Sweet Pete

Oh aye, it's definitely a pasttime that I endorse wholeheartedly. Long may they continue to tart up and stay local.

Like I said, it's a provincial towns thing. The lassies want an excuse to dress up but don't have the geographical proximity, or the means, or the inclination to go somewhere a bit higher class or busier, so they act like the local places are Milan or Ibiza rather than Arbroath or Kilmarnock.

Now, imagine that beer goggles attitude all the time, mixed with aggression and misanthropy and you're basically imagining being me before I got hitched. Nowadays I'm completely the same.

I should clarify that, when single, I had very low standards. I'm very much of the "don't have to fancy her to shag her" set. I'm an animal, basically.

Are you just selling your wall coverings piece by piece? "For sale: Used skirting board. Pre glossed to one side. Still has a few panel pins in it. Tenner ONO".

Pair of wids. I love going out in Killie, the local birds all dress up like they're heading for Vegas. It's an odd, and enjoyable, quirk of provincial towns that they treat local pubs and what passes for clubs as big nights out. Never fails to amuse and arouse me seeing a bunch of pissed up slappers from New Ferm dolled up to f**k for a night in First Edition followed by The Garage.

I always find selling on Gumtree a major hassle. Probably because I tend to use it for work related stuff rather than second hand wallpaper, so there's a lot of fat builder types who are functionally illiterate and very few (so few, in fact, that there are none) MILFs who get in touch about ads I post. So many timewasters too. Not people at the wind up per se, but hopeless morons who waste time with a series of inane and illegible questions and are just generally pests.

I hope we do qualify but the bold Chick has a heart attack on the way to the plane.

If you wear them then you're a fucking mink.

Philistine.

Ate one, shoved the other up my arse.

Load of fucking shite there from the chairman.

Jani Sturm.

I was defrosting some frozen chicken breasts by the window one day and caught a wasp having a wee nibble on it, so shooed the wasp out the window and closed it, then the wasp banged on the window a load of times in a futile attempt to get back in and eat my chicken.

7am at weekends is pretty common round my way too where they're sticking up loads of new builds. It was mildiy irritating when they were doing the ground works and using the air hammer at 7 in the morning.

It's not in the regs, but generally the standardised Small Building Works Contract calls for works between 8am and 6pm. Edit to add: If you have a problem with disturbance from neighbouring building works then your local authority are the folk to speak to. The council building control team as well as the anti-social behaviour team (noise complaints) deal with these issues.

Shankland's a striker and McLean generally plays left mid or centre mid, so I doubt there'll be much correlation between McLean's form and Shankland's availability for loan. Given that Shankland tore up the U20's scoring charts last season and was rewarded with first team chances at the end of last season, I'd imagine he probably won't be available for loan, but you never know. If he is then he'd have no shortage of suitors.

I've got a pair you'd hate, Milesy. Saucony Jazz Lo Pro Vegan. They're maroon and cream, made entirely of elasticated material (including the laces) and use only vegan friendly materials and adhesives and have a cork base layer above the outer sole. They're also purposefully frayed and aged so they look worn in straight out of the box.

Wilko for seal top Grolsch style bottles. I got twelve of them the other week

Imagine blaming you for depression! You're guilty of far worse. Like charging Capone with tax evasion.

That's you and Welsh Bairn blaming me for the seafaring fantasist's disappearance.

What's the script with Grim O'Grady? Is he mental?

Just had two more Cadbury's Star Bars.

That'll be some taxi fare home for him