carpetmonster Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 “Actually the guy in the video was spot on. Granny’s economic contribution was - give or take a fiver - right on twinty mullion pound” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 "There were three people in my parents' marriage. Mother, father and Camilla Krabbe" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 "I remember that year, 2012, vividly. I went into the Queen's private chambers to discuss my future role in the Royal family. Unfortunately Grandma had received some bad news and was visibly upset, weeping at a headline in what appeared to be a Scottish newspaper. "How could they even do this" she cried that day.." Spoiler 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bennett Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 This one is actually real. They were having a drink when suddenly a sheet appeared outside his window from above. Someone started to shake it and a ‘waterfall’ of what appeared to be glitter or confetti began to fall. Harry said it was actually Mrs R’s hair – she had it cut at home and collected the waste in a sheet then shook it out of her window. As Harry had his open, the hair filled his flat, forcing the prince and his friend to cough and pick it off their tongues. Harry spent days writing a letter to Mrs R but decided he was being unfair as she had no idea ‘she was filling the house with her hair’. But Harry later concluded he was also angry as she was ‘guilty of a traffic violation even more inexcusable than her husband’ – parking her car in a spot once used by his late mother 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 3 hours ago, scottsdad said: "There were three people in my parents' marriage. Mother, father and Camilla Krabbe" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 Quote The Funk Room at The Arches was always a happy hunting ground for me back in the day. A very healthy ratio of girls to guys meant that I done far better than a big heided wee guy from Motherwell probably should. This particular night my mate and I tanned a couple of swedgers and were in fine form as soon as we arrived. Quick couple of drinks and then into the main arch to tune into the music and do some serious sniffing aboot. Within minutes we were dancing beside, then with a couple of lassies who seemed quite cool. The music and class A's were searing through me and this lassie and I were soon dancing close, then firing into each other in the corner. Very quickly we both decided to bail back to mine in a taxi and went to tell my mate and her pal. My mate gave me a knowing wink and wished me a good night and off we went this lassie and out into the cool night. The pills making everything seem perfect. We were all over each other in the taxi, my hand up her skirt feeling her wet through her knickers and she all but had my cock out, i'm thinking this is fucking brilliant! We stumbled and staggered up the close stairs, still right into each other all the way. Into my flat, bouncing off the walls, tearing our clothes off and bang at it on the floor as soon as we got in. Powered by drugs, drink and a youthful libido I was putting in a fine performance in the missionary position and decided to birl her over for some doggy style. As I did, it was then I saw it for the first time. She had a hump. Oh for f**k sake, an actual fucking hump. It was a different colour from the rest of her back and everything, like a sort of bruisey colour with a texture like scar tissue. I was shagging a hunchback. At that moment I realised the knowing wink my mate had given me. The c**t. He had obviously clocked it, whereas I was too mad with it and horny to see beyond the tits and that, he knew and let me go, no doubt pishing himself laughing. All these mad disgusted thoughts spun round in my drug addled and traumatised brain. I was baw deep in a hunchback, what was I all about? Fucking hell, this is no right. It was then I did what any right thinking man would do, I birled her back over onto her back and just kidded on I hadn't seen it. Through gritted teeth I pounded away at her,trying to erase from my mind the sight that I had just seen. This horror coupled with the drugs meant that I couldn't finish for what felt like hours. I was locked in this death grip with her loving it. Eventually with sweat and fear pouring from every pore I faked an theatrical orgasm, then prayed for sleep. she fell asleep and I lay there awake all night like a stranger in my own bed. At one point she turned over and it touched me, I could do nothing but make a horrified face and edged away till I was hanging out the bed. In the morning I pretended I had to go to work, just to get her out the house. I done a stunt trip to the bus stop and when she was gone I went home, stripped the sheets from the bed and tanned half a bottle of Jim beam. FIN. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hauzen Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 2 hours ago, bennett said: This one is actually real. They were having a drink when suddenly a sheet appeared outside his window from above. Someone started to shake it and a ‘waterfall’ of what appeared to be glitter or confetti began to fall. Harry said it was actually Mrs R’s hair – she had it cut at home and collected the waste in a sheet then shook it out of her window. As Harry had his open, the hair filled his flat, forcing the prince and his friend to cough and pick it off their tongues. Harry spent days writing a letter to Mrs R but decided he was being unfair as she had no idea ‘she was filling the house with her hair’. But Harry later concluded he was also angry as she was ‘guilty of a traffic violation even more inexcusable than her husband’ – parking her car in a spot once used by his late mother That was the plot of an American Pie sequel. