Times when you've excelled yourself.

[Billy Rubin]

"Give me one moment in time when I'm more than I thought I could be, When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away and the answers are all up to me"   Not my words P & B but the words of now dead singer Whitney Houston.    I remember the 1984 games in San Francisco more than any other games because I'd taken the whole summer off to decorate my first detached home, but I turned lazy, ended up drinking copious amounts of lager and employed a painter/decorator.   His name was Stephen and he drove a red Ford Orion with a wind-down sunroof.        
But there was something about this song which chimed to me.   It encapsulates qualities held dear to me:  Achievment; self-determination; and in particular one-upmanship.    With this in mind in the fall of 1984 I applied for a full membership of Gleneagles as I aspired to become a better golfer, a more wholesome member of society and a better person.     

Sadly for Whitney she's had all her moments and we can be absolutely certain she won't have any more, but I got me thinking about the times when I was chuffed to buggery with my conduct.    These are my top 3:

1:   1991:  I'm playing my first club championship final.   I'm 7 down after 22 holes; then I play the last 14  holes in eight under par ( -8 ) to win the club championship.    Other guy was a decent gent  so felt genuinely deflated for him but even more delight for myself.   

2.   2008:  I've received a parking ticket in a small vennel in Edinburgh called Hamilton Folly Mews.    I'd parked my Lexus on double yellow lines, walked through the electric gates to visit my mate David,  I clocked a cherubic parking attendant arrive on a motorised bike and walked back towards my car.     I was speaking to him face to face but I couldn't get buzzed back though the electric gates.    My mate David ( we're no longer friends) finally buzzed me out but I'd been ticketed.    But as a regular reciprocant of parking tickets ( can afford it: 5-figure income)  I knew he had to photograph the incident.    So I took the camera off him, entered the Lexus and drove away.    I carefully placed the camera down on the pavement a 100 yards down the street.    I knew there would be repercussions so when the ticket came through the post I concocted a story about how I'd tried to drive into the street and the electric gates failed, I'd tried to open them and got trapped inside.   I received a full apology from the company and the attendant even though I was absolutely in the wrong.    

3.   2016:   Some people chase paedophiles out of communities.    I live in salubrious rural dwellings which are statistically more likely to vote Tory yet bizarrely less likely to house paedophiles so my best work came in flushing out the jigsaw crunching enthusiast called 'StandFree03' from this webbing page.     The black sheep of Perthshire always claimed to have powers to ban others on request.    Even 3 years down the line I have a rye smile every time I log in.    I had the last laugh.    I won.   

As always I throw the thread ( catch ) to the fine residents of Pie and Bovril.    What do you describe as the moment where you absolutely excelled yourself?    Could be pulling a 40 year old stunner at the discotheque?   Could be your best sporting achievement?   Could be something work related?      

[101]

32 minutes ago, Billy Rubin said:

 ( can afford it: 5-figure income) 

Including the decimal place? 

[Hedgecutter]

Where: My other half's work activity day, archery stand. When: Just last year. 

Picked up a relatively badass bow and arrow, the sort that could take out two Sevco fans standing back to back. First attempt hit the middle of the bullseye.  Everybody applauded (well, everybody except some p***k standing at the back saying to his wife "I'd like to see him do that again", just loud enough for me and everyone else to hear). 

I then shoot my second arrow, right down the f***ing middle again with this cool up-and-down projectile motion.  Had these been made of wood, it would have split the first arrow right down the shaft in a manner that would have Robin Hood jizzing his pants. I never bothered with a third arrow, that was enough to let me pull the smug face that no gif on here can replicate, directed straight at the red-faced c**t standing at the back.  Everybody laughed at him, and it was glorious. 

[Billy Rubin]

7 minutes ago, Adam101 said:

Including the decimal place? 

You cheeky get!!  

I've got 2 trees in my garden that are taller than the highest point of my houses' chimney stack.  

[101]

2 minutes ago, Billy Rubin said:

You cheeky get!!  

I've got 2 trees in my garden that are taller than the highest point of my houses' chimney stack.  

Still in the dog house 

[Miguel Sanchez]

I enjoyed "rye smile"

[Billy Rubin]

10 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

I enjoyed "rye smile"

More than the San Fran 84 games?  

[Thistle_do_nicely]

I went to some Man Utd Soccer Schools type thing for goalkeepers quite a few years ago as a birthday gift from my mum and dad (one of the most middle-class statements I think I've ever, and will ever, type out) - basically a week of coaching in the sun at some posh private school, forget the name of it but they were excellent facilities.

Was generally quite pish throughout the entire thing tbh, but during the 1-on-1 drills I was pretty much unbeatable including an absolutely beastin' slide tackle after sprinting off my line and the guy tried to take it round me. They named a player of the day at the end of every session and after my heroic showing I got given the accolade, along with a pair of Nike shorts, on that day. Glorious.

They also nominated a player of the tournament outright which was won by a tall american girl that was, tbf, fucking miles ahead of everyone else there and by some distance the best all-round goalie. There was an Asian guy called Tim somethingorother that was a bit erratic throughout but pulled off one of the greatest saves I've ever seen in the flesh, including hours of watching professional football, onto the crossbar from a volley. I can still picture it, albeit vividly.

We also got to watch MK Dons legend Alan Smith warming up along with some youth players at one point too - think he was not long back from a serious injury at the time but I hate to think how shite I'd look trying some of the drills they were doing, fair got put through their paces. Could see why he ended up at Man Utd though.

[tamthebam]

I excel-led myself by making a spreadsheet of all the grounds I've visited. Sad but true. 

