beer with a curry at the weekend, low key fairly proud of that. Mondays are less like hell too. 

[TxRover]

15 minutes ago, thistledo said:

Absolutely, I actually got into a bad pattern of drinking most nights, the weekends became pointlessly drinking rum and watching old movies until like 3am, because everyone was asleep and I just can't switch off. It was just something to do. The weekends flew by, Monday arrives like a darkness, a real low feeling coupled with anxiety. The last three weeks I've barely drank, except the odd beer with a curry at the weekend, low key fairly proud of that. Mondays are less like hell too. 

Good point, the TV used to switch off late at night, but now there’s always “something” to watch, if you look long enough or you have a streaming subscription. There is something to the story “The Machine Stops”, that feels somewhat prescient to our current trend of echo chambers and typing vs talking (says the dude, on an iPad, typing this)