Depression

[welshbairn]

On 30/08/2022 at 22:16, The Moonster said:

Just been a shitstorm and the forecast doesn't look great. I hope tomorrow is a better day. 

Really hope it was, and hoping you forgive your Dad a bit, having the three of you along with 3 demented cats staying can't be easy.

[The Moonster]

6 hours ago, welshbairn said:

Really hope it was, and hoping you forgive your Dad a bit, having the three of you along with 3 demented cats staying can't be easy.

It was. The cat showed small signs of improvement and me and the mrs got out to a gig we had booked for months that we had pretty much resigned ourselves to missing. Felt a relief to have a break from the house. I don't hold any ill will towards my dad, and I fully appreciate this must be as difficult for him as it is for us, it's just frustrations showing I think. 

[LondonHMFC]

On 22/08/2022 at 12:02, LondonHMFC said:

I went on Friday for the first time. 50 minutes later and I'd told a stranger more about my life than anyone else I have ever known. It was a surreal feeling. When I got up to leave I felt like a weight had lifted, but she mentioned that it was likely after a few days that my head would start filling with thoughts and feelings about things that were brought up. 

I am well aware it isn't particularly cheap, but would recommend for anyone who is struggling.

So as she said, a few days later I had another anxiety attack. I'd sat down to watch PSV V Rangers (probably a joke to be made here) and the feeling of uneasiness hit incredibly hard. I went to bed and used the Calm app which in truth did absolutely nothing. Said to breathe in for 6 seconds and breathe out for 8. Found that incredibly difficult whilst I was trying to fight back tears. I felt like I had lost complete control, and eventually did sob. I think I found it hard as I didn't know what had triggered it, or what could resolve it. It took about two hours before things felt "normal". Throughout the whole episode, I almost felt drunk, it was a very odd feeling. 

Somewhat annoyingly, the counsellor/therapist wasn't available that following Friday so only saw her last week. Once again though, I felt a real relief leaving, and in truth the first time feeling content in a couple of months. Both times I have been we have covered topics that I didn't ever really think about and I am starting to join a couple of dots. 

@The Moonster hope things are moving in a positive direction! If you ever fancy a chat and putting the world to rights, feel free to message buddy. 

[The Moonster]

10 minutes ago, LondonHMFC said:

So as she said, a few days later I had another anxiety attack. I'd sat down to watch PSV V Rangers (probably a joke to be made here) and the feeling of uneasiness hit incredibly hard. I went to bed and used the Calm app which in truth did absolutely nothing. Said to breathe in for 6 seconds and breathe out for 8. Found that incredibly difficult whilst I was trying to fight back tears. I felt like I had lost complete control, and eventually did sob. I think I found it hard as I didn't know what had triggered it, or what could resolve it. It took about two hours before things felt "normal". Throughout the whole episode, I almost felt drunk, it was a very odd feeling. 

Somewhat annoyingly, the counsellor/therapist wasn't available that following Friday so only saw her last week. Once again though, I felt a real relief leaving, and in truth the first time feeling content in a couple of months. Both times I have been we have covered topics that I didn't ever really think about and I am starting to join a couple of dots. 

@The Moonster hope things are moving in a positive direction! If you ever fancy a chat and putting the world to rights, feel free to message buddy. 

Cheers, things are better this week - been trying to use Tom Hanks "this too shall pass" thought process and not let everything get on top of me. 

Glad to hear counselling is working for you pal, from your posts you seem on top of things even if you don't always feel like it. Keep the heid!

[SlipperyP]

After hitting return on my post on the Heads Gone Thread. It hit me........

Thank you, you are my family , keep strong.

[Jacksgranda]

On 07/09/2022 at 13:42, LondonHMFC said:

So as she said, a few days later I had another anxiety attack. I'd sat down to watch PSV V Rangers (probably a joke to be made here) and the feeling of uneasiness hit incredibly hard. I went to bed and used the Calm app which in truth did absolutely nothing. Said to breathe in for 6 seconds and breathe out for 8. Found that incredibly difficult whilst I was trying to fight back tears. I felt like I had lost complete control, and eventually did sob. I think I found it hard as I didn't know what had triggered it, or what could resolve it. It took about two hours before things felt "normal". Throughout the whole episode, I almost felt drunk, it was a very odd feeling. 

