Widge Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 Guys please this is a thread to show my brilliance, let's not clog it up with average at best players. #FMhero Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barra93 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Good job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CGR Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Wow don't flatter myself I took a recently relegated team who had lost several key players had only two centre backs no back up keepers no left backs and the majority of the squad disapointed about me being the manager then when I did make signings they were shit bar one(who is injured) a defence who have only 3 clean sheets in november and are top of the league by 8 points ^^^ next manager of St Mirren. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Season 2015/16 Part 1 Right so after a very successful season has passed, I was straight on the phone to my head scout. Scout - "Hey boss, what's up?" Widge - "Weeesht for a sec and listen up, I'm after the league, so go and find me players who will win the league, got that you absolute dolthead, don't even think about recommending to me that I sign Josh Magennis, I will fire your ass quicker than a McFadden thunderbolt, comprende?" Scout - "Uhhh.......ummmm.....yes boss, Mr Widge, yes sir. You still wanting to bring back ex players, cause I see that Clevland Taylor is a free agent." Widge - "Seriously......ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS!!!! I swear to God, Allah and every other deity, I will find you and I will kill you if you think that's a good idea, no we've had some great players in recent time, f**k it maybe I can cobble together the 8 million I'd need to bring back Stevie May..... *silence on the line* ........on second thought nah, he was a selfish bugger, anyway I want at least 1 ex player, so make that happen, ok!" Scout - "Hey boss, Nick McKoy has been bailed, he'd be available." Widge - "f**k OFF!!!!!!" *Hangs up phone* So my scout was sent out to see the glorious sights of the world, well mostly England and lower league matchs, but he got a cheeky wee scouting trip to sunny Spain, which paid dividends for me. As it is I've been fairly quiet in the window and that's where I shall start, the transfers, since at the end of the day, it's important to know the players I've got to work with and yes, I shouted at my scout long enough and got my wish. Not even 1 ex player, but 2, hawd me back btw, Earth shattering stuff and actually I'm pleased with them both and my other signings... No real surprises in the out column, overpaid, shite and aging players have gone. Wright was being a bitch, not that I would tell him that, cause he's fucking huge. Croft was about 5 stone overweight after his injury and was eating too much for us to sustain. The youngsters have gone out on loan, so hopefully get some playing time. Tell you what, times have changed when saints are loaning other top teir teams our youngsters. There you go Itdrk, happy now, at least he's playing!!! No for the ins.... Connolly - numero uno of the ex players, yeah ok I'm stretching that one a little, but who could forget his 45 minute cameo at Hamilton when on loan and his guns blazing, lets hurt folk attitude towards Rangers. I've lost a brick shithouse in Wright, so I took Kilmarnocks instead, which is a tad ironic, since he's probably the best centreback they've had since Frazer. So yeah 200kish was a good deal for me, plus it means I can punt Scobbie from the first team. *fist clench* Abeid - numero dueoeueo, yup the Algerian wizard is back at McDiarmid, happy days, I wanted to sign him permanently, yeah, nah that wasn't happening, it's still a Brown I've got as a chairman. Still I'm very excited by him, he'll slot into the attacking midfielder spot and I'm gona let him o what ever the hell he wants, plus it'll mean less game time for McFadden, which is only a good thing, since he can only play about 4 games a year now!! Mina - he's a quick striker from Spain, who'll hopefully give me a it of impetus upfront, he was meant to be my first choice number 9, but Kane scuppered that for him, not that I can, he still gets game time. Osborn - Young midfielder on loan, he was brought in to ease a midfield injury crisis, but he's found himself in the team a fair amount cause I like him, nothing more nothing less. So these are the players I've gone with, obviously I was in Europe from our exploits last season, here's how the games went.... So Midtisthiodhsfkjl (However you spell it), the Norwegians proved a good test, luckily we prevailed, got a bit shit in trousers in the second leg, but we deserved the win in the end. Next up scenic Iceland, as a seeded team which was quite nice, KR were beaten easily enough, that said I did very much enjoy my fermented shark and foosty flavoured milk, it was quite a place. I should know I've been before, but yeah we won, that's the main thing. So for a place in the group stages we were paired with Vit. Guimarse (sp??) Well that was pretty tight wasn't it. Apparently we were favourites, aye right ok then, they had a strong team for sure and probably should have won the home leg, but we dug in. We knew we'd have a tough challenge in Portugal, much like last season, but we got a great start, fired in two goals and it was then a case of simply trying not to lose, which we managed. That led to this.... f**k that shit!! :lol: If I get 3 points I'll be pleased, Iker Munian is on almost 3 times my weekly budget a week, this is gonna be interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SharkSharkShark Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Tuff group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 So here's the results up until the start of November... So yeah......ummm...rather well I guess I could say. I'm utterly stunned by my team, I'll not single anyone in particular out, but Chris Kane has been the one to fire in the goals, I was worried we might struggle in that department, but no. Here's hoping it can continue, cause the league is so open this year, since Celtic sold all their players and currently have 1 single senior centreback. So yup, I'm top, but the league is still really tight, indeed I've played a bit further on and there's 4 teams within 5 points of each other at the top, so it's all very much to play for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SharkSharkShark Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Look class this season Widge. 1-1 with Dnipro is a great result and unbeaten in the league! