Teacher meltdowns

[Ad Lib]

Shortly after I left there was an incident at a parents' evening where the Head of History had to physically restrain a PE teacher after he swung for another teacher who had been shagging his wife, also a PE teacher.

[TheScarf]

12 minutes ago, gkneil said:

 fall and end up right through the plasterboard wall into the next class.

[meanmistermustard]

My primary 5 school teacher came in after one lunchtime, put his head down on his desk without saying anything and proceeded to stay there. Being kids the whole class went mental throwing everything round the classroom, still remember having ruler fights on top of the tables whilst the teacher just sat there with his head down. Eventually another teacher came thru, gave us the bollocking of a lifetime, and led our teacher out, never to be seen again. And he was one of the better teachers.

Same thing happened with my religious studies teacher in Secondary School, he was creepy as f**k and despised by everyone in the school (the worst kids would often say the rumours to his face in class); he tried to teach kids religion and was one incredibly boring arsehole who had no sense of humour or knew how to teach. Best class we ever had with him was when he came in and just sat in his chair. Eventually the head of the subject came in due to the noise, berated the whole class, and led him out; she was a real bitch.

And my French teacher walked out of my class in second year and never came back.

[gavin_3110]

We had a woodwork teacher who was about 40, fat and a bit off his heid. Not sure how he passed any sort of criminal record check.

A couple of years later I saw the film, "The Football Factory" and saw him before my very eyes in the character of Billy Bright.

[Hedgecutter]

Had a crazy classical studies teacher who also did Japanese and would kick his filing cabinet constantly or karate chop the desks if anyone wouldn't shut up.

This Mr Lowry was exactly who I thought of when I saw the thread title.

There was also a Queen Anne teacher who would smash a hockey stick off the desk to shut folk up, but can't mind exactly who it was.

Bonnar (a former QoS keeper way back btw) managed to get me and three other friends to start up a bridge club (as in the previously unheard of card game as opposed to wowing at the Forth crossings), which we played for a couple of months. None of us actually wanted to, we just didn't have the balls to say no when he randomly chose us. Seemed a sound guy if he knew you weren't a hoodlum, but a psychopath at times indeed. Very much the 'bad cop' in the school management team.

Not a full on meltdown but an old maths teacher of mine loved the occasional 'moment'. One occasion saw him threaten to drop kick someone out the door for swinging on a chair

This brought back memories of a teacher complaining about folk spinning on their chairs, as it made holes in the linoleum (or whatever) floor. Cue everyone being at it behind her back and her going more and more spare every time a new set of holes popped up. She couldn't blame anyone in particular as it could have been a number of people from different classes that day. The perfect crime.

His revenge was brutal, PE the following 2 weeks consisted entirely of Scottish country dancing.

"I know you don't like it but let's be honest, for some of you this will be the closest you'll get to sex, so make the most of it."

- Mr Something Thompson

(guy who didn't take too kindly to me passing a basketball to his face from two yards as he sat taking the register. Why I did that remains a complete mystery to me, although he did ask me to pass the ball to him tbf, which was my ultimate get-out-of-jail card).

[Gordon EF]

Had a History teacher, Mr Osowski. Not sure what it was about him  but he just could not control a class and nobody ever had any fear of him. He wasn't particularly weak or timid just really couldn't command the kids respect or attention. Everyone in that class played up, even the kids who'd never do it in any other class. When he left the class one girl took of her shoe and it seemed to be getting passed around. When he came back she told him her shoe had gone missing but she wouldn't tell him how. So he was trying to ask everyone in the class where this shoe was and every kid knew exactly what happened but was pretending like it was some big mystery. Eventually after about 10 minutes, someone produced it from under their desk and he flew into a rage and kicked the bin over to howls of laughter. Not the worst meltdown ever but it was just weird the way how subtly cruel a group of kids can be and how everyone knows exactly how to play along when they smell weakness. The class would quite often just go a bit mental as well and he'd storm off to get the head of department, who people were actually afraid of. In the two minuted it took him to come back, everyone would make sure they were sitting at their desk, working away quietly and wouldn't even look up when they got back. Partly not to get on the wrong side of Mr Belfour but mostly just to make Mr Oswoski look like an absolute lunatic.

