Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[welshbairn]

On Saturday I attended quite possibly the worst Stag do in the history of the world. It's a long post so have put it in spoilers.

The stag began at Codonas in Aberdeen. For those not familiar with Codonas this is a family place with bowling, air hockey, grab machines, crazy golf etc. It's basically for kids and students with nothing better to do. One game of bowling, half a round of crazy golf, 2 go's on the dodgems and that was all we did. Thankfully there was alcohol to be had at the bar there!

So of course there is a kitty. Before I start I feel that I should explain that I bloody hate kittys unless it's at a staff night out where everybody is drinking the same sort of stuff. As somebody who tends to just drink pints I always end up short changed as folk get doubles in etc. I'm not a heavy drinker and hate not being able to just get what I want.

This kitty started with a round of pints (either Fosters or Kronenbourg - shite) before heading straight to Vodka & red bulls. I'm not a fan of vodka but fair enough - it's a stag I'll drink it.

Then all of a sudden the guy with the kitty has gone. He's nowhere to be found and not answering his phone. Turns out he's went off to Burger King and didn't think of telling any of us. Eventually he reappeared but by that point only a couple of us had more drink and most folk were a bit pissed off. Again - it's a stag so let's forget it and just get on with it.

So we soon departed and headed into town to a bar called Krakatoa (used to be Moorings). This is a cracking bar full of different beers and spirits. The first round? Corona. Fucking Corona. Any beer which requires a fecking fruit to be jammed into it to give it flavour is a no from me. Again I drank it without complaint and asked about the next drink (after topping up the kitty earlier). "Don't worry lads the next round is already ordered" we were told - "ordered it with the same time as the Corona".

35 minutes later the barman comes over with a tray of pina coladas which had taken him 45 minutes to make. 7 of them and some death drink for the stag which came in a skull glass and actually tasted better than the pina colada.

Just to confirm - so far I've had: a pint of Fosters, a vodka & red bull, Corona and Del-Boys favourite cocktail and this was over the course of about 4 hours. Wild.

At 7 we had booked for food at a casino which for £15.00 saw us get 1 of anything from the menu for food, a drink and a free £5 chip. Finally the night started to improve here - we all had the drinks we wanted and it was a laugh. We all went to a roulette table and all put our bets on. Out of the 8 of us - 3 of us won, 5 lost all their money straight away. The stag then proceeded to go in the huff and sit in the corner on the phone to his fiance while the 3 of us who had won were still gambling. I ended up about £30 up, one gained about £10 and the last man standing won about £200 and was fuming when he was made to leave by the stag, who was bored out his tits as he didn't go to the bar for a drink and didn't want to use his own for gambling. It was his fecking idea to go to the casino apparently!

So where's best to go after this? A gay bar obviously! Never been into Cheerz before but have heard it's good for a drink if nothing else. KARAOKE NIGHT! Straight in and straight back out again. So we head round the corner to Casc. Casc is by far one of the better pubs in Aberdeen if you like craft beers and cigars. Of course once again the man with the kitty decides to order a round of drinks for everybody, totally ruining the whole point of a pub like this by getting the cheapest one with the lowest alcohol percentage. Casc has 20 odd taps with different types of beer that you can try and then take your pick. Clearly he went for the first one he saw and just hoped we'd all enjoy.

Thankfully it tasted bloody lovely and we were outside in the heated 'cigarden' with beers and cigars. Finally this was turning into a stag party!

For 1 minute. The stag described the place as pretentious, saying he'd lost his buzz and was away to the Spirit Level down the road.

Now we've 8 beers out and cigars that really can only be smoked here with a drink, so 6 of us stay and one of the guys goes off with the stag. Not good form letting him go but in fairness most of us were pissed off with him as he wouldn't say what he wanted to do and then moaned at every place we suggested. So we finish our beers and cigars and head to the Spirit Level.

Now 2 of the guys had already left to head down there so we went expecting to meet 4 of the guys there but there was only 3. The kitty man has disappeared again! This after we had tried to convince him to let somebody else have it after the pina colada round! Turns out he's went and got a train home to Inverurie without saying bye and with the bloody money!

In the Spirit Level you couldn't move for people, couldn't get near the bar and there was a bunch of middle aged people dancing away to a God awful singer. Not my scene and unsurprisingly not the scene for the rest of the group so we left. The stag was complaining about being sober (after only drinking red bull in the Spirit Level where he was for about 40 minutes) so we went to Triple Kirks. A place where we used to go all the time when we worked together (5/6 years ago) - cheap .

