The_Kincardine Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 4 hours ago, heedthebaa said: That time of year that the house has conkers in every fucking corner of every fucking room to keep the spiders away. I wish someone would tell the spiders Right. This definitely needs some explanation... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 Right. This definitely needs some explanation... Apparently it scares them away. It doesn't. My missus did the same thing a couple years ago and what made her stupidity worse was she actually bought conkers online rather than go and collect them from the park that was 5 minutes away the complete fanny. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 "I like Bovril on toast" she says. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 17 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Switched over to a programme which I have no idea what it is or what's going on and she says "who is he? Who is she? What's going on here?" Every fucking time. Similarly, I'll walk in the door and she's unpacking some appliance or something that needs building. "How do I do this?". "What am I mean to do with this?". How am I meant to know? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Similarly, I'll walk in the door and she's unpacking some appliance or something that needs building. "How do I do this?". "What am I mean to do with this?". How am I meant to know? Which means you end having to do it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 The cupboard stacking situation might break my spirit entirely. Every one is stacked like some kind of domestic booby trap. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 3 hours ago, Shandon Par said: "I like Bovril on toast" she says. What an arsehole. Everyone knows you have bovril on pies. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdel6cans Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Stay on a wee island on west coast of Scotland so have to get the ferry to commute to work, we used to use the 1 car to get to the ferry but she has dropped down to part time and i get the train now so we have 2 cars on the island, so now she is driving herself to the ferry terminal carpark and get a call from her sounding a bit perplexed and agitated asking ....do i nèed to dri e into the space or reverse in ? you know i can only reverse out !! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 When the Slovakian was second yellowed for diving, asked why he was booked. I reply because he's a cheating diving c**t who should be caned.Her response? He probably fell over scared with the goalkeeper rushing out to get him. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Stay on a wee island on west coast of Scotland so have to get the ferry to commute to work, we used to use the 1 car to get to the ferry but she has dropped down to part time and i get the train now so we have 2 cars on the island, so now she is driving herself to the ferry terminal carpark and get a call from her sounding a bit perplexed and agitated asking ....do i nèed to dri e into the space or reverse in ? you know i can only reverse out !! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 "You ready to go?? ! " Asking the person who's been ready for half an hour, waiting on her to get ready. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said: o"You ready to go?? ! " Asking the person who's been ready for half an hour, waiting on her to get ready. Family funerals are a disaster for getting away from - the men are all hanging around the door, ready to go after being advised "We're going now", only for their women to start talking to yet another relative. If we men did that there would be hell to play, I tells ya. Edited October 14, 2017 by Jacksgranda slepnigl 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 "I've left my purse in the car, can you go and get it for me?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 4 minutes ago, philpy said: "I've left my purse in the car, can you go and get it for me?" Worst is, I've left my purse in the car. Can I use your card to pay this? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 No you fucking well can't sarge. I'm at work and I've not even got my wallet with me. Cheeky c**t. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 1 hour ago, philpy said: No you fucking well can't sarge. I'm at work and I've not even got my wallet with me. Cheeky c**t. Still there at 12.00, good for you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdel6cans Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 How did you get into my family photo album ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 4 hours ago, Bairnardo said: Get the baby off to sleep in her chair, just as Mrs B decides to shout at the cat for some perceived slight and wakes her up. The cat. The answer is :- Drug both Mrs B and the cat, but then place the cat on Mrs B's face and suffocate her. Smoke cigar. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gav-ffc Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 “Could you pick up something for dinner on your way home”She works in a supermarket and the previous text she told me she had just bought pumpkins after work. Gtf 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 My HouseHarridan has a myriad of foibles, peccadilloes and habits that drive me nuts and I won’t bore you with a list........however, the main aneurism-inducing, deliberate act she does without fail is leaving the garlic press lying unwashed on the worktop after she’s washed up all the other shite....she appears to have a pathological fear of cleaning the thing. [emoji34] 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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