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Part 2 So into the second quarter of the season we go, this will play us up until the beginning of January, so I'll update transfers in the next update. Well that's if my lazy ass scout even gets of his arse, since I gave him a new contract, all he's done is tell me to sign Gary Harkins, David Clarkson and Lee Miller. b*****d is annoying me, plus I'm constantly on coaching courses myself so don't have the time to watch these games. Think I'm up to National A level, so yeah I'm getting there as a coach, think of me as a cross between hard man Tommy Wright, Bunnet wearing Dick Campbell and the cuntish Derek Adams. I am turning a few heads mind, then again maybe because I'm Giroud levels of attractiveness!! Right enough ego stroking..... Hmmmm.....very much a mixed bag, but actually, take out the European results and it's only 3 losses in the league, still in the cups and still going well in the league. The things is we're very good at beating the weaker teams at home, look at those last 2 results, destroyed them both in the first half and then didn't bother in the second, which really annoyed me. The top teams are all evenly matched if truth be told, any of the top 6 are a potential loss waiting to happen, the bottom 6 not so much, we should be taking care of them easily enough... So top we are, I just cannot for the love of me , shake Dundee United, who are being dragged kicking and screaming by Nadir Ciftci, if I was Celtic, I'd just sign him, but hey, I play with one striker and Chris Kane has a better ratio in the league. Speaking of Celtic, they're still hopeless, I cannot for a minute fathom why they haven't punted Ronny, he's so far out his depth, his transfers were laughable and he's demoted Stokes, Griffiths and Forrest all to the reserves for moaning. If there's to be a new Premiership champion this season, it's going to be this one whilst both old firm teams are on their knees and there for the taking. Rangers star signing was Paul McGinn for goodness sakes. I'm well up for the title push, so much so that now I'm out of Europe, I may even rest players for the cup games, a big risk I know, but I've got lower league teams in both the next rounds. I guess I should show the Europa League table.... Predictably pumped, think it shows you how screwed I was that Athletic Bilbao didn't even qualify, I did however take a great sense of satisfaction scoring a late equaliser to deny them the win they needed to get through. With that I was called in to see the big man.... Steve Brown - "What the hell happened with the European group, I wanted to win a few games, it makes us money." Widge - "With all due respect Stevie, did I get us enough money from it. Yes. Did you get a jolly piss up with Roddy. Yes. Did you get to shag those Ukrainian lassies after getting cocked up and pished on vodka. Yes. So quit you whining and give me more cash so I can spend it!!" SB - "Yeah....about that, the coffers are empty, those hookers weren't cheap. Ohh yeah and Roddy has developed George O'Boyle levels of addiction. So sorry." *Widge storms out* Widge - *Mutters* "Fucking tool, didn't even invite me to see the hookers, ohh no I had to train the players!!* (I should say all of this is make believe in my weird little fantasised world, before Steve Lomas like lawyer speak turns up!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomGuy. Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 How did your squad cope with the schedule due to these European games? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 How did your squad cope with the schedule due to these European games? I was playing like 3 games in 7 days at points, but I still basically stuck to the same team each game with a few changes. Think I helped I brought in a good fitness coach and basically spent months doing fitness training. Not ideal but I don't think I used a player under 88% fitness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Of all the managers to have a shocking record against, my nemesis.......John "Yogi" Hughes!!! Think it's 1 win, 2 draws and 5 losses. I hate that man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 *Ring Ring* GMS - "Hello, Gary Mackay-Stevens here." Widge - "Hey Gary, it's Widge here, I can't help but notice you're still without a club and would love to offer you the chance to sign for St Johnstone." GMS - "I'd rather be unemployed." Widge - "That's an incredibly frustrating attitude you've got, I can offer you a decent wage, we're top of the league, still in both cups and if you'd have signed when I first approached you, you'd have probably played in Europe too. If you want to add to your current Scotland caps, need to be playing, chances are you can use us a stepping board. So what do you say?" GMS - "Yeah.....nah, I'm still good. Thanks for the offer. Good Bye." *GMS Hangs up* Widge - "What the actual f**k........Callum, get me That useless head scout in here, I still need another fucking player for my squad and that cheating DAB isn't having any of it. Same cause we don't win enough penalties for Mackay to score." *Slams fist down and throws a tantrum.* It was only a fucking trial as well!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomGuy. Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 High profile players do generally reject trials, in all fairness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YassinMoutaouakil Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 MacKay Steven refused to even speak to me at Motherwell before going to 9th placed Inverness for a grand a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Ohh he'll talk to me, as I let me try and convince him to join and then becomes an utter twat. Anyway I've just received this email. To : thegaffersjfc@gmail.com From : secretseven@hotmail.co.uk Subject : Slight Concerns Dear Mr Widge, We at the Secret Seven couldn't help but notice that you directly applied for the vacant managerial position at Southampton. We understand that we're a fairly small team and have a small budget, but we're a bit disappointed that you actively sought a move away. Of course we believe that us at saints, not the English one can continue to grow. We want to express our delight at the team right now, we're playing really well and are rightfully top in out eyes, so no complaints there. Well maybe it's be nice to play a more attractive brand of football. The second point is regarding your current pursuit of Mackay-Steven. I for one and the group agree have a firm dislike of him as a player. Which stems from his constant "play acting" whilst at our rivals on Tayside. If you believe he can add something to the team I'll trust your judgement; however Simon Lappin has been excellent on the left this season and I'm not sure adding a potential primadona to our close squad is wise. I'll leave it at that and look forward to our next group meeting with yourself and the chairman. But please think carefully about our career, you're sitting on the cusp of something great at St Johnstone. Yours truly The Ghost of Jim Morton and the Secret Seven. (Ohh I hope he doesn't read that. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomGuy. Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Can't believe its not Ghostie if theres not a shite poem somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave1875 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Signed GMS in my second season at Hibs after winning promotion. Sadly he's been pretty meh, injured quite a bit so Kennedy usually picked ahead of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YassinMoutaouakil Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 This should be really really cringey but for some reason I'm finding it hilarious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perthsaint1977 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I'm in tatters reading this. Utterly tremendous and one every saints fan should read . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binos123sam Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 ^^^ next manager of St Mirren. div would be astonished Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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