The kitty man has finally answered his phone and transferred the money back online so we have £30 for drinks (even though there should have been at least £50 in there by my calculations). I ask for a pint and a few of us head off to grab the only table which happens to be next to a table of drunken girls. The stag then comes over complaining that none of us have told them what the want to drink and that we're not having beer as he's not feeling drunk. The outcome?

Another round of Vodka & Red bulls! Now I'm sitting next to Mr Spoon who I've never met before and appears to have just tagged along from the Spirit Level listening to him go on about the strippers that he recommends for later that night when a round of sambucas appear.

The final drink would be another fucking Vodka & Red bull before I decided to call it a night. Total waste of a day, waste of money and a waste of what could have been a cracking piss up. Home by midnight as well. After I left they went back to the gay bar before going to the strippers.

I'll probably get stick on here for leaving but you've no idea how dull a day it was. Can't wait for the wedding day....

I know this isn't the most riveting part of the tale, but how did kitty boy transfer the £30? Did he have somebody's bank details or is there some kind of Paypal style app? Could be handy sometime if there is..

[The Minertaur]

It's a very BEASTly way to spend your stag.

Agreed. Half the guys on the stag have kids and probably go there once a month. Why the hell would you organise a stag there?! Even a pub crawl which requires zero effort would have been better.

[The Minertaur]

I know this isn't the most riveting part of the tale, but how did kitty boy transfer the £30? Did he have somebody's bank details or is there some kind of Paypal style app? Could be handy sometime if there is..

He's the brother of the best man so had his bank details already on his phone. Nothing exciting I'm afraid WB.

[Sweet Pete]

That sounds quite similar to my brother-in-law's stag do, both of my brother-in-law's. The first we all met in a pub in the west end and he decided he wasn't up for it, so despite all his friends and family being there he pretended to have a sore leg after about 3 pints and got a taxi home. I was there with my mate and the stag was the only person there we knew, so we too fucked off home.

The second we went to the dog track and it was braw, hard to get near the bar for a drink, but otherwise a good laugh. From there we went to Maggie Mays, which is a pub I enjoy, but the stag and best man insisted we go to the club part downstairs, which it being early we were the only people in and they resisted all attempts to go elsewhere or in any way liven up the proceedings (shots, drinking games, actually speaking to each other) so the second half of the night was a complete washout.

Stag do's in general tend to be shite in my experience. Except for mine. Big shout to Smurph who along with myself was the only person to last the distance and drink til 6am.

[The Minertaur]

That sounds quite similar to my brother-in-law's stag do, both of my brother-in-law's. The first we all met in a pub in the west end and he decided he wasn't up for it, so despite all his friends and family being there he pretended to have a sore leg after about 3 pints and got a taxi home. I was there with my mate and the stag was the only person there we knew, so we too fucked off home.

The second we went to the dog track and it was braw, hard to get near the bar for a drink, but otherwise a good laugh. From there we went to Maggie Mays, which is a pub I enjoy, but the stag and best man insisted we go to the club part downstairs, which it being early we were the only people in and they resisted all attempts to go elsewhere or in any way liven up the proceedings (shots, drinking games, actually speaking to each other) so the second half of the night was a complete washout.

Stag do's in general tend to be shite in my experience. Except for mine. Big shout to Smurph who along with myself was the only person to last the distance and drink til 6am.

I find that there needs to be some sort of plan needed to keep it on track. As far as I could see this one was meet at Codonoas at 2, go to casino at 7. Fill in the rest on the day. The amount of time spent outside pubs as folk moaned that you don't get good beer in there etc was a joke.

[Sweet Pete]

I find that there needs to be some sort of plan needed to keep it on track. As far as I could see this one was meet at Codonoas at 2, go to casino at 7. Fill in the rest on the day. The amount of time spent outside pubs as folk moaned that you don't get good beer in there etc was a joke.

The simpler a stag plan the better I reckon. And you need the dominant personalities to hand out the telt to any dissenters from the plan. For example, it shouldn't be open to a vote which pubs are on the itinerary, it should simply be decided be the cool kids and the jobbers just need to go where they're told and be ignored if they whinge or gripe.

