Dee Man Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 My da was telling my brother some story about something which I can't quite remember which might take away from the quality of this post but I'm not prepared to make something up, so there you are. Anyway, after the auld man had finished telling the story my brother farted to which my da replied "He fucking did!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8MileBU Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 ^^^Selfie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 I dropped an absolute bomb in French in 3rd Year and the teacher was furious and called me an "absolute fucking pig". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Teachers never farted like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I'm Brian Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 I'm up for jury service soon. Does anyone have any court related farting tales to give me some motivation or could I be done for contempt of court? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 3 hours ago, I'm Brian said: I'm up for jury service soon. Does anyone have any court related farting tales to give me some motivation or could I be done for contempt of court? I was summoned for jury service but in the end I didn't get to go in. I ordered a curry that night and done some right stinking farts in my bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 46 minutes ago, Patrick Bateman said: Extremely apt user name for this thread. Do you know what my username and yours have in common? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 10 hours ago, D.A.F.C said: 2:45 "I have someone collapsed at my feet here but I'm going to completely fucking ignore them and get this choir to sing their stupid little song". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 I have eaten nothing but curry based foodstuffs for the past 2 days. Another 3 of this to go then its lift off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Steele Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 23 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: I have eaten nothing but curry based foodstuffs for the past 2 days. Another 3 of this to go then its lift off. Two days running? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 2 hours ago, The Skelpit Lug said: Two days running? No runs yet but I’m sure it won’t be long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expatowner Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I lived in Hong Kong for 13 years, where virtually everywhere you go there are Tower blocks with lifts. Cracking a silent fart when the lift was full would cheer me up on a boring day. [emoji23]Oh and always leave a fart if you’re the last man out of the lift. They linger in a lift for ages! [emoji23] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 12 minutes ago, expatowner said: I lived in Hong Kong for 13 years, where virtually everywhere you go there are Tower blocks with lifts. Cracking a silent fart when the lift was full would cheer me up on a boring day. Oh and always leave a fart if you’re the last man out of the lift. They linger in a lift for ages! So that was you ya c**t! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I once farted so loud I woke up my wife on the other side of a super king bed. I can confirm that being in the company of (your own) small children is the perfect cover for a fart. It gets a little more difficult when they grow out of nappies, I'll admit. Farting in church is always awkward. There are some people I know who'd go ballistic if I dared let a noisy one out. Usually I'll wait until the organ is playing (fnar) or squeeze it out silently and keep a straight face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Farting is a great laugh and the fact it enrages the wife is an absolute bonus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevieKTID Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I walk this French bulldog everyday, his farts can be rather loud, there have been times he has let rip a loud one on the street and the person in front has turned around, of course i point at him and say "it was him" and they just look at me as if to say "yeah right blame the dog" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Don’t know if you can still get them, but when I was younger, in one sitting, I ate an entire packet of aniseed flavoured Tic-Tacs. Fart fuel? Not half. I let one rip and roughcasted someone’s house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 On 8/24/2018 at 21:01, Ron Aldo said: Those plastic chairs at school were always good for amplifying the sounds of a fart. I mind one time at English and the teacher had left the room but left the door open. From the other side of the class a loud parp richocheted off the chair to a Motson-esque cry of "ONE NIL". Within a nanosecond I replied with a lengthy rasper "AND THERE'S THE EQUALISER". Unbeknown to us our teacher was just outside, had heard all this and popped his head round the door to say "the next one who scores will be going to see the Head Teacher". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecto Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Being type2 diabetic, I try and take as little sugar as I can, so the only biscuits I eat are sugar free, and to be honest whatever the sugar replacement is, it gives me horrendous wind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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