The_Kincardine Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I hope you didn't do a beckham & call the kid Bagfield? Grimbo No but we did buy her a silver egg slicer when she was christened. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an_dee Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Most cars I've had. In a T reg saxo my ex had was a regular occurrence when she picked me up drunk, including outside tay towers one night. Only once in a 206 we had that took place on a country road about 20 minutes from Prestwick airport, I had been in Cork for a month for work. We had a corsa, a vectra and a Honda civic that were also all christened. Only car we had that wasnt was a Picasso we replaced the civic with. The reason that wasn't is pretty obvious! Anyone had a blow job whilst driving?? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I've got a good car sex related story. About 10 years ago I got myself into a stupid relationship as a teenager and ended up living with a girl a few years older than me. It started off great but after 6 months it turned out she was a nutter and our relationship was shite. Now that Ive got the disclaimer out the way for my behaviour........ I asked a female friend of mine if she would have any friends who were up for a good time to relieve my boredom. I expected to get told to bolt but to my amazement she had a friend who fitted the bill, who knew me and seemed quite keen. So she hooked us up and I picked the girl up one night and had my wicked way with her in the car. I'd preplanned this adultery and I had spare clothes in a bag in the car, boxers etc included. After dropping the girl off I headed back to the scene of the crime (behind a factory) to get changed into my fresh clothes. Literally as I pulled on the fresh boxers the Fucking cops pulled up!!!! They asked me why I didn't have trousers on and, fearing a stint on the register, I had to think fast. I then told the cops that I had just finished work and, at this time of night, this was the safest place to go for a jog and I was simply changing from work clothes into running gear. They bought this and said their goodbyes and left. Sadly though they only drove about 50 yards away and parked. So I had to go a jog for about half an hour (to make it look realistic) lapping this factory as they just sat there, clearly not believing a word I had said. Looking back I should've just told them the truth about the girl. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Also - a fellow Killie fan got down about 5 years ago for having sex with a car. Not in a car, with a car. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadasdillinger Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I've got a good car sex related story. About 10 years ago I got myself into a stupid relationship as a teenager and ended up living with a girl a few years older than me. It started off great but after 6 months it turned out she was a nutter and our relationship was shite. Now that Ive got the disclaimer out the way for my behaviour........ I asked a female friend of mine if she would have any friends who were up for a good time to relieve my boredom. I expected to get told to bolt but to my amazement she had a friend who fitted the bill, who knew me and seemed quite keen. So she hooked us up and I picked the girl up one night and had my wicked way with her in the car. I'd preplanned this adultery and I had spare clothes in a bag in the car, boxers etc included. After dropping the girl off I headed back to the scene of the crime (behind a factory) to get changed into my fresh clothes. Literally as I pulled on the fresh boxers the Fucking cops pulled up!!!! They asked me why I didn't have trousers on and, fearing a stint on the register, I had to think fast. I then told the cops that I had just finished work and, at this time of night, this was the safest place to go for a jog and I was simply changing from work clothes into running gear. They bought this and said their goodbyes and left. Sadly though they only drove about 50 yards away and parked. So I had to go a jog for about half an hour (to make it look realistic) lapping this factory as they just sat there, clearly not believing a word I had said. Looking back I should've just told them the truth about the girl. That's brilliant You should have thought of it as a wee lap of victory. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an_dee Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Also - a fellow Killie fan got down about 5 years ago for having sex with a car. Not in a car, with a car.Please explain?? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Please explain?? He thought that he was an Alfa Romeo. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bairn Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Does getting raped off a taxi driver count? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bairn Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) With my last girlfriend the first ever time we did it was in her car, she was driving and picked me up drunk after a night out, headed up to an industrial estate car park with a McDonald's, ate our McDonalds and then got to it, as you can imagine it was very romantic ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Still a better love story than twilight Edited June 17, 2015 by Mr Bairn 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I had sex wi a bird in a car and lost the condom wrapper. Not so bad but the car was my dads ???????? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Where I used to live I used to walk my dog round the back of a matalan and one evening they must've been getting a refit as I could hear the shop fitters radio and a van was present. Next night I'm out again wi pooch and theirs a car parked near the matalan goods entrance. I assume it's 1 of the shop fitters car and think nothing of it as I continue. Just as I get about 10 feet from the car I notice the steamy windows and the silhouette of a lady bouncing on a fella. What a fucking panic I get in as I'm standing there walking a dog watching a couple have sexy time. Their is no way anyone in the world is going to believe I'm not doing what this looks like. I very slowly walk away trying not to catch the ladys attention but luckily for me she's too busy with her friend. I can laugh about it now, but this was a proper case of wrong place wrong time. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an_dee Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Where I used to live I used to walk my dog round the back of a matalan and one evening they must've been getting a refit as I could hear the shop fitters radio and a van was present. Next night I'm out again wi pooch and theirs a car parked near the matalan goods entrance. I assume it's 1 of the shop fitters car and think nothing of it as I continue. Just as I get about 10 feet from the car I notice the steamy windows and the silhouette of a lady bouncing on a fella. What a fucking panic I get in as I'm standing there walking a dog watching a couple have sexy time. Their is no way anyone in the world is going to believe I'm not doing what this looks like. I very slowly walk away trying not to catch the ladys attention but luckily for me she's too busy with her friend. I can laugh about it now, but this was a proper case of wrong place wrong time. Aye so many things could have gone wrong there and try and explain that one to the wife. "This black eye it was there when I left" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Also - a fellow Killie fan got down about 5 years ago for having sex with a car. Not in a car, with a car. Exhausted? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 In 3 of my last 4 cars yes. Still to christen the current car. As lichtie1320 says as a teenager its a necessity when your too busy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I done it in a rover 205 and a Renault 19... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Where I used to live I used to walk my dog round the back of a matalan and one evening they must've been getting a refit as I could hear the shop fitters radio and a van was present. Next night I'm out again wi pooch and theirs a car parked near the matalan goods entrance. I assume it's 1 of the shop fitters car and think nothing of it as I continue. Just as I get about 10 feet from the car I notice the steamy windows and the silhouette of a lady bouncing on a fella. What a fucking panic I get in as I'm standing there walking a dog watching a couple have sexy time. Their is no way anyone in the world is going to believe I'm not doing what this looks like. I very slowly walk away trying not to catch the ladys attention but luckily for me she's too busy with her friend. I can laugh about it now, but this was a proper case of wrong place wrong time. I've always wondered what dogging entailed 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I've always wondered what dogging entailed Get a dog and check out Falkirk Matalan at night. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I've always wondered what dogging entailed 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim O'Grady Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 lard.jpg I used to work for Bolton Council when Phoenix Nights was on, I actually went to a punk night at St Greg's social club, where they filmed Phoenix Nights but that's by the by, that character was called Keith Lard the fire safety officer. Well at the council the real safety officer was called Keith Laird, he looks f**k all like that character, he had more of a 70's porn star look with shoulder length black hair & a tasche. But he took channel 4 to task for defamation of character. He got a tidy wad off them & gave some of it to the fire brigade or some fire safety campaign. Grimbo 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 My dad used to drive DAFs. Fortunately he never bought a second hand jizz stained 44 off a fat Manc... My mate bought a Nissan Micra off a bloke he knew. The passenger side wing mirror had a stick on mirror over the original and the story went that the owner had been shagging his bird when her stilleto heel broke the original mirror. There were cigarette burns on the back seat so perhaps that was caused by post-coital smoking. My ex had a D reg Vauxhall Cavalier- it was a roomy enough car but I never found there was enough space for it to be a proper shaggin' wagon. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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