[The Minertaur]

The simpler a stag plan the better I reckon. And you need the dominant personalities to hand out the telt to any dissenters from the plan. For example, it shouldn't be open to a vote which pubs are on the itinerary, it should simply be decided be the cool kids and the jobbers just need to go where they're told and be ignored if they whinge or gripe.

Agreed. In fairness in my eyes on a stag do you go wherever the stag wants to go. I've never set foot in half the pubs we went into as they aren't my scene but never moaned once. Just wanted a pint

[Swarley]

Do you get Rolos in that 3rd world country you reside in? Or do they make them with that rancid arse putty that they call chocolate over there?

I'm sorry you'll need to speak up I couldn't hear you because the sun was shining

[KnightswoodBear]

I'm sorry you'll need to speak up I couldn't hear you over the sound of the skin cancer spreading and the poisonous kangaroos.

FTFY

[throbber]

I don't think I want a stag do for my wedding and if I did i would only want guys that I am friends with in Edinburgh. My older friends from years gone by who would take the huff at not being invited are the types that hang about in cliques and still enjoy rowdy lads nights out, setting off fireworks etc and would probably want a humiliating blackening for myself to cap off my misery if we did go on a stag do. I also don't have a clue who I would ask to be my best man. This stresses me out more than marriage itself.

[19QOS19]

Someone in the group was desperate to go to the gay bar, eh?

The groom to be would be my guess, seeing as he was on the phone to his "fiancé" B) Rumbled!

[wellfan09]

Ordinarily I just throw grocery receipts in the bin, but I was having a quick glance at mine there just now, and noticed that Lidl has charged me for 10 tins of Kidney beans instead of the 2 I bought this morning.

[Hedgecutter]

Ordinarily I just throw grocery receipts in the bin, but I was having a quick glance at mine there just now, and noticed that Lidl has charged me for 10 tins of Kidney beans instead of the 2 I bought this morning.

Ach, what's 50p in the grand scheme of things.

[wellfan09]

Ach, what's 50p in the grand scheme of things.

£1.84 actually! The c***s probably make a decent wee amount from shit like that due to people never bothering to go back and chase them up for it

[Bobby Skidmarks]

I don't think I want a stag do for my wedding and if I did i would only want guys that I am friends with in Edinburgh. My older friends from years gone by who would take the huff at not being invited are the types that hang about in cliques and still enjoy rowdy lads nights out, setting off fireworks etc and would probably want a humiliating blackening for myself to cap off my misery if we did go on a stag do. I also don't have a clue who I would ask to be my best man. This stresses me out more than marriage itself.

Setting off fireworks? Stay well clear of those boys, throbber.

Where's your stag do?

[Gaz FFC]

£1.84 actually! The c***s probably make a decent wee amount from shit like that due to people never bothering to go back and chase them up for it

How would you prove you bought 2 and not the other 8?

I can see why people wouldn't go back for that. They'd just be more vigilant.

[wellfan09]

How would you prove you bought 2 and not the other 8?

I can see why people wouldn't go back for that. They'd just be more vigilant.

I have no idea, probably just have to rely on a bit of goodwill from them. Obviously it isn't really much of an issue for 23p cans of kidney beans, but if was ten fillet steaks at £6/7 a pop then f**k knows what the protocol is

[Grim O'Grady]

Setting off fireworks? Stay well clear of those boys, throbber.

Where's your stag do?

Bobby, I'm on the organizing committee (Philpy is com 2).

We'll let you know, if you make the cut.

Grimbo

[Rugster]

I have no idea, probably just have to rely on a bit of goodwill from them. Obviously it isn't really much of an issue for 23p cans of kidney beans, but if was ten fillet steaks at £6/7 a pop then f**k knows what the protocol is

I'd hope you'd notice being charged for 10 fillet steaks at £70 as opposed to 10 cans of Kidney Beans at £2.30!

[throbber]

Setting off fireworks? Stay well clear of those boys, throbber.

Where's your stag do?

I was just trying to give an image as to what type of folk they are as the last time i was with them they had all bought fireworks and were blasting them all over the place with no regard for safety and just generally acting like idiots despite them all being 30 ish. Its just the old guys i used to hang about with who i don't really see anymore that will expect to be a part of my wedding and stag do despite me not wanting that, the sort of folk who would tie me naked to a lamp post and then blacken me with fish guts as if that is something that should be considered normal for a man before getting married.

Im not engaged anyway but I get constantly asked when I'm going to propose.