Somewhat annoyingly, the counsellor/therapist wasn't available that following Friday so only saw her last week. Once again though, I felt a real relief leaving, and in truth the first time feeling content in a couple of months. Both times I have been we have covered topics that I didn't ever really think about and I am starting to join a couple of dots. 

@The Moonster hope things are moving in a positive direction! If you ever fancy a chat and putting the world to rights, feel free to message buddy. 

Probably, but we will restrain ourselves!

Glad the therapy is paying off, LHMFC, good luck with it.

[Moomintroll]

Finally climbing out of my latest fight with the dog, stay strong everyone & if you are struggling then please share it with someone.

[welshbairn]

On 07/09/2022 at 13:42, LondonHMFC said:

So as she said, a few days later I had another anxiety attack. I'd sat down to watch PSV V Rangers (probably a joke to be made here) and the feeling of uneasiness hit incredibly hard. I went to bed and used the Calm app which in truth did absolutely nothing. Said to breathe in for 6 seconds and breathe out for 8. Found that incredibly difficult whilst I was trying to fight back tears. I felt like I had lost complete control, and eventually did sob. I think I found it hard as I didn't know what had triggered it, or what could resolve it. It took about two hours before things felt "normal". Throughout the whole episode, I almost felt drunk, it was a very odd feeling. 

Somewhat annoyingly, the counsellor/therapist wasn't available that following Friday so only saw her last week. Once again though, I felt a real relief leaving, and in truth the first time feeling content in a couple of months. Both times I have been we have covered topics that I didn't ever really think about and I am starting to join a couple of dots. 

@The Moonster hope things are moving in a positive direction! If you ever fancy a chat and putting the world to rights, feel free to message buddy. 

Bear in mind that I have zero expertise in this area, and feel no need to reply, but have you seen your GP? It's just that if you're getting anxiety attacks for no reason that you can think of it might be due to a chemical imbalance that drugs could help with, rather than just therapy? Apologies if I'm wildly off base here.

[SlipperyP]

What a tearful experience I just had.

Knowing it was coming, my son turn 10 last week, and ask who's your best friend....

I usually pan him off, before with the likes of Mum & Dad , Sister, but wanted to know to today.

Like him, I'll tell  the tale today, which is hard, much harder than  the Ma, Pa stuff.

I moved back to Scotland  Primary 5 starter....

never knew anybody at school (never had from the last 5 years moving around the world).

Was taken in by Laurie Huchison, yes I'll name him. We became friends, connected like dump  & dumber. Thing is we were the brightest 2 in school.

We played football (him Aberdeen) me (?) this is the thing, I had no team,.....Celtic (my family), 

We done the same shite that all boys do when your that age, even had girl friends (Shelia & Hazel).

Life was as good as I could get, with the shite, Ma dieing.......

We went to high school. He was on different class F2 im G2

All good until one day, David Thornten came up to me in the morning and ask, why I'm here (same place I stood to meet Laurie every day). He say Laurie died yesterday in a car accident. I knocked him out with 1 punch.

My life has been shite since, never ever love folk (never to become close/love)

Sorry for this... 

 

Edited September 24, 2022 by SlipperyP

[SlipperyP]

There is a story of me being kidnaps by an Italian man......

but @Jacksgranda ink needs a refreshing (he doing my story) 

Edited September 24, 2022 by SlipperyP

[Bert Raccoon]

I'll look forward to my signed copy 

[LondonHMFC]

On 18/09/2022 at 18:01, welshbairn said:

Bear in mind that I have zero expertise in this area, and feel no need to reply, but have you seen your GP? It's just that if you're getting anxiety attacks for no reason that you can think of it might be due to a chemical imbalance that drugs could help with, rather than just therapy? Apologies if I'm wildly off base here.

Honestly, it wasn't something I even thought about. I get on fairly well with my GP, but I'm not entirely sure how I'd feel about going to him with something. I can't remember if I said previously, but for whatever reason, I definitely find it more difficult to open up and chat to men, opposed to women. My counsellor that I have is probably of similar ages, and I can chat away to her with no issue at all. The brain is a strange thing. 

Certainly been feeling better over the past couple of weeks, but will most definitely carry on with the sessions. Finding them to be a massive benefit. 

