Work colleagues

[Hillonearth]

3 hours ago, NotThePars said:

The bookies I worked at got very twitchy about GDPR so we had to rescind all the loyalty cards we had for the Chinese boys who used their western names. Was a surprise to find out “Chinese Gordon” wasn’t called that at birth or that Rambo Tsang wasn’t actually named after the famous action hero.

The few kids of Chinese descent I went to school with were Hong Kongers who seem most likely to adopt a European name, but there was one lassie that joined us halfway through first year that hadn't got the memo and went by her Chinese name which was Wan Ying. The class numbering our school used was year/house/class, so it was 1W5 I was in.

Anyway, Wan Ying pitched up in an old dragon of a French teacher's class one day. Said dragon asked her "Good morning - I believe you are Wan...?"

"W5, miss" said one of the guys down the front who had had the misfortune of just having turned round from looking out the window.

"Young....outside...NOW!"

Edited September 1, 2021 by Hillonearth

[Miguel Sanchez]

2 hours ago, JamesP_81 said:

On the subject of misspelled names I once worked with a 'Scot with 1 t' . He used to get so irate at people who used 2 ts when emailing him that I always made sure I addressed him as Scottt. I wouldn't normally use someone's name as a means to wind them up but he was a massive bellend.  Self proclaimed best salesman on the floor who used to shout things like "sickness is weakness" down the phone whenever someone phoned on sick and was always giving off the impression that he lived a life of luxury off the back of his sales bonuses . Aye so that's why you smell like an alkie's carpet and your Facebook is full of pictures of your face photoshopped into the background of a load of young folk on a night out ! 

[jimbaxters]

A couple who work with me have a wee bit of land and have recently got chickens. Constantly go on about them now. If it's not them rattling on about how the dominant hen is bullying the others and causing scabs on their heads, it's how they're off their food. Today it was that they have bumblefoot or something and they have to take it to the vet. I reckon they have munchausen by proxy and I really struggle not to say, "they're just chickens!"

[The Moonster]

On 01/09/2021 at 16:13, welshbairn said:

Peregrine Farlow-Burgundy maybe?

If you want folk to think you're a Tory, batter in. 

[scottsdad]

Saw a colleague for the first time in almost 2 years this morning. His first words to me were "You've put on weight"*. 

Cheers, mate. I had wondered why all my clothes had shrunk!

*I have indeed got past the 19 stone mark.

[microdave]

1 hour ago, scottsdad said:

Saw a colleague for the first time in almost 2 years this morning. His first words to me were "You've put on weight"*. 

Cheers, mate. I had wondered why all my clothes had shrunk!

*I have indeed got past the 19 stone mark.

Every time I shag your wife, she makes me a sandwich should've been your response.

[Raidernation]

The majority of my new colleagues are great but there’s this one woman.
Loudly complains and tells you what she’s about to do
Loudly tells you when she’s doing it
Loudly tells you what she’s done once she’s done it
Thankfully no one gives a f**k!

[Guest]

The majority of my new colleagues are great but there’s this one woman.
Loudly complains and tells you what she’s about to do
Loudly tells you when she’s doing it
Loudly tells you what she’s done once she’s done it
Thankfully no one gives a f**k!

LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME disorder.

[Arthur daley]

8 minutes ago, Raidernation said:

The majority of my new colleagues are great but there’s this one woman.
Loudly complains and tells you what she’s about to do
Loudly tells you when she’s doing it
Loudly tells you what she’s done once she’s done it
Thankfully no one gives a f**k!

That’s going to be murder for you  when she goes to the toilet . 

[thistledo]

Still not back in the office, missus back to work and the wean is in nursery. 

[scottsdad]

5 minutes ago, thistledo said:

Still not back in the office, missus back to work and the wean is in nursery. 

Hello Pornhub My Old Friend...

[microdave]

I was in the toilet this afternoon when the fire alarm went off. I quickly sorted myself out and left the building via the quickest direct route. A few minutes later, a colleague who was due to leave appeared all ready to go and off she went. I'm amazed that she thinks a fire would wait for her so it wouldn't put her out. There wasn't a fire but nobody knew that when it went off.

