KnightswoodBear Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Shortened version is a far better story. Also, if you say it like an actor in a 70's blaxploitation movie, it adds a whole new spin on it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebanda's Handyman Services Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I was walking into work this morning and heard a ringing, it was utterly bizarre as there wasn't a sound anywhere and it was 6am. I located it to an iPhone buried under the snow and answered it. The guy was getting aggressive because he thought id stolen it. When I explained what happened he then asked me to drop it off at his house. Cheeky c**t was told to f**k off and collect it from my work. You should have made him go through a full repertoire of animal noises under the threat of smashing his phone up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You should have made him go through a full repertoire of animal noises under the threat of smashing his phone up. I'm surprised it still works to be honest as it was caked in snow. I've put it on the radiator in the hope it damages it further. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) Came into work this morning to find my colleague had written the word "c**t" on every single sheet of the post it notes on my desk! I suspect he was bored whilst supervising last nights crane lift! Edited January 29, 2015 by sjc 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~~~ Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Came into work this morning to find my colleague had written the word "c**t" on every single sheet of the post in notes on my desk! I suspect he was bored whilst supervising last nights crane lift! I was wonder what Malcolm Tucker was up to these days 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) Just took my sock off and it's swollen to f**k, presume if I'd broke it then it would be too painful to put weight on it? #p&bmedicaladvice Just on the top of my foot, looks like I've got a tumour growing on it Sprinkle some cold water on it and see what happens. Edited January 29, 2015 by banana 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I was wonder what Malcolm Tucker was up to these days He's grumping at the labourers this morning cos one of them has written "English c**t" in the snow on his windscreen! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I was walking into work this morning and heard a ringing, it was utterly bizarre as there wasn't a sound anywhere and it was 6am. I located it to an iPhone buried under the snow and answered it. The guy was getting aggressive because he thought id stolen it. When I explained what happened he then asked me to drop it off at his house. Cheeky c**t was told to f**k off and collect it from my work. Found a really nice mans ring in a wee dark alley once, seemed like no fucker was around so I pocketed it. Heard some auld battleaxe dragon shouting at me as I walked away saying it was hers so I bolted, lol. Gave it to my nephew a few years later, though his scheme goblin 'mate' aye seemed to have his eye on it. He kept getting chased by some guys on horses so he had it melted down in the end. Didn't see his 'mate' hanging around him after that, unsurprisingly. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gullane No 4 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 People who pronounce Holyrood as Hollyrood.....its Holy as in Holy Moly 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 People who pronounce Holyrood as Hollyrood.....its Holy as in Holy Moly Holly shit! You're kidding?! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capybara Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 People who pronounce Holyrood as Hollyrood.....its Holy as in Holy Moly Agree totally 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Just pulled a big hair out of my nose and it was perfectly white. Mozza IMO. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Young Joseph Stalin Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Found a really nice mans ring in a wee dark alley once, seemed like no fucker was around so I pocketed it. Heard some auld battleaxe dragon shouting at me as I walked away saying it was hers so I bolted, lol. Gave it to my nephew a few years later, though his scheme goblin 'mate' aye seemed to have his eye on it. He kept getting chased by some guys on horses so he had it melted down in the end. Didn't see his 'mate' hanging around him after that, unsurprisingly. Ha, nice 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I feel the rise of the effeminate male in society has led to the standard in snowball throwing techniques plummet dramatically. Today I watched a group of high school kids throw shoddily made snowballs at the back of each other's jackets which fell apart before they had even made impact then run away screaming in delight like little girls. Get the fucking thing compacted until it's almost solid ice then get it full force in your mates face you bunch of nancy boys. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I feel the rise of the effeminate male in society has led to the standard in snowball throwing techniques plummet dramatically. Today I watched a group of high school kids throw shoddily made snowballs at the back of each other's jackets which fell apart before they had even made impact then run away screaming in delight like little girls. Get the fucking thing compacted until it's almost solid ice then get it full force in your mates face you bunch of nancy boys. No gravel mixed in? Stone in the middle? Fkin lightweight. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 No gravel mixed in? Stone in the middle? Fkin lightweight. I used to spray paint a lump of granite white and throw it but I didn't want to come across as overly violent. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Before bed, the wean informed me that he doesn't love me anymore, apropos of nothing. He's 8, FFS. The teenage years are starting a bit early. It'll be "I HATE YOU!!!" any day now 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I agree with Deeboy. Yer a good lad BFTD. Don't let him bring you down m8. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Wow, this has happened a couple of times lately. Genuinely touched. Where's the Sarge to call me a c**t? The wean just arrived back down for a tearful apology and a quick game of Zombie Prom, so all's well 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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