[Kejan]

I know this might fall on deaf ears to folk who are struggling, but after a hellish 18 months of ongoing iron problems - don't seem to know what it is ; keep losing iron/needing IVs. Had scopies, CT scan, gluten/b12/celiac etc tests and its still an on going process - but I geniuenly thought I was on the way out in the summer. Still don't hae a clue what is wrong with me, but I've just stopped worrying about what you cannot control now!

And its so intoxicating! I've just decided to not to worry about life. Look at people in their day to day lifes - no one of us have a clue what we are doing. I'm not saying be a dick, but be a good person. Although easier said that done, a lot of folk were saying to me in the summer, just forget about life etc and enjoy it ; and I finally am. But it can be a huge slog at times, its tiring, hard work, many jobs are pish and co-workers can at times be either great or absolute cuntos (most are good).

How the f**k am I only realising this at 38.

And see the ones that aren't blagging it, and think they are the bees! They are usually boring as f**k too. Don't give a shite about anyone you don't like ; don't know or cannot be fecked with - be polite though ; and love yourself - and the ones who care for you.

A bit new age hippy etc, and a lot easier said that done - aka be happy but I think for the last 10 years I've been a bit passive about life, and its wild, opening your eyes are realising its no bad at all and also, life is a lot more fun when you are happy. 

No idea if this will be any use, but for anyone with social anxiety/issues about being perceived, speaking a second language too. Do what you can and if you are confident, honestly people will come to you!

Again hard to do, and it took me to think I was dying to realise that life is so silly to be worrying about what some c**t down the road thinks of you. I aslo don't want to be the overly happy/too happy guy ; a happy medium I hope but right now the last few weeks have been some of the best days of my life. And to anyone not feeling it right now, it can get better! It will! It's scary pushing yourself a bit if you've been a bit subdued etc ; but honestly, just laugh - look at people - we are all winging it!

[welshbairn]

On 01/10/2022 at 22:01, Kejan said:

I know this might fall on deaf ears to folk who are struggling, but after a hellish 18 months of ongoing iron problems - don't seem to know what it is ; keep losing iron/needing IVs. Had scopies, CT scan, gluten/b12/celiac etc tests and its still an on going process - but I geniuenly thought I was on the way out in the summer. Still don't hae a clue what is wrong with me, but I've just stopped worrying about what you cannot control now!

And its so intoxicating! I've just decided to not to worry about life. Look at people in their day to day lifes - no one of us have a clue what we are doing. I'm not saying be a dick, but be a good person. Although easier said that done, a lot of folk were saying to me in the summer, just forget about life etc and enjoy it ; and I finally am. But it can be a huge slog at times, its tiring, hard work, many jobs are pish and co-workers can at times be either great or absolute cuntos (most are good).

How the f**k am I only realising this at 38.

And see the ones that aren't blagging it, and think they are the bees! They are usually boring as f**k too. Don't give a shite about anyone you don't like ; don't know or cannot be fecked with - be polite though ; and love yourself - and the ones who care for you.

A bit new age hippy etc, and a lot easier said that done - aka be happy but I think for the last 10 years I've been a bit passive about life, and its wild, opening your eyes are realising its no bad at all and also, life is a lot more fun when you are happy. 

No idea if this will be any use, but for anyone with social anxiety/issues about being perceived, speaking a second language too. Do what you can and if you are confident, honestly people will come to you!

Again hard to do, and it took me to think I was dying to realise that life is so silly to be worrying about what some c**t down the road thinks of you. I aslo don't want to be the overly happy/too happy guy ; a happy medium I hope but right now the last few weeks have been some of the best days of my life. And to anyone not feeling it right now, it can get better! It will! It's scary pushing yourself a bit if you've been a bit subdued etc ; but honestly, just laugh - look at people - we are all winging it!

Not really a reply to your post, but people can get too concerned about happiness, eg. if they're not, there's something wrong. I jumped up and down like a yoyo when I was younger from suicidal to ecstatic, most of the time being mildly miserable. After a while I was able to remind myself that being mildly miserable wasn't too bad, even when I was going through ecstatic or suicidal episodes. I've happily remained mildly miserable for about the last 20 years.