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 3 hours ago, bennett said: This one is actually real. They were having a drink when suddenly a sheet appeared outside his window from above. Someone started to shake it and a ‘waterfall’ of what appeared to be glitter or confetti began to fall. Harry said it was actually Mrs R’s hair – she had it cut at home and collected the waste in a sheet then shook it out of her window. As Harry had his open, the hair filled his flat, forcing the prince and his friend to cough and pick it off their tongues. Harry spent days writing a letter to Mrs R but decided he was being unfair as she had no idea ‘she was filling the house with her hair’. But Harry later concluded he was also angry as she was ‘guilty of a traffic violation even more inexcusable than her husband’ – parking her car in a spot once used by his late mother "I was embarrassed when Uncle Andrew came in to our flat and immediately started to shag the floor.." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 The public have the wrong impression of Uncle Andrew. He's always improving the grounds at Royal households. He's laid slabs at most of them. If they aren't perfect he does them again. He did this in the middle of the night to allow him to carry out engagements during the day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 Apparently there were people queued up overnight to get a copy of this. Genuinely find it hard to understand who is interested in this - the hardcore royal lovers don't like Harry at all. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 I see the cover says it has been read by the author. Aren't all books read by the author otherwise how would they know what they had written? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 5 minutes ago, hk blues said: I see the cover says it has been read by the author. Aren't all books read by the author otherwise how would they know what they had written? No. A conversation with a ghost writer is usually enough to get an "author" credit. Peter Andre and Katie Price are both published authors and i'd imagine they'd struggle to concentrate long enough to read the instructions on a pot noodle. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernLights Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 "I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away. One of my many mistakes was letting it happen in a field, just behind a very busy pub. No doubt someone had seen us. 'Don't tell anyone about this' I told Camilla." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 17 minutes ago, coprolite said: No. A conversation with a ghost writer is usually enough to get an "author" credit. Peter Andre and Katie Price are both published authors and i'd imagine they'd struggle to concentrate long enough to read the instructions on a pot noodle. Aye, I get that but putting it on the front cover just seems strange - it's not like he wouldn't have read it before it was published. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 2 minutes ago, hk blues said: Aye, I get that but putting it on the front cover just seems strange - it's not like he wouldn't have read it before it was published. I think that's the artwork for the audiobook rather than the hard copy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 1 minute ago, Mark Connolly said: I think that's the artwork for the audiobook rather than the hard copy Now, that makes sense. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 6 minutes ago, hk blues said: Aye, I get that but putting it on the front cover just seems strange - it's not like he wouldn't have read it before it was published. It does seem a bit weird. Maybe some sort of legal protection against libel complaints? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 1 minute ago, coprolite said: It does seem a bit weird. Maybe some sort of legal protection against libel complaints? I think it's been cleared up - it seems it's the audio book so he did literally read it. Only thing worse than reading his book would be listening to him reading his book. I wonder if he did crap impersonations of his family while reading their bits - that I would pay to listen to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
btb Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 2 hours ago, NorthernLights said: "I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away. One of my many mistakes was letting it happen in a field, just behind a very busy pub. No doubt someone had seen us. 'Don't tell anyone about this' I told Camilla." Spoken like a true Murican! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur daley Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 2 hours ago, Mark Connolly said: I think that's the artwork for the audiobook rather than the hard copy Is that not Gordon Ramsay that is reading that ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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