I don't suppose PB you attended the LA games and actually saw the black monolith that was later bought by Edinburgh Council to take pride of place at Meadowbank Stadium for 30 years before being knocked down recently.. 

[DA Baracus]

I gave an absolutely smashing solo talk in English in 4th year.

[BillyAnchor]

I gave some change to an accordion player busking today.  Tiny changes.

[Guest JTS98]

A few years ago I was working as a Baptist minister in America. At the time things over there were quite dicey with racism.

Anyway, I heard this story about a couple of black lassies getting into trouble for not giving seats on the bus to white people. I thought "I'm not having that". So, me and a mate got together and organised a boycott of the buses and we kept at it for so long that they changed the law and everything. It was magic. To be honest, I became quite famous off the back of it.

Anyway, it led on to all sorts of other stuff. I got a lot of hassle off the polis, but I decided not to give up. I got asked to do a bit of public speaking and organised a few rallies. That sort of thing.

Long and short if it is that the whole thing went so well that America even ended up with a black President. Not bad considering blacks couldn't keep  seat on the bus when I got started. I even got a Nobel prize!

It's all a bit mental to look back on now, but I think I did a decent job.

[Newbornbairn]

Used to play rugby in 1st year at school but got bored and gave it up. Went back to it in 4th year and the first game I was playing on the opposite wing to a huge b*****d winger on the other side who was running riot over our winger and full back scoring about half a dozen tries. At half time our coach switched me to that side and I'm shiting it at the first attack as this white Jonah Lomu came thundering towards me with an evil grin. I run towards him and, just as he's about to punch me in the face and run over my lifeless body, I trip on a divot and pitch forward, my forehead colliding with his knee making a very loud dull "crack" sound and my flailing arms wrap around his legs as I fall. Lomu screams and falls to the ground writhing in pain, I've got a wee red mark on my head. He got carried off to the cheers of my team mates and the coach said mine was the bravest tackle he'd ever seen - not realising I'd tripped.

[whiskychimp]

I knocked an egg cup from the cupboard, the ones made of wire coiled round and round. It bounced like a spring and I nonchalantly caught it and put it back. 

[Gaz FFC]

Save yous all time.

See unless you pulled some absolute worldy and spent the evening banging her brains out complete with pictures of said event...nobody on here cares.

[Shandon Par]

I went to the pub with a friend to watch France v Scotland. Suggested we bet on Faddy first scorer, 1-0 Scotland at 125/1. Fell asleep on way home. Police rang mrs at about 2am. Police felt wrath of Mrs P and brought me home in their van. 

[Bobby Skidmarks]

1 hour ago, Gaz FFC said:

Save yous all time.

See unless you pulled some absolute worldy and spent the evening banging her brains out complete with pictures of said event...nobody on here cares.

There are plenty of websites out there where you can get these type of pictures Gav. Or PM @JohnnyDougDogg 

[Guest Moomintroll]

A few years ago I was working as a Baptist minister in America. At the time things over there were quite dicey with racism.
Anyway, I heard this story about a couple of black lassies getting into trouble for not giving seats on the bus to white people. I thought "I'm not having that". So, me and a mate got together and organised a boycott of the buses and we kept at it for so long that they changed the law and everything. It was magic. To be honest, I became quite famous off the back of it.
Anyway, it led on to all sorts of other stuff. I got a lot of hassle off the polis, but I decided not to give up. I got asked to do a bit of public speaking and organised a few rallies. That sort of thing.
Long and short if it is that the whole thing went so well that America even ended up with a black President. Not bad considering blacks couldn't keep  seat on the bus when I got started. I even got a Nobel prize!
It's all a bit mental to look back on now, but I think I did a decent job.

Hiya Malcolm, hiya pal. Give my regards to Rosa.

[Hedgecutter]

I also once attended a serious Scouts sports event at Pitreavie in Dunfermline where I was dragged to watch my brother.  One of my friends hadn't turned up so my leader spotted me in the stand and said we just need somebody to take his place in the 800m.  The fact I had zero running experience, was dressed in jeans / flat canvas shoes and the race started in under a minute mattered not a jot to them.  With peer pressure in full flow, I grudgingly found my way onto the track.  My fellow competitors all took one look and either sneered or laughed at me.  "F*** you" I thought, and a fire suddenly burned in my heart.

I never quite appreciated that one does not normally sprint the 800m, but that's what I proceeded to do anyway.  At the start of the second lap I was both 'miles' ahead and absolutely shattered.  However, with the crowd roaring me on, I flapped across the finish line like Eric Liddell in Chariots of Fire, just a metre or so ahead of a couple of guys that had oh so nearly caught up.  Victory was mine!   The jubilant crowd cheered... until the complete lack of warm-up caught up with me and I spewed all over the track in front of them all in the grandstand.  I had to find a brush and a bucket of water.  I then spewed again behind the stand.

I have never competed in the world of athletics since, but I retired with a stellar 100% win record that not even Usain Bolt can claim.    

[D.A.F.C]

Was fairly shite at golf and played off about 10-15 over on a good day. When I was about 14 i was playing up the east neuk and some rich American guy asked me if I wanted to play on a fancy 18 hole course as his partner couldn't make it. Turned up at the first tee and it was mobbed with snobby English types in full golf twat clothes. I was wearing Scotland top and everlast boxing shorts so got a few sniggers.
Turns out I had to drive and proceeded to just walk up happy gilmour style and melted it about 300 yards near the green without a practice swing. One of the kids said "wow dad did you see that" to the aforementioned snobby dicks. A few of them clapped. I've never hit a drive like it again. Just sheer adrenaline and luck.
Wish I had given it big licks beforehand.
Watch this drive mofos