Hedgecutter Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 So, has anyone here ever got into one of those "oh ****, I'm actually gonna die here" moments? If so, this is the place to tell some of your heroic (or just pitiful) tales of misfortune. I personally had one just before Christmas. Was hingin' in to a good 2-inch thick steak which I happened to choke on (forgot the thickness whilst cutting normal size chunks, own fault), getting stuck right down in the upper chest. Thought a good gulp of Malbec might wash it through, but alas, it simply pooled all the way up, making things worse (this was quickly thrown up over the dinner table rather than drowning in a fine red wine). A few good smacks between the shoulder blades from the other half never budged it at all. At that point I genuinely expected it to be the end as I was seriously testing my breath-holding capability after a good minute or so. Thankfully a few good more hard hits gradually dislodged the thing. I now don't enjoy steak half as much as I did before with a current mental block which I hope will disappear asap. Strangely, I never went into full panic mode and instead had a slightly more resigned "so this is how it's going to end huh? - that's a bitch" feel. Also had a caving related one where a usually reliable, 'bomb-proof' rock handhold fell off, leaving me tumbling down a large, heavy waterfall to a terminal sump which I would undoubtedly drowned in, only for a magical rope line (new to everybody) to appear. What Jules in Pulp Fiction would refer to as a 'miracle'. Spent about 10 mins battering back and forward off of the 'Thunderghast Falls' like a rope swing, trying to suss out a way back up. Kind of fun, kind of not. Anyway, over to the masses... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the snudge Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 A couple of near misses in a car. One was heading through to a match with the football team when one of the big trucks with hunners of wheels blew a tyre and swerved towards us as we were overtaking. The driver just put the foot down and a collective sigh of relief was felt. Not very exciting but the only time for a split second I've thought, "f**k we were nearly gone". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Estragon Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I nearly drowned in the sea when I was about 9. Swam out as far as I could, without the foresight to remember I had to get back. The currents started dragging me both out to sea but also down the beach, away from the flagged region watched by the lifeguards. I was too weak and small to make any progress on my own. Ultimately, after I don't know how long - although probably way less than I'd imagine - I was rescued by two lifeguards who must have spotted me by chance. The thing I remember most is the heat on my back as I lay, exhausted, on the beach. I've never since gone out further than I could stand up in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madwullie Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 In my younger more mental days, I was at an all night all day party in Wilton Street in the West End, and we were all sitting out on the roof of a 3 or 4 storey tenement. I was absolutely wasted and thought it was a good idea to jump from one window alcove thing to another. It was only about 2 yards, but if I'd missed or my footing had slipped I'd basically have fallen off the roof. Still get the shivers when I think about how fucking stupid I was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Almost drove a forklift truck off a hydralic loading ramp many moons ago. Didn't realise that it was down, and even if I had I wouldn't have thought such a slight incline would be a problem. I jumped off and had visions of the thing following me down but the 'dead man brake' or whatever they call it kicked in. If that were to happen today the jump into the loading area would probably kill me. Also as a teenager jumped off a milk van in the middle of the road right on to the bonnet of a moving car. A second earlier it would have went over me. TBF it happened so quickly I didn't have the chance to consider what was going to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinclair Street Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Was doing a delivery to a 'Grangemouth' like place in Venice. Arrived at 2am and thought I might as well try and see if I can get delivered. Drew up to the gatehouse, pitch black apart from a small office lamp. Two shadows appeared from it shouting in Italian. Next thing I know I've got two rifles pointed straight at my head by what looked like two Italian Army guys. It's funny how you automatically put your hands up. They told me to 'go away', which I did. Shat myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 I nearly drowned in the sea when I was about 9. Swam out as far as I could, without the foresight to remember I had to get back. The currents started dragging me both out to sea but also down the beach, away from the flagged region watched by the lifeguards. I was too weak and small to make any progress on my own. Presumably a rip current, one of which I got caught at a beach on Harris. Normally you'd think "ooh, I know what this is, I just need to swim along shore for a bit and all will be fine". Of course, all that happens in the moment is "Fuuuuuuuuuuu**!!" (frantic swimming, lots of going back the way) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YHallSaint Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 A talent I excel in Car crash in in my mates MR2 ended up on its roof skidding down the A71 after he hit a kerb going far too fast. Broken leg, broken ribs, concussion, 40 odd stitches and generally sore Fell 25 foot off a roof when a ladder slid out from under me. Broken back, broken coccyx and severe internal bruising Hit by a car