[GordonD]

1 hour ago, microdave said:

I was in the toilet this afternoon when the fire alarm went off.

Did you evacuate as quickly as possible?

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, microdave said:

I was in the toilet this afternoon when the fire alarm went off. I quickly sorted myself out and left the building via the quickest direct route. A few minutes later, a colleague who was due to leave appeared all ready to go and off she went. I'm amazed that she thinks a fire would wait for her so it wouldn't put her out. There wasn't a fire but nobody knew that when it went off.

That's what happens when you set fire to your farts.

[DiegoDiego]

A post in another thread reminded me of this former colleague of mine:

We were really struggling to get chefs in to the hotel so they were hiring anyone who applied. One night this chap turns up, we never figured out where he was from, he spoke Hungarian, but not natively.

After settling in (accommodation was provided) he came down to the bar with a slab of R. Whites Lemonade. "Could you use this? I bought it but thought it was the sugar free." So, fully aware he had lifted it from his previous employer, we took the case off his hands and gave him a pint to say thanks.

The next night he comes back down to the bar. "How much do you sell lemonade for? Maybe when you sell one of those cans you can give me 50p for it. Actually, it's probably easier if you just give me £20 now."

The next day some guests checked into their room to find him sat on the bed, naked, unaware of their presence, listening to music on headphones. The search for chefs continued.

[Miguel Sanchez]

6 minutes ago, DiegoDiego said:

A post in another thread reminded me of this former colleague of mine:

We were really struggling to get chefs in to the hotel so they were hiring anyone who applied. One night this chap turns up, we never figured out where he was from, he spoke Hungarian, but not natively.

After settling in (accommodation was provided) he came down to the bar with a slab of R. Whites Lemonade. "Could you use this? I bought it but thought it was the sugar free." So, fully aware he had lifted it from his previous employer, we took the case off his hands and gave him a pint to say thanks.

The next night he comes back down to the bar. "How much do you sell lemonade for? Maybe when you sell one of those cans you can give me 50p for it. Actually, it's probably easier if you just give me £20 now."

The next day some guests checked into their room to find him sat on the bed, naked, unaware of their presence, listening to music on headphones. The search for chefs continued.

Did he get his £20?

[DiegoDiego]

Did he get his £20?

He was told to f**k off. I'd said to the bar manager he was at it from the start but the manager was a nineteen-year-old idiot from Grantown and took some persuading. Needless to say there were one or two "I told you so"s after he came looking for £20.

[Arthur daley]

22 minutes ago, DiegoDiego said:

A post in another thread reminded me of this former colleague of mine:

We were really struggling to get chefs in to the hotel so they were hiring anyone who applied. One night this chap turns up, we never figured out where he was from, he spoke Hungarian, but not natively.

After settling in (accommodation was provided) he came down to the bar with a slab of R. Whites Lemonade. "Could you use this? I bought it but thought it was the sugar free." So, fully aware he had lifted it from his previous employer, we took the case off his hands and gave him a pint to say thanks.

The next night he comes back down to the bar. "How much do you sell lemonade for? Maybe when you sell one of those cans you can give me 50p for it. Actually, it's probably easier if you just give me £20 now."

The next day some guests checked into their room to find him sat on the bed, naked, unaware of their presence, listening to music on headphones. The search for chefs continued.

Do you suspect he will be turning up to his new employers with a case of Schweppes ginger ale ? 

[DiegoDiego]

Do you suspect he will be turning up to his new employers with a case of Schweppes ginger ale ? 

He was caught sneaking back into the kitchen after being fired. Apparently "just looking for some garlic" in the fridges.

The same place (before my time) had a head chef fired who on the way south on the train phoned up Brakes and put in an order for "a huge wedding" they were catering. Two days later thousands of pounds worth of pigeon, venison, et cetera turned up.

[philpy]

I've been getting a couple of new guys settled in, and getting them organised to work Saturday mornings on their own, but one of them claims he can only work the same Saturday as his wife (who works at a sister company branch about 5 miles away) so they can use the one car. They both have their own cars and work at different places anyway, so what's the difference for one fucking day??