bullywee

I have the best signature on p&b.

There was no quinoa left so I had to buy cous cous instead.

The laughing stock of Scottish football.

That shirt is hideous.

And that's too rich for me. I hope DA Baracus catches Masturbatory AIDS.

French people called Vincent are literally called 'Wine Hundred'.

That big white dog is actually a horse.

A classic case of the chips being left in the oil.

Now That's What I Call Banter.

SJC is indeed living aboard a boat, albeit a metaphorical one cast adrift in an endless ocean of lies and deceit. 8MileBU is just a simpleton.

Peng-a-leng.

I think you've mistaken the young lady for a gentleman.

Token black guys tend to die off pretty quick so I doubt that'll be an issue.

They are both everywhere, yet no-where. Much like gravity they permeate through every fibre of our being. Omnipresent forces that existed long before you and shall continue to exist long after you are nothing more than a faded name on an ancient census record.Even after the last crop has failed. Even after the last river has been poisoned. Even after the sun collapses in on itself and supernovas. Even then Club DECE shall remain.

I hang around with a load of people from south-east England and they refer to a place that is comfortable as a 'cotch'. If the 'cotch' is of a particularly high standard then it's a 'buff cotch'. It kills a little bit of me and the two other Scottish guys in our group every time we hear it.

The other day I witnessed a middle-aged, greying Asian man with sunglasses on drive his silver Lexus to the end of a T-junction, get out and then deliver some sort of rolled up A4 envelope by throwing it at the intended house (from a distance of at least five metres) and managing to wedge it perfectly between the top of two of the planks of wood that made up the garden fence. He then strolled back into his car and drove off as if this was just his usual delivery technique. Possibly the coolest thing done by anyone ever.

Then gangrene sets in.

Hopefully one of the supporting beams in the mineshaft collapses on him and he has to get his legs amputated below the knees as well.

Is corruption really such a bad thing?

Bullywee earns £9+ an hour, champ.

In Melbourne there's some form of porn company that pays you $250 to take one of their cameras and film a 5 minute video of your face as you bash one out. They pay you an extra $50 if you convince someone else to do it. I do realise that there is literally no possible way of me trying to convince the forum that it really was one of my friends that did this and not actually me.

Similarly; any get rich quick schemes would be appreciated.

Bird in Subway put jalapenos on the half of the sandwich poking out the bag so I ate it, fully contented and looking forward to the final instalment only to find that she'd taken the liberty of replacing the jalapenos with olives in the concluding half. I've made my disdain for olives known to her before so I'm not sure if we have a relationship of intense hatred or whether this is going to blossom into one of toasted, foot-long passion.

Buddha devoted his life to gaining #enlightenment and upon his death under the twin Sala trees he finally became #enlightened. I have devoted my life to making #gainz and, in an unprecedented show of theistic oneupmanship, believe that I have #gained whilst also being alive. That is to say that I am ripped and cannot get any more hench than my current state. My God, I'm peng, even if I do say so myself.

Anyone who points in a photo is a c**t. Pointing at the guy next to you? c**t. Pointing at the camera? c**t. Pointing at yourself? c**t incarnate.