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Things you've only done once


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Been to sellik Park. I was young, it was a corporate invite, I was obliged to go. They pumped some welsh amateur team about 7-0 if I recall. (And, yes, I’m waiting for all the ftfy’s).

Pumped a bird in the Raploch.

Pumped a bird in Ruchazie.

Been in a relationship with a bird frae The Ferry. Never again! Give me ruchazie!!

Hit an indicated 160mph coming up the M6.

Fought with a female, Michelle Kelly, in P.3. She won.

Fathered a child. (^^^ not connected).

Drunk a Blastaway (one bottle white lightning, one bottle castaway). (^^^ connected).

Been to Australia.

Won a bronze medal at the long jump.







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Ran the 1200m. Draughted in from the crowd with jeans, flat canvass shoes and zero warm-up or running / athletics experience. Sprinted the first lap full-pelt only to half-die on the next two laps but making the finish line just before everyone caught up to win the race to a standing ovation, only to suddenly spew all over the track in front of them.

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