Whether you've fucked up your life or not is immaterial, it's the emotion you're attaching to your past, present and future that appears to be the problem.
If I look at where I am and where I feel I could have been then I could feel that I've fucked my life up numerous times, I genuinely have no regrets in life, many of the better things in my life wouldn't have happened if the f**k-ups preceding them hadn't happened.
I spent every waking minute looking for excuses to leave the house, now it's the opposite, I only leave the house when I need to and I like my own company as much as I like the company of others.
I was more trying to find out if you were reliving your past through your dreams as I was an expert at selling my soul, I don't give it a seconds thought now that I've analysed my motives, character etc and dealt with some of the flaws.
I don't know much about depression or similar but you really need to see someone who does, a serious look into self analysis and self improvement(a lot harder than people think) to take you forward won't go amiss either.
Good luck