[tamthebam]

17 hours ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said:

The nasty b*****ds that taught me* deserved all the shite they got. IMO.

 

*Morgan Academy 1979.

so what you're saying is that

sadistic fools ran Dundonian schools..

surprised you missed that one... 

[DA Baracus]

53 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

This Mr Lowry was exactly who I thought of when I saw the thread title.

There was also a Queen Anne teacher who would smash a hockey stick off the desk to shut folk up, but can't mind exactly who it was.

Bonnar (a former QoS keeper way back btw) managed to get me and three other friends to start up a bridge club (as in the previously unheard of card game as opposed to wowing at the Forth crossings), which we played for a couple of months. None of us actually wanted to, we just didn't have the balls to say no when he randomly chose us. Seemed a sound guy if he knew you weren't a hoodlum, but a psychopath at times indeed. Very much the 'bad cop' in the school management team.

This brought back memories of a teacher complaining about folk spinning on their chairs, as it made holes in the linoleum (or whatever) floor. Cue everyone being at it behind her back and her going more and more spare every time a new set of holes popped up. She couldn't blame anyone in particular as it could have been a number of people from different classes that day. The perfect crime.

"I know you don't like it but let's be honest, for some of you this will be the closest you'll get to sex, so make the most of it."

- Mr Something Thompson

(guy who didn't take too kindly to me passing a basketball to his face from two yards as he sat taking the register. Why I did that remains a complete mystery to me, although he did ask me to pass the ball to him tbf, which was my ultimate get-out-of-jail card).

 

It was Lenny Turk (RE) who smashed his hockey stick off the desk.

I recall hearing about that Bridge Club. It's safe to say there was derision from many over it.

Making holes in the lino was great fun. It was in the science huts mostly, and the floors were full of those holes.

The basketball incident is still funny. At the time it was absolutely hilarious, and just thinking of it now has me chuckling. Thompson was actually pretty sound. Had him in 5th year PE (Int 2 due the p***k I had in 4th year not liking me) and there were only about 6 of us in the class. He said right at the start that we'd all get A's and then spent the rest of the year teaching us how to pass higher. We'd go down to Carnegie Leisure Centre every Friday morning where he'd booked us out the badminton courts. I also had a wee stint on the basketball team, of which Thompson was the coach, and during one practice session he sent a boy home for just being too shit and fannying about. We were all sitting around desperately trying not to laugh whilst he gave everyone a huge dressing down, and when he noticed that the lad was still smiling and not taking it seriously, he just told him to go home. It's worth noting that anyone could come to the practice sessions, and as far as I know the lad being sent home was the first time he'd done it.

I need to mention Ms Duncan, the German teacher, famous for telling her class to 'stop footering!'. She also picked up 1p and 2p coins she found in the playground, so of course folk would bring in pennies and roll them to the front of the class when she was writing on the Blackboard. She'd go mental but still pick them up. She also gave folk punishment exercises in German. She had zero sense of humour, as evidenced when she sent me to the Head for some of my answers during a listening test. When I didn't know the answers I'd just write daft shit, usually about Mr T, The Fonz and Sammy The Tammy. One of the questions was why were the group late for a party, to which I replied 'Because Mr T's mohawk punctured a tire on the A-Team van'. When she read that she was less than amused. To be fair the head was a bit bemused as to why she's sent me and just told me to stop dicking around and take an 'educated guess' if I didn't know the answer.

[D.A.F.C]

1 hour ago, Hedgecutter said:

This Mr Lowry was exactly who I thought of when I saw the thread title.

There was also a Queen Anne teacher who would smash a hockey stick off the desk to shut folk up, but can't mind exactly who it was.