Your medical stuff is obviously on a different level, I assume they've found a low cell count in your blood, both white and red? It's just that my mother got that diagnosis a few weeks ago and they put her on an iron drip that's supposed to last 6 weeks, but she goes white faced and weak every time she stands up, and I'm wondering if they gave you a way of testing how you are? The hospital decided she was too old (94) to risk invasive methods to find out what was causing it, (rectal tumours was a theory). She's also got heart trouble which at 94 is probably normal, but her sister is 107 and we're going for the record here! Sorry to link this to your situation at 38, it's a totally .different scenario

Edited October 3, 2022 by welshbairn

[Bairnardo]

Not really a reply to your post, but people can get too concerned about happiness, eg. if they're not, there's something wrong. I jumped up and down like a yoyo when I was younger from suicidal to ecstatic, most of the time being mildly miserable. After a while I was able to remind myself that being mildly miserable wasn't too bad, even when I was going through ecstatic or suicidal episodes. I've happily remained mildly miserable for about the last 20 years.
Your medical stuff is obviously on a different level, I assume they've found a low cell count in your blood, both white and red? It's just that my mother got that diagnosis a few weeks ago and they put her on an iron drip that's supposed to last 6 weeks, but she goes white faced and weak every time she stands up, and I'm wondering if they gave you a way of testing how you are? The hospital decided she was too old (94) to risk invasive methods to find out what was causing it, (rectal tumours was a theory). She's also got heart trouble which at 94 is probably normal, but her sister is 107 and we're going for the record here! Sorry to link this to your situation at 38, it's a totally .different scenario

I really think there is something in your first bit.

The "its ok to not be ok" message somewhat seeks to address this but iv always had the impression it seeks to deal with its ok to have depression. Which is a good thing of course but......


Its also ok, healthy and normal to be feel down and shite for extended periods of time. Some of the hands life deals are real fucking shiters and the expectation some folk seem to have that they shouldn't feel sad about it or it means there's something wrong are unmeetable IMO.

Iv had this conversation with my wife before when she was on about being miserable but we had a run of a right few arsehole things happens and things changing in our lives, and I was saying to here then.... Look at our lives atm. Of course we are below the waterline. Life can be and often is, fucking hard. Not everything means there is something wrong with you, sometimes you just can't stand against the current no matter how strong you are.

Honestly think in this day and age people forget to give themselves a break and allow the bottom of the humans natural emotional curve to carry them just as they do the top.

[scottsdad]

Agree totally with @welshbairn and @Bairnardo. There is too much emphasis on happiness in the media and, especially, social media.

If I were to describe myself, I would say I am content most of the time. Not overly happy, rarely sad, just content with stuff.

These "Live, laugh, love" people really do not help. Too many people equate wellbeing and happiness.

[Kejan]

Great posts you twa Bairns I'll reply to you later on Welshie, but appreciate your post and hope your mum is OK. 38/94 all good to me, I'm actually 39, feeling so good I'm shaving years of my age

 

 

Edited October 4, 2022 by Kejan

[Bairnardo]

Agree totally with [mention=30062]welshbairn[/mention] and [mention=68117]Bairnardo[/mention]. There is too much emphasis on happiness in the media and, especially, social media.
If I were to describe myself, I would say I am content most of the time. Not overly happy, rarely sad, just content with stuff.
These "Live, laugh, love" people really do not help. Too many people equate wellbeing and happiness.

It's hard for me to articulate what I mean here, just trying to get it right....

But further to what I said and your reply, I just think theres a problem in today's society where people assume that intermittent unhappiness means there is/was something wrong with them, and then when they inevitably turn back upwards based on the circumstances of their life, they think they have beaten depression with some sort of social media inspired, "positive mental attitude" type thing.

Not trying to be hard on anyone or anything here, but I think a general refusal to accept that sometimes you are just down, because life is fucking hard a lot of the time, it sort of feeds into the rather toxic notion that depression and mental illness are things to be "snapped out of" etc.

[Stellaboz]

100% agree there.

I learned a few years ago that I tend to go through cycles of feeling happy or sad or whatever the labels on the spectrum. 

[Lyle Lanley]

54 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

100% agree there.

I learned a few years ago that I tend to go through cycles of feeling happy or sad or whatever the labels on the spectrum. 

Yeah a couple of times in the week. I sometimes feel sad and need to be on my own for a while until i stop feeling sad. 

Edited October 4, 2022 by Lyle Lanley