guinness Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Asking for toilet paper that's in the car .. when I'm watching midsomer murders [emoji13] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guinness Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Tell them to go out and get it. They won't make same mistake twice She'd take age's walking like a baboon tae the car[emoji205][emoji4] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyrTroopMajor Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Doesn't matter what she has on her hand (whether it be dust, water, paint etc), I just know that she'll use whatever clothing I happen to be wearing as some sort of replacement wet-wipe. Aye nae bother, just you use my new jumper as your personal towel. F*** sake. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Brees Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Saying mmm'bop everytime rob McLean mentions the rosenburg goalie Hanson 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted August 3, 2017 Author Share Posted August 3, 2017 Asks if I want a cup of coffee, I say yes. Half an hour later I happen to notice a cold cup of coffee located in some random spot in the house. Everytime. How hard is it to tell me my coffee is ready? "Well I asked you if you wanted a cup". "Aye but what about all the other times you offer then forget to make it?" I'm having a headsgone just thinking about it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Asks me something random to which I reply "I don't know". Repeats the exact same question 5-10 seconds after my answer, like I've suddenly become enlightened within that time. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifes Elite Force Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 13 hours ago, Drew Brees said: Saying mmm'bop everytime rob McLean mentions the rosenburg goalie Hanson Semi decent banter in fairness. Not bad for a lassie Aye i'm sexist and birds just arn't as funny as men in general 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Brees Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Semi decent banter in fairness. Not bad for a lassie Aye i'm sexist and birds just arn't as funny as men in general[emoji185] It was funny, then the game started and it made me smile a couple of times, then it started to get annoying, then as half time approached I wanted to kill her. Then it made me smile again in the 2nd half, but only after we scored. And I agree, or I am equally sexist, but I find men are funnier. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifes Elite Force Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 1 minute ago, Drew Brees said: It was funny, then the game started and it made me smile a couple of times, then it started to get annoying, then as half time approached I wanted to kill her. Then it made me smile again in the 2nd half, but only after we scored. And I agree, or I am equally sexist, but I find men are funnier. The problem is she made a funny and she is probably not used to getting a real positive response (not the fake laugh you have to do when a bird thinks she is funny but not) so then kept on using it making it unfunny. Should have decked her tbh 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 14 minutes ago, Drew Brees said: It was funny, then the game started and it made me smile a couple of times, then it started to get annoying, then as half time approached I wanted to kill her. Then it made me smile again in the 2nd half, but only after we scored. And I agree, or I am equally sexist, but I find men are funnier. So do women... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diamond8 Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Sleeps with the tele on because she's scared of the dark, then proceeds to put an eye mask on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RossDee01 Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Not necessarily my girlfriend in particular, but those birds who pinch their nose when they jump in a swimming pool do my tits in. What do they actually think is going to happen? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 2 minutes ago, RossDee01 said: Not necessarily my girlfriend in particular, but those birds who pinch their nose when they jump in a swimming pool do my tits in. What do they actually think is going to happen? If they think they'll get water up their nose why don't they pinch their flaps as well? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 She seems to believe everything she reads. In the past she has bought conkers and put them around the house as she read it stops spiders coming into the house. BOUGHT conkers. There was a park 5 minutes away full of the fucking things. Her latest thing appeared just there. We seem to be getting ants but can't see where from. I reckon they're getting in through the back wall. She was sitting there saying she wondered if they were in the couch. Went upstairs and came down 5 minutes later declaring they were in fact in the couch because there will be crumbs there. So in the space of 10 minutes she wondered where they were coming from and since decided her extensive 5 minute Google research was enough evidence to back up her theory. How the f**k she passed her research module of her degree baffles me. I'm starting to think she maybe sooked her lecturer off. She's since camein and declared we should put some jam on the floor and wait to see where they are coming from. Aye that's what I'm gonna do on my day off, watch a lump of jam with the hope of an ant appearing. The fucking moron. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 5 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: She seems to believe everything she reads. In the past she has bought conkers and put them around the house as she read it stops spiders coming into the house. BOUGHT conkers. There was a park 5 minutes away full of the fucking things. Her latest thing appeared just there. We seem to be getting ants but can't see where from. I reckon they're getting in through the back wall. She was sitting there saying she wondered if they were in the couch. Went upstairs and came down 5 minutes later declaring they were in fact in the couch because there will be crumbs there. So in the space of 10 minutes she wondered where they were coming from and since decided her extensive 5 minute Google research was enough evidence to back up her theory. How the f**k she passed her research module of her degree baffles me. I'm starting to think she maybe sooked her lecturer off. She's since camein and declared we should put some jam on the floor and wait to see where they are coming from. Aye that's what I'm gonna do on my day off, watch a lump of jam with the hope of an ant appearing. The fucking moron. Option A - Sitting in living room and watch a lump of jam on the floor and see if it attracts ants. Option B - Homes Under The Hammer on the TV.............. Where's the Raspberry jam. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kennboy1978 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Option A - Sitting in living room and watch a lump of jam on the floor and see if it attracts ants. Option B - Homes Under The Hammer on the TV.............. Where's the Raspberry jam. By the sounds of things, homes won't be the only thing under a hammer. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 Getting woken up after falling asleep on the couch. "Mon you, it's bedtime". Get to f**k - I was fine here plus I won't be able to get back to sleep as I'm now awake and raging at getting woken up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 5 hours ago, Kennboy1978 said: By the sounds of things, homes won't be the only thing under a hammer. There's a new show to be made here... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
54_and_counting Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 new one just in, mines watches the utmost pish on telly, to the point where i just walked in the livingroom and shes watching a plastic surgery show and frank maloney has his fucking tits oot ive just seen frank maloneys fucking tits, if i had a rusty knife in my hand i would have taken my eyeballs out there and then probably tried to chib her as well, dear fucking god 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bernardblack Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I'll be pottering away downstairs, whilst she's upstairs, to be met with a "I've been speaking to you for five minutes and you've been ignoring me"I literally didn't hear a word. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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