Sweet Pete

Advertising for a vacancy at work. All the details are in the ad about relevant experience, qualifications, skills, equipment, how to apply (CV and covering letter by email only) etc etc. This morning I have had two separate emails from utter morons. Moron the first emailed to say "would this job be suitable for someone with my experience?". As I'm not a mindreader, nor did they even go so far as to attach their CV to their bizarre email, I have no idea. I simply emailed back saying "details for requirements are in the advert". Moron the second emailed to say "just finished working with X company, now looking for work". That was it. No covering letter, no CV, no contact details, not even a hello to begin the email. Some people are too stupid to function.

As a wine, whisky and beer drinker, I've started to have the occasional cider. Some of them are quite pleasant, but I can't have many as they give me the banana splits

Aldi have their own version of Desperadoes called Sombreros. It's not quite as good.

Kidney is vile.

I was too busy trying to sort the damage to kick their door in. External supply inaccessible to anyone without subterranean equipment. So, aye, I'm fucked but for the insurance. We'll see what tomorrow brings on that front.

The lady of the house went out in a hurry and forgot she'd left the kitchen tap running and the plug in. I was at work and my wife and kid were out, so it was running for hours. It was an hour after I got home before I could get hold of them to gain access to turn off the water.

They're above. My whole kitchen ceiling will need replaced and whole kitchen and dining room floor too. Walls are peeling, appliances look goosed, ceiling light ruined and kitchen electrics may also need attention. Oh aye and one of the kitchen windows and the surround need replaced. Will need to wait til tomorrow to inspect the kitchen units and worktops. Thank f**k I'm insured.

Looks like my washing machine and possibly my dishwasher are fucked.

Just got in from work to find my neighbours have flooded my kitchen to the point of destruction

4/10 on the daily quiz today. 11/15 on the fitba players' one.

I'm going grey in places. Noticing white hairs on the top, sides , beard and up the nose

You're aye complaining on Facebook that he is rebellious. Can't always be super nanny fella.

A mate of mine thinks whichever direction he is facing is North. He's 31.

I must get you to give instruction to my 15 month old then, guru.

My day trip to the Juniors was textbook: everyone I encountered was a mixture of steaming, mental, disabled and infirm. Game was stopped for 45 minutes while an old fella received treatment for a fall and I had to tell a Lithgae supporter that he was shouting and spitting on me when he spoke. The Yoker FC social club is excellent, but the supporters of these weird wee teams ruin it

Off to watch a Junior game in the sunshine and have a few pints

^^^^ Started a sentence with "So". Instant execution.

I like to make additional mortgage payments when I have the chance. However, upon checking my mortgage statement, I've discovered that a £500 payment I made to my mortgage months ago has not been allocated to my mortgage account. I queried this and was told by my mortgage provider that they have no record of having received it. So I sent them a photo of the statement from my personal bank account showing the payment, but they still say they don't have it. They've said I need to contact my bank and have them locate it. I suggested that they communicate with my bank and was told they can't do that. So I contacted my own bank and was told they can't help, it's up to the mortgage provider. Plenty of back and forth follows before I at last get someone at my own bank who can help, only to be told it will take up to three weeks to locate and send the info to me, for me to then send the transaction proof to my mortgage provider. What a fucking waste of time. Shower of bailed out, bonus milking, taxpayer swindling, conflict financing b*****ds.

They are all idiots. Thankfully I'm only surrounded by them figuratively and not literally. The isolation of my role is what saves me.

Negatory, good buddy.

Well yes, there's the obvious reason you suggest, but it's also protocol. He's site labour and I'm the manager and am office based. All, or at least the majority, of info should pass through my office at some point for each project, so he's partially followed routine, but only after forgetting it originally. The silly sausage.

It feels like it. Pure nimrods the lot of them. And that's not even scratching the surface.

Actual exchange in work: Colleague: "I'm missing a whole bunch of light fittings for two jobs, can you chase up supplier urgently?" Me: "OK" Me to supplier: "Light fittings missing etc" Supplier: "Everything ordered was delivered" Me to colleague: "Everything ordered was delivered" Colleague: "They're wrong, I've never received them" Colleague: "Oh, hang on, I've never ordered them" My job occasionally feels like endlessly slamming my forehead against a concrete wall.

Saw a ladder on gumtree today that was apparently in "good gondishin"

I see that clown is retweeting and screen shotting the, wholly justified, critiscism of his comment. Total heads gone. Muppet.