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Middle Aged Virgins


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Article from the Guardian about people in their 30s and 40s who have yet to pop their cherry.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/04/virgin-30s-40s-adult-never-had-sex?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Particularly enjoyed this guy's excuse:

'The reason I am still a virgin is that I am very well endowed. The ladies in my life have found it really hard to relax when it comes to having sex with me due to expecting intercourse to hurt them. I have been intimate in other ways, however, and even been in three long-term relationships. I know there are ladies out there that prefer a larger man, I just havent found them. After all, sex is about pleasure if both parties are not experiencing pleasure during sex then its not a very balanced sexual relationship.

Being a virgin later in life feels the same as being a virgin as a teenager. The only difference is, rather than worrying about being the odd one out, there are more things going on in the world to be hung up over. My friends tend to wonder why I havent made it my life goal to have sex. Especially now kids are being born in our circle of friends. I dont particularly want children, so that point mystifies them in its entirety. Anonymous man, 32'

Code for hideous deformity I imagine.

Is anyone on Pie and Bovril an old virgin? Must be a few, feel free to speculate.

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They seem to fall into a few categories; you get some punters who just go through life not chasing it and not getting involved – life’s natural asexuals I suppose.

The other side of the coin are the punters who have built the whole thing up in their mind to something it’s simply not and ooze self-defeating desperation to the point it creeps burds out

Finally you get guys who don’t understand their place in the food chain – wee guy in my work is the classic example. He’s had a few chances over the years – the burds haven’t been too braw from what I’ve seen TBF, but knocks them back because he seems to think he’ll eventually meet a Kate Upton-alike who’s totally into balding overweight Scottish shortarses.

As a result we reckon he’s never had it out the wrapper yet.

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Guy at my work spent his teens and twenties slagging off his mates for pumping ugly burds. All of a sudden he's in his thirties and has never had his hole because if he pumped an ugly he'd get mercilessly snagged. Whoops

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I am a virgin.

I hope both my sons are too.

#immaculateconceptionsaccordingtomywife

Call me a cynic, but unless they walk on water, still storms, raise the dead, turn water into wine, clear the temple of moneylenders, drive out demons, make the blind see and the lame walk, and feed 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves, I don't believe you.

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Call me a cynic, but unless they walk on water, still storms, raise the dead, turn water into wine, clear the temple of moneylenders, drive out demons, make the blind see and the lame walk, and feed 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves, I don't believe you.

F*ck the rest of it; if they could turn water into wine* I would forgive my missus her infidelities.

Who am I kidding, I'd positively encourage more.

* Preferably a full-bodied Rioja.

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Call me a cynic, but unless they walk on water, still storms, raise the dead, turn water into wine, clear the temple of moneylenders, drive out demons, make the blind see and the lame walk, and feed 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves, I don't believe you.

Granny can cure depression better than Henrik Larsson though.

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Doesn't even sound remotely like the laddie in the OP is a virgin, TBH. He claims to have been "intimate in other ways" in several long-term relationships; unless by 'intimate' he means 'holding hands', that sounds like sex to me. After all, nobody worth paying attention to considers sexually-active lesbians to be 'virgins', nor gay men who aren't into anal.

Just occurred to me that I used to know a guy who was only into blowjobs. He'd have vaginal sex if his girlfriend/hook-up insisted, but claimed it did nothing for him, and he only did it in the hope that it would lead to a blowjob later. Any straight P&Bers not really that keen on the traditional yoni/lingam combination?

Edit: I can't spell 'lingam', apparently.

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