Fide Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 13 hours ago, Jamaldo said: What's an ISIS fighter's favourite main course? Raqqa lamb. Where did Saddam Hussein keep his DVD's? In iraq. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 1 hour ago, Fide said: Where did Saddam Hussein keep his DVD's? In iraq. Where did Hitler keep his armies? In his sleevies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fide Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac is marrying William Shatner and is keeping her name but taking his. So she'll be Stevie Shatner-Nicks. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weewilliewinky Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 spock his three ears....left right and final front ear. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weewilliewinky Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 i would hate to be on the uss enterprise all you do is circle your anus whilst wiping out cling ons. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fide Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Why did the Dalai Lama go into Ladbrokes? Tibet. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamaldo Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 What do you call Alasdair who works behind the cold meat counter at the supermarket?Deli Ali. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weewilliewinky Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 he gets a stauner in hiz finger and cums oot hiz mooth....weird 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Don’t you hate it when those born again Christians come to your door and ask if you’d like Jesus to come into your life ? The best answer is “ yes but you can wait outside “ What do gardeners do when they retire ? I failed my driving test for stalling . The instructor said “ just get into the f**king car will you “ RIP Sean Hughes 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willie adie Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 On 15/10/2017 at 08:28, Fide said: Where did Saddam Hussein keep his DVD's? In iraq. He used to keep the in Iraq. Now they are where tariq azis 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I work with a Chinese guy called Jiang and one night at a works do, we were having a drink and I said to him, "Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"? He replied "Jiang's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife." 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Have you heard about the new film "constipation"? No? That's because it hasn't come out yet 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallo_Madrid Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 (edited) I was going to put a Poo joke in here. But then I decided Poo jokes aren't my favourite. Spoiler They're a strong number 2 though. Edited October 20, 2017 by Mallo_Madrid -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Over the last month, I have become a victim of a clever scam whilst out shopping. Simply dropping into my local supermarket turned out for me to be quite an experience! Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works. Two very good looking, maybe 21 year old girls, fit with tanned complexion, come over to your car as you are putting your shopping in the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out their skimpy t-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say "No" but ask you for a lift to a different supermarket. So you agree and they both get in the back seats. On the way there, they start undressing, until both are completely Naked. Then, just when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing, you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet! I've now had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 6th & 7th, twice on 10th and 11th, and once each on the 14th, 15th & 16th, and twice yesterday! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Over the last month, I have become a victim of a clever scam whilst out shopping. Simply dropping into my local supermarket turned out for me to be quite an experience! Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works. Two very good looking, maybe 21 year old girls, fit with tanned complexion, come over to your car as you are putting your shopping in the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out their skimpy t-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say "No" but ask you for a lift to a different supermarket. So you agree and they both get in the back seats. On the way there, they start undressing, until both are completely Naked. Then, just when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing, you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet! I've now had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 6th & 7th, twice on 10th and 11th, and once each on the 14th, 15th & 16th, and twice yesterday! It's a good joke. However your last paragraph should just have read 'I'm now on my 12th wallet' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 3 hours ago, Tenkay said: Over the last month, I have become a victim of a clever scam whilst out shopping. Simply dropping into my local supermarket turned out for me to be quite an experience! Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works. Two very good looking, maybe 21 year old girls, fit with tanned complexion, come over to your car as you are putting your shopping in the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out their skimpy t-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say "No" but ask you for a lift to a different supermarket. So you agree and they both get in the back seats. On the way there, they start undressing, until both are completely Naked. Then, just when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing, you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet! I've now had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 6th & 7th, twice on 10th and 11th, and once each on the 14th, 15th & 16th, and twice yesterday! Where's your local supermarket? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 22 minutes ago, Granny Danger said: Where's your local supermarket? Think of your ticker, Granny. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 4 minutes ago, The DA said: Think of your ticker, Granny. Don't worry. Thinking about things is as far as I get these days. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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