Bonnar (a former QoS keeper way back btw) managed to get me and three other friends to start up a bridge club (as in the previously unheard of card game as opposed to wowing at the Forth crossings), which we played for a couple of months. None of us actually wanted to, we just didn't have the balls to say no when he randomly chose us. Seemed a sound guy if he knew you weren't a hoodlum, but a psychopath at times indeed. Very much the 'bad cop' in the school management team.

This brought back memories of a teacher complaining about folk spinning on their chairs, as it made holes in the linoleum (or whatever) floor. Cue everyone being at it behind her back and her going more and more spare every time a new set of holes popped up. She couldn't blame anyone in particular as it could have been a number of people from different classes that day. The perfect crime.

"I know you don't like it but let's be honest, for some of you this will be the closest you'll get to sex, so make the most of it."

- Mr Something Thompson

(guy who didn't take too kindly to me passing a basketball to his face from two yards as he sat taking the register. Why I did that remains a complete mystery to me, although he did ask me to pass the ball to him tbf, which was my ultimate get-out-of-jail card).

I remember that pe teacher. Sure he had a ford rs2000. Can remember once we started basketball before he was there and someone bounced a ball into the changing rooms and straight through the window.

He used to use pe as a recruitment drive for his basketball team.

Mr Nolan the French teacher was probably the best teacher I had at qa.

Looking back he was a bit mental but used to liven up the classes by buggering off them phoning up and pretending to be someone looking for him from his house which was edinburgh castle. Had a guy in our class called black bob who he would call bob noir.

[Miguel Sanchez]

Based on the sort of schooling the people that reply to these threads usually seem to have I'm amazed any of you made it past the age of sixteen without being in the jail.

[Bobby Skidmarks]

Went to Inverness High School.

We had a deaf janitor that couldn't hear the bell go so just used to sit in his office drinking tea. The c**t was always late opening the tuck shop too and you couldn't ask for something when his back was turned as he couldn't lip read. Cue every student asking for a mars bar then when his back was turned adding in an insult. Shite behaviour looking back.

Played against him at a teachers v pupils match in 6th year and the c**t was always going on mazy runs, then it clicked he wasn't hearing anyone shouting for the ball.

[gkneil]

10 minutes ago, Bobby Skidmarks said:

Went to Inverness High School.

We had a deaf janitor that couldn't hear the bell go so just used to sit in his office drinking tea. The c**t was always late opening the tuck shop too and you couldn't ask for something when his back was turned as he couldn't lip read. Cue every student asking for a mars bar then when his back was turned adding in an insult. Shite behaviour looking back.

Played against him at a teachers v pupils match in 6th year and the c**t was always going on mazy runs, then it clicked he wasn't hearing anyone shouting for the ball.

A damn sad state of affairs up there if the janny was also running the tuck shop

Selling the sweets one minute, cleaning them up in spew form the next after the kids had run around for a while

 

[Hank Scorpio]

We had an RE teacher called Mr E Simpson. We used to ask him every class for the best part of 9 months what the E stood for but he would never tell us. One day someone (somehow) found out that it stood for Eugene. Needless to say Eugene got it fucking tight for the remainder of the year. We also used to play football at break time directly under his classroom window. His window was open one lunch time and someone launched the ball directly through the open window only for him to appear at the window clutching the ball and furiously waving his fist. Nae real meltdown from him to be fair, he just seemed to be in a state of perma-rage.

My headmaster went to jail for being a paedo, that's probably a meltdown of some description.

[BallochSonsFan]

Not so much a meltdown but Dave Calder had an unhealthy interest in some of the girls in his chemistry class. Used to give them lifts home from school. He screamed out wrong 'un and is now dead.

Mrs Woess, or however her name was spelled, had a proper meltdown. She was an Austrian woman who taught German at Vale of Leven Academy. A really nice woman but entirely unable to control her classes. They regularly wrote Nazi abuse in her textbooks, asked how many Jews her father had gassed in the war and repeatedly locked her out of her classroom. The poor woman had a complete breakdown and was never seen again. It's a shame - she was just a nice woman in her 50s - softly spoken and English wasn't her first language. The kids tortured her with some really grotesque stuff.