in Whitley Bay when working down there after it went through a red light. Broken arm, collarbone, ribs, couple bad cuts another 50 odd stitches Stabbed in Spain and ended up in a coma for 4 days and a couple surgeries but was actually alright a few weeks later Im a jammy git Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Estragon Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Stabbed in Spain and ended up in a coma for 4 days and a couple surgeries but was actually alright a few weeks later Bloody hell. What on earth happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Bloody hell. What on earth happened? He was stabbed. In Spain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsimButtHitsASix Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 A talent I excel in Car crash in in my mates MR2 ended up on its roof skidding down the A71 after he hit a kerb going far too fast. Broken leg, broken ribs, concussion, 40 odd stitches and generally sore Fell 25 foot off a roof when a ladder slid out from under me. Broken back, broken coccyx and severe internal bruising Hit by a car in Whitley Bay when working down there after it went through a red light. Broken arm, collarbone, ribs, couple bad cuts another 50 odd stitches Stabbed in Spain and ended up in a coma for 4 days and a couple surgeries but was actually alright a few weeks later Im a jammy git Am I the only one thinking getting stabbed, falling off roofs and getting hit by cars isnae jammy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Grass Is Greener. Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Absolutely f**k all jammy about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I broke my pinkie once playing karate with my brother when I was 8. I never got to land that roundhouse kick I was preparing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sloop John B Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 My granny almost Barrymored me when she thought I was swimming as a toddler in a pool at a holiday house after I fell in wandering on a narrow ledge. I wasn't and had to get hauled out by my mother. I also knocked myself the f**k out, underwater when I smashed my face off the wall doing a tumble turn whilst at swimming training. Recently I went on safari in South Aand our open topped jeep got started on by a herd of wild elephants (1 massive male, 2 females and 2 calves) firstly the females came over and one got their tusk under the roll cage of the open topped jeep before getting shouted away by the guide after a couple of wobbles. Next the big f**k off male went to the back where I was sitting and as I slowly turned my head it had its trunk raised. We got out of there after revving the engine up but I certainly did not feel like anyone in the jeep was in control of the situation and if it wanted to, the elephant could have taken me. Would have been a pretty cool way to go mind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 My granny almost Barrymored me when she thought I was swimming as a toddler in a pool at a holiday house after I fell in wandering on a narrow ledge. I wasn't and had to get hauled out by my mother. I also knocked myself the f**k out, underwater when I smashed my face off the wall doing a tumble turn whilst at swimming training. Recently I went on safari in South Aand our open topped jeep got started on by a herd of wild elephants (1 massive male, 2 females and 2 calves) firstly the females came over and one got their tusk under the roll cage of the open topped jeep before getting shouted away by the guide after a couple of wobbles. Next the big f**k off male went to the back where I was sitting and as I slowly turned my head it had its trunk raised. We got out of there after revving the engine up but I certainly did not feel like anyone in the jeep was in control of the situation and if it wanted to, the elephant could have taken me. Would have been a pretty cool way to go mind you. You're what, 5 foot and 8 stone? I reckon you could take a bull elephant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 You're what, 5 foot and 8 stone? I reckon you could take a bull elephant. With or without lube? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sloop John B Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 You're what, 5 foot and 8 stone? I reckon you could take a bull elephant. 5 '7'' and 9 stone thank you very much. If the kids and a Raptor in jurrassic park could take a T-Rex you have a very good point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Trying to descend winter corrie in Glen Doll solo and unroped I took a tumble about 30 feet into a water fall, went and went over a couple of times landing on my feet and luckily not my head. Also luckily o only sprained my ankle as it was dark I December by this point and a break would have meant out all night with no shelter. Had to bum slide the final 1000feet back to the Glen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilky1878 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Twice it's happened to me. Once when I was about 7 or 8 I was eating a big cola bottle in the kitchen and it slipped down my throat, I was choking for ages before my gran came through and seen me and started battering my back. She always tells me about how I was genuinely turning a blue colour when she walked through. The other was when I was at a traffic light and the light turned red so I went to cross but some guy come round the corner and had no intention of stopping in his car, I just froze and couldn't move but a passerby grabbed me and pulled me off the road or I would've been nailed by the car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkinFighter Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Almost drowned on holiday once Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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