Sweet Pete Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 A swift kick to the pie is your only solution IMO. Au contraire, my champ-pattering friend. The solution here is to play the long game. Invite your mother along with you enthusiastically, treat her to a day out shopping, lunch, drinks and spoil her with gifts. Then, as she is thanking you for a wonderful day, look deeply into her eyes, clasp her liver-spotted hand in yours and huskily whisper to her that you are in love with her. Lean in and attempt to mouth kiss her. If she recoils, act like it was all a big joke and quickly change the subject. If she embraces the Oedipal sexual tension then ride her like a Blackpool donkey. In the morning after your love making / awkward attempt to seduce your own mother, she will have forgotten all about knowing what Christmas gift you had bought her in advance. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 A kick in the pie or Motherfucking. Your call, Misfit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Au contraire, my champ-pattering friend. The solution here is to play the long game. Invite your mother along with you enthusiastically, treat her to a day out shopping, lunch, drinks and spoil her with gifts. Then, as she is thanking you for a wonderful day, look deeply into her eyes, clasp her liver-spotted hand in yours and huskily whisper to her that you are in love with her. Lean in and attempt to mouth kiss her. If she recoils, act like it was all a big joke and quickly change the subject. If she embraces the Oedipal sexual tension then ride her like a Blackpool donkey. In the morning after your love making / awkward attempt to seduce your own mother, she will have forgotten all about knowing what Christmas gift you had bought her in advance. A modern day Christmas parable. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I'll choose the boot to the pie. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Coward. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I'll choose the boot to the pie. Surely you can't boot yer maws pie? Seems a bit weird imo. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Dee Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 (edited) I'll choose the boot to the pie.An excellent choice, McFist.ETA some autocorrect that, mizfit, but I'll leave it for lolz. Edited December 23, 2015 by Dee Dee 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I need to go pick up part of my mothers Christmas present today, she's adamant she's coming into town with me though. Do I run off before she gets ready or do I spoil her present to teach her a lesson about interfering in people's lives? Maybe she's guessed the present and wants to put you off buying her a one way flight to Zurich to go with the Dignitas gift card. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I'll choose the boot to the pie. Is she that ugly that you'd resort to that? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zidane's child Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Perfectly acceptable, you were within work environs. nonsense! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nelsjfc Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 An excellent choice, McFist. ETA some autocorrect that, mizfit, but I'll leave it for lolz. I feel there has to be a story as to why your phone's autocorrect would have "McFist" in it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 An excellent choice, McFist. ETA some autocorrect that, mizfit, but I'll leave it for lolz. I'd like to imagine Mcfist is Ronald macdonalds gangbang finishing manoeuvre 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Dee Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I feel there has to be a story as to why your phone's autocorrect would have "McFist" in it. No really. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Had a work night out the other night and my boss started taking to me about work (first PTTGOYN) but then says that I need to "step up" as there will be more pressure on her for the new year.... She's got you earmarked as the fall guy for when she fucks up. Start looking for something else. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P45 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 My Chinese is closed on Christmas Day. The Heathenry should be at work on Christmas Day. No Jesus, no day off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pride_of_the_Clyde Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I like P45 more and more with each post. Re: my earlier comment re: work nights out - such occasions are (and by 2015 this should be blinking obvious) an extension of the working environment and your behaviour should reflect this. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Arrived at the in laws for Christmas. Kill me. Keep calm, Slippery's flying over as we speak. Would you not rather he killed the in laws though? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 It's fifty fifty at the moment unless alcohol makes an appearance in the next nano second. Are you having to wear last years present pretending that you still like it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pride_of_the_Clyde Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 It's fifty fifty at the moment unless alcohol makes an appearance in the next nano second. Well at least you're making the effort. By logging on to your favourite football supporters message board. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pride_of_the_Clyde Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 That's how bad it is. I'm replying to you McKee, my good friend. You're fooling no one! It's only December 23 and you're there already. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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