 

Mrs Staniforth was also absolutely nuts. Most believe that she had already had her meltdown because she was off her tits on some kind of anti-depressant for my entire 6 years at the Vale. She allowed my higher English class to talk her into not teaching the poems of Philip Larkin when I was at a uni open day. She also spent the last lesson before exam leave trying to get some of the pupils to paint her garden fence.

[D.A.F.C]

3 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

 

It was Lenny Turk (RE) who smashed his hockey stick off the desk.

I recall hearing about that Bridge Club. It's safe to say there was derision from many over it.

Making holes in the lino was great fun. It was in the science huts mostly, and the floors were full of those holes.

The basketball incident is still funny. At the time it was absolutely hilarious, and just thinking of it now has me chuckling. Thompson was actually pretty sound. Had him in 5th year PE (Int 2 due the p***k I had in 4th year not liking me) and there were only about 6 of us in the class. He said right at the start that we'd all get A's and then spent the rest of the year teaching us how to pass higher. We'd go down to Carnegie Leisure Centre every Friday morning where he'd booked us out the badminton courts. I also had a wee stint on the basketball team, of which Thompson was the coach, and during one practice session he sent a boy home for just being too shit and fannying about. We were all sitting around desperately trying not to laugh whilst he gave everyone a huge dressing down, and when he noticed that the lad was still smiling and not taking it seriously, he just told him to go home. It's worth noting that anyone could come to the practice sessions, and as far as I know the lad being sent home was the first time he'd done it.

I need to mention Ms Duncan, the German teacher, famous for telling her class to 'stop footering!'. She also picked up 1p and 2p coins she found in the playground, so of course folk would bring in pennies and roll them to the front of the class when she was writing on the Blackboard. She'd go mental but still pick them up. She also gave folk punishment exercises in German. She had zero sense of humour, as evidenced when she sent me to the Head for some of my answers during a listening test. When I didn't know the answers I'd just write daft shit, usually about Mr T, The Fonz and Sammy The Tammy. One of the questions was why were the group late for a party, to which I replied 'Because Mr T's mohawk punctured a tire on the A-Team van'. When she read that she was less than amused. To be fair the head was a bit bemused as to why she's sent me and just told me to stop dicking around and take an 'educated guess' if I didn't know the answer.

Can you guys remember looby lou?

He was on britains got talent eating after eights but got owned by ant and Dec who had never even practised. 

Also was in the paper recently getting a new penis due to cancer. 

http://m.dunfermlinepress.com/news/14411339.Britain_s_Got_Talent_s_James_in_cancer_scare/

Hope he's ok, bit of a legend like disco deek.

[Shandon Par]

4 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Can you guys remember looby lou?

He was on britains got talent eating after eights but got owned by ant and Dec who had never even practised. 

Also was in the paper recently getting a new penis due to cancer. 

http://m.dunfermlinepress.com/news/14411339.Britain_s_Got_Talent_s_James_in_cancer_scare/

Hope he's ok, bit of a legend like disco deek.

He was in the year above me. Odd creature. One of those folk who would always wear school uniform even out of school. 

[superwellfan]

The deputy head once sent me home and banned me from a university open day for showing a lack of remorse at selling a school owned maths book to someone in the year below. She was raging that I didn't give a grovelling apology because some daft b*****d was stupid enough to pay me a fiver for a book that they would've received anyway. 

[Stellaboz]

The deputy head once sent me home and banned me from a university open day for showing a lack of remorse at selling a school owned maths book to someone in the year below. She was raging that I didn't give a grovelling apology because some daft b*****d was stupid enough to pay me a fiver for a book that they would've received anyway. 

Top business initiative!

[KnightswoodBear]

43 minutes ago, BallochSonsFan said:

She also spent the last lesson before exam leave trying to get some of the pupils to paint her garden fence

[KnightswoodBear]

The quoting has fucked up there for some reason.

Was that